Pokemon Misadventures
by TheWordSmith26
Summary: The story follows the intrepid heroes Red, Leaf and Blue as they make their way through the Kanto region. They will do anything to achieve their dreams and be the best like no one ever was! Seriously, we do mean anything...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Pokemon and all its characters belong to Game Freak, Nintendo and Ken Sugimori. All other used material belongs to their respective owners. We must cover our asses.

* * *

Chapter 1 – Professor Oak in the House

It was an ordinary day in Pallet Town. In the past, Pallet Town has been described as the "hickiest piece of shit this side of Kanto." And to be fair, the town was nothing special; just a small town located in the boondocks of the Kanto region with nothing to do in the entire place. The only notable building was a Frankenstein-esque laboratory at the north edge of town that belonged to that crazy old professor Samuel Oak.

This was the town in which a boy named Red resided. Red was a young man, about thirteen years of age, with a big dream. He wanted to become the very best, like no one ever was. At what you ask? Dogfighting – I mean, Pokemon battling.

Game Freak is already suing PETA over that argument.

Red was resting on his bed this very day, shuffling a model Pokeball from one hand to the other. He had never been so bored in his entire life.

Why was his mom such a bitch, he thought to himself for the hundredth time, why did she have to ground him for a week? So what if he had wandered into the tall grass and kicked a Rattata in the face? He had just wanted to catch it; he didn't know that it had rabies.

That was the worst doctor trip he had ever had in his whole life. Have you ever seen the size of those needles? They're goddamn huge! The doctors inject you straight in the ass with those things without warning you or anything.

Well, at least the grounding was over today. He had just got a call from his old friend Blue that they were going to raid his grandfather's lab. Personally Red just wanted to be their when that crotchety old man caned Blue over the head. It was going to be awesome.

"Red!" came a shrill, overbearing voice from outside his room. "Your little friend has come to visit!"

_Finally_, Red thought_, that Slowpoke took long enough. Doesn't he know what it's like living in this house with that woman? Probably not. He doesn't have a mom; all he has is that crazy old man and his hot sister. Lucky._

As Red walked down the stairs he could hear his friend already trying to butter up his mom. "You look so lovely today, ma'am. Red is lucky to have a nice mom like you."

"Why, thank you Blue," his mother gushed.

"Man, you're such a loser." Red entered the kitchen to see his ginger friend wiping his shoes on the welcome mat. "She already loves you more than me, you don't have to kiss up to her all the time."

"Young man!" his mother said with a stern voice "You shouldn't speak of me or to your friend in such a way!"

"It's okay, ma'am!" Blue said, swinging his arm around Red's shoulders. "Deep down inside, I know Red thinks of me as his best friend!"

Red's mother smiled at the sign of friendship. What she didn't see was Blue's arm gripping Red's shoulder hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, nor did she see Red's knuckle digging into Blue's ribs.

What a heart-warming display of affection.

"Let's just go already." Red caved first, as his arm was falling asleep. "Aren't we going to your grandpa's place, or something?"

"Sure, yeah." Blue smiled victoriously as he loosened his grip. "He said he had something for us."

"Alright boys, you have fun."

_Stuff it, hag,_ Red thought as he and his "best friend" walked out the door.

* * *

Have I described the lab as Frankenstein-esque yet? Well, that doesn't do it justice. The entire town was made up of single-family wooden houses, except for Oak's monstrosity. A four-story behemoth on a hill made of concrete, steel and glass. It looked more like a prison than a laboratory. Red was certain that if the Pallet Housing Committee allowed him to, Oak would have put barbed-wire all over the place.

He was kind of a security freak.

"Man, I don't want to go in there," Red said. "Did you hear what happened to Bobby?"

"He moved."

"Yeah, we never saw him again."

"Shut up, idiot." Blue smacked him on the back of the head. "We're going in there or my sister will yell at us for ignoring Grandpa; do you want that?"

"…I can take her."

"You can't even take a field rat."

"It had rabies, you ass!"

"Look, we're going in, or I'm telling everyone at school tomorrow that you're scared of an old man." Blue told him gravely, "So how's it going to be, Red?"

Red stared down Blue for a few moments before sighing. "Fine. But you're doing all the talking."

"Whatever, scaredy-cat." Blue snorted, walking up to the intercom in front of the lab and pushing the white button on it. "Hello, I'm here to speak to Professor Oak—"

Blaringly loud sirens went off. Red dropped to the ground, holding his ears in pain while Blue stood shell-shocked at the intercom.

A man in a lab coat came running out soon afterwards and smacked the intercom a few times until it stopped making noise.

"I'm sorry," the scientist said. "The Professor is trying to set up a new security system, but there are still a few bugs in it."

"I… see…" Blue said, dazed, before looking at the slowly rising Red. "Hey, are you okay?"

"…" Red didn't say anything.

"Red, I'm asking you a question," Blue said, getting annoyed at the other boy's silence.

Nothing happened.

"Did you go deaf?!"

"…"

Then Blue remembered what Red said moments before.

"_Fine. But you're doing all the talking."_

"What, seriously?!" Blue shouted at his stupid, stubborn friend. "We're really doing this?"

Red just kept staring ahead blankly.

"Uh, excuse me..?" the scientist broke in. "Is your friend okay?"

…_Wait._ Blue thought, looking at the concerned scientist. _Oh, this will be good_.

"Ah yeah, he has autism or something." Blue smirked, casting a sly glance at Red's horrified face. "He can't really speak. Right, Red?"

"…" Hate filled Red's eyes, but he felt like he would lose _something_ if he spoke now.

"Oh, I see," The scientist sounded sympathetic as he smiled gently at Red. "Not very social then. Poor little guy."

The hatred in Red's eyes grew to the strength of a supernova.

"Well then, I'll just lead you boys to Professor Oak. Please try and have your friend follow us, it would be terrible if he got lost in the dangerous lab."

Red decided that this man was going to be the first to die.

After a long, winding and needlessly convoluted path, Red, Blue and the scientist arrived at the main lab. There they saw Professor Oak and a girl about the same age as Red and Blue standing near a lab table with three balls on it.

The girl was taller than either boy and was wearing a blue tank top with a red skirt and a "bitching" white-hat. She had waist-length brown hair, grey eyes and a well-developed figure.

Red idly thought that he would, as the younglings say these days, "tap that ass."

"…"

"Is there a reason he's staring at me?" the girl asked, inching back from the boys.

"Ah, he has autism," the scientist said in a low voice.

Death would visit this man. And his entire family.

"Perfect!" shouted Professor Oak.

"What?" Blue muttered.

"That you're here!" Oak finished. "Thank you, assistant, for bringing me Red and…what was your name again?"

"Blue, Grandpa." Blue sighed. "You named me after the color of our house."

"…Uh…" The girl was at a loss for words. "Should I be here during this? This seems a little awkward right now."

"Nonsense!" Professor Oak boisterously shouted. "I don't know any of these younglings!"

Blue sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Although Red kept a stoic expression, he was laughing derisively inside.

"Moving on, I have invited you all here for a very important task!" Professor Oak cried, as if he was a Baptist minister praising the lord. "Take these!"

"…" Red stared at the red rectangular-metal pieces placed in front of him. He picked one up and tapped it against the table slightly._ What was this thing, a cell phone?_

"Fear not, my special friend!" Oak cried out. "They are indestructible!"

He would be the second to die.

"Grandpa, what are these?"

"I am not your Grandpa!" Oak retorted. "And these are Pokedexes! My ultimate creations!"

"Mom and Dad in heaven would be happy to hear that."

"Shut up, silly child, and gaze upon them!"

"Sir," the girl said slowly. "They just look like pieces of metal."

"Until you hit this button!" Oak cried, vigorously hitting a small tab on the left side of the Pokedex, "and it unfolds!"

It unfolded.

"And there's a screen on it!"

There was a screen on it.

"And you can point it at Pokemon!"

Well, you could point anything at Pokemon, really.

"And it will identify them!"

Well, that was pretty cool, Red thought.

"That's nice," Blue said in a subdued tone of voice, as if he had heard this a million times. Perhaps he had. "But why are you gloating to us about this?"

"I've recently added another feature!" Oak stated proudly, thrusting his hips forward. "With the help of my old friend Bill, I was able to make these Pokedexes read and record the data of any Pokemon seen and caught! If these Pokedexes were to be completed, it would be a great boon for every Pokebiologist in the world!"

"Is Pokebiologist even a thing?" Blue muttered, before asking, "And what does this have to do with us?"

"Take them!" Oak said, before literally throwing them at the other two children, "And take a Pokemon too!"

"..!" Red made an "O" with his mouth.

"Yes, my boy!" Oak cried. "I can see the fire in your eyes! You get first pick!"

"Wait, but I'm your grands—"

"Go on, my boy!" Oak cried, gesturing to the lab table. "Choose!"

Red saw Pokeballs on the table. He stared at them sullenly; how was he supposed to know which one to choose? He didn't even know what was inside of them.

"…" He stared at the balls. Oh, wait. He saw a flame marking on one. That was badass. He wanted that one.

Grabbing it, he threw it at the ground with the utmost force. The ball opened with a bright light, but that wasn't the end. Due to the excess force he put on the ball (really, he didn't need to put any force into it _at all_) it bounced off the ground before striking the lab assistant in the face.

Score one for Red.

The light faded to see… a lizard? No, it was better than that. "A GIANT LIZARD!"

"I thought he couldn't talk!" the girl shouted in surprise, but ignored it and instead looked at the "giant lizard."

It was really just a two foot, bipedal orange lizard that had a fire burning at the end of its tail. Cautiously it stepped forward, testing its weight before turning to look in its trainer's eyes.

"…" Red stared back at it.

The lizard walked forward and nudged Red's jacket pocket. Sticking his hand into his pocket, Red pulled out a half-eaten granola bar he had after lunch. Shrugging, he gave the rest to the lizard.

"Rawr!" it roared cutely as it happily munched on the treat. The girl took this chance to point her Pokedex at the creature.

"**Charmander, the Lizard Pokemon. From the time it is born, a flame burns at the tip of its tail. Its life would end if the flame were to go out.**"

"Wow, it speaks too?" The girl examined her device. "That's pretty cool."

"It is my Greatest Invention!" Professor Oak shouted, paying no mind to his bleeding assistant on the floor next to him. "You can go next, other boy!"

"Hmph, whatever." The boy swaggered up to the table. "Well, since Red chose a Fire-type, I'll pick the water one!"

He held up his Pokeball and in a flash of light a bipedal blue turtle, slightly smaller than Charmander appeared.

"**Squirtle, the Tiny-Turtle Pokemon. After birth, its back swells and hardens into a shell. It powerfully sprays foam from its mouth."**

"Why do you have to be such a jerk, Blue?" Red asked.

"So he can just talk now?" the girl asked, rhetorically. "No one's going to question this?"

"Now, young lady!" Oak shouted. "Choose!"

"Choose what? There's only one left!"

"Ha, ha! You have chosen Bulbasaur, the Grass-type Pokemon!" Oak crowed victoriously. "An excellent choice!"

"Whatever," the girl sighed picking up her Pokeball and holding it out. With a flash of light a two-foot reptile with a green bulb protruding from its back appeared.

"**Bulbasaur, the Seed Pokemon. There is a plant seed on its back right from the day this Pokémon is born. The seed slowly grows larger over time.**"

"Aww, it's so cute!" the girl said, picking up Bulbasaur in her arms. "Oh, I'm going to name you Bloom!"

"Bulba!" Bloom the Bulbasaur nuzzled into its trainer's bosom. Red and Blue noticed this action and wanted to be that Bulbasaur at that moment.

"Now if you whippersnappers are through fraternizing, get out of my lab and into the field! That data isn't going to record itself!" Oak shooed them out of the door. "Go, go forth and conquer!"

* * *

"Well, that was a very odd experience," the girl said as she leaned against the entrance of the lab. "I don't think I ever got your names. My name is Leaf, it's nice to meet-"

"What kind of name is Leaf?" Blue snorted. "Were your parents high when they named you?"

"At least they put more thought into it than a house's color, _Blue,_ was it?" Leaf said, sticking her tongue out. Blue just rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"I'm Red. I'm gonna be the best like no one ever was," Red stated proudly.

"I thought you couldn't talk before? Do you really have autism or what?" Leaf said in confusion.

"No, I just didn't want to deal with that nutty professor."

"Oh. Then why were you staring at me?"

"…"

There was an awkward pause between the three kids. Blue decided to break the silence.

"Well, moving on. So how about it, Red? Want to test out our Pokemon and see who is the strongest?"

Red turned to face Blue and glared. "You took the words right out of my mouth. Let's go!"

"No, seriously, why were you staring at me?! Is there something on my face or something?" Leaf said in exasperation.

The boys ignored her, as they were too focused on kicking the other's ass. "Go, Charmander!" Red threw the Pokeball to the ground with all his strength and the Charmander came out with a mighty roar.

"Why do you keep throwing your ball to the ground like that? You really don't need to-oh, never mind." Leaf realized that there was something wrong with this kid after all and she decided to focus more on the battle. She held up her Pokedex to analyze the battle data of the Pokemon.

"Alright, Squirtle. Wipe the floor with that ugly lizard. Use…" Blue took this moment to glance at the Pokedex, "Tackle!"

"Squirt!" The Squirtle charged forward and shoulder-checked the fire salamander who fell to the ground.

As it got up, Red shouted, "Burn it, Charmander!"

"Rawr?" The Pokemon looked confused as it tilted its head.

"Just smack it with your tail then!" Red shouted in frustration. "It's on fire for Pete's sakes!"

The Charmander spun around and swung its tail like a fiery mace towards the enemy Squirtle.

"Squirtle, Withdraw!" Blue shouted. The turtle withdrew all its limbs into its brown shell. Charmander's tail slammed against it with a loud slap.

Charmander hopped back, holding its tail in pain. Red struggled to think about his next move.

"Squirtle, one more Tackle!" With that order, Squirtle slammed into the orange lizard with all the grace of a truck, forcing its shoulder into the Charmander's skull.

Charmander fell unconscious with nary a word, drool slightly coming from its mouth.

"Nice work, Squirtle!" Blue cheered, his Pokemon doing a cute little victory dance by waving its stubby arms and hopping on its feet.

Red couldn't believe this. How could he lose to such a dork and a fat turtle? In a flash of light, he saw Charmander being recalled into a Pokeball held by Leaf. Oh, so that's where the ball went after he threw it.

"Looks like you weren't so _hot_ at Pokemon battling after all, huh Red?" Blue gloated.

"Shut up, idiot. At least my battling is better than your puns."

"What's that sound I hear? It's the sound of a wild _loser_; maybe I should catch that too!" Blue laughed as Red fumed.

Blue then patted Squirtle on the head. "I got the perfect nickname for you. I'll call you Satoshi, after the other guy who put the hurt on Red that bad!"

Leaf raised an eyebrow. "Wait, who is Satoshi?"

"He was Red's deadbeat dad," Blue said before laughing again. Red's face turned red. No one brought up that useless guy. No one liked him.

"Oh…um, this is getting awkward again," Leaf said. Blue then recalled the Squirtle, now dubbed Satoshi, into its ball before heading for the town's exit.

"I'm leaving this one-horse town. Smell you later, loser!" He started walking but the paused and looked back. "And it was nice meeting you, Leaf."

"Ah…a pleasure."

"Hey, Blue!" Red called out at his rival. "I'm going to find you again and beat you!"

Blue raised his hand as he continued to walk away.

"And then I'm going to punch you in your stupid face!"

Blue then raised his middle finger.

"Jerk!"

* * *

"I didn't know you were the type to follow a guy home after meeting him once," Red said, taking off his shoes at the door. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, it just seems out of character for you."

"You're an idiot. Not that I'm complaining," Leaf huffed. "It's totally in character for you."

"Hey, maybe I should just kick you off my property." The two kids looked hard at each other, locked in a battle of wills.

"Honey?" Red's mom called, entering the room. "I heard you talking and—who's this?"

"Hello, ma'am," Leaf said politely, turning to the woman with a winning smile. "My name is Leaf. I'm helping out your son and Professor Oak with a project, and I needed a place to stay for the night. Red was nice enough to offer his house."

"I did?"

"He did?"

"Indeed." Leaf clapped her hands together happily, with the knowledge that she won this battle. "Would that be alright with you, ma'am? I would hate to impose."

"Of course it's alright. I couldn't just send out one of my son's friends to sleep in the woods now, could I?" Red's mom smiled. "Make yourself at home, dear. I'll set out another plate for dinner!"

"Don't I get any say in this?" Red asked rhetorically as his mother walked into the kitchen.

"Nope, you must accept this defeat," Leaf said slyly. "But I'll tell you why you lost your battle with Blue if you don't put up a fight."

"Oh my." Red waggled his eyebrows and smirked.

Leaf thought about his implication for a moment and turned red. "N-Not like that, creep! Geez, no wonder you can't do anything right!"

"Oi, I'm standing right here."

"But do we have a deal?" Leaf asked, holding out her hand.

"…" Red looked at that treacherous hand. He didn't like the idea of agreeing to this harpy, but if it meant beating Blue…He took her hand. "Fine, deal."

"Good," she said, shaking the hand up and down. "You can let go now."

"…"

"Seriously, let go of my hand," Leaf stated gravely, looking towards the kitchen, "or I'll scream."

Red made the right choice and let go of her hand.

* * *

"That was a fabulous dinner, ma'am," Leaf stated happily, patting her stomach. "I haven't had Pidgey that good since I left Celadon City."

The woman smiled happily at the compliment, something she hadn't received in quite some time. "Oh, you flatter me. Did you say Celadon City? Are you from that area?"

Leaf nodded. "I am. I left a few days ago after accepting Professor Oak's request to collect data on the Pokedex."

Red just sat there with his head in his hand. He wasn't really paying attention to this incessant girl-talk; he only wanted to get to the battle talk.

"Celadon City is quite far from here. Surely your parents worry about you traveling so far away alone."

"Not really. They both work long hours at Silph Co. so I'm left alone a lot. They were really proud that I was noticed by the great Professor Oak."

Red let out a snort. Oak, great? Ever since he came back from the Great Pokemon War, he just acted like a nutty old man.

"Well, at least your parents have something to be proud of. All I have is this freeloader who gets infected by rabies after going into the tall grass without a Pokemon."

Leaf looked at Red with a deadpan look. "How'd you get rabies?"

"It was a… huge…Sandslash…"

"It was a Rattata," Red's mother corrected him. "He tried to kick a Rattata and he got bit."

"Why would you ever kick a wild Pokemon without protection?"

"…I wanted a Rattata," Red pouted. "I love Hyper Fang."

"…Is there something wrong with your son, ma'am?"

"I had him tested," Red's mother said sadly. "He has no mental disabilities, according to the psychiatrists. Humph. Shows what they know; they never had to raise him for thirteen years."

"Whatever, stupid girls don't know anything." Red then stood up and started to head to his room.

"Wait, Red," his mother called him. "Show Leaf to your room, she'll be staying there tonight."

"Huh? That's where I sleep."

"No, you'll sleep on the couch tonight," Red's mother corrected him again. He hated it when she did that.

"B-but…"

"Think of it as training. You'll be sleeping in the woods soon enough."

"B-but…"

"No."

"…Stupid girls…" he muttered. "Come on, Leaf. It's just up the stairs."

Leaf smiled to herself, stood up and nodded politely to the woman. "Thanks again for taking care of me. Have a good evening."

"My pleasure, dear. Take care." As the kids headed to the second floor, the woman's smile was replaced with a tired frown.

She stood up, went to the cupboard and pulled out a silver flask. After taking a swig from it, she wiped her lips and sighed. "He's just as bad as his father. I should've listened to my mother and married that nice Unovan from Vermillion City."

* * *

Leaf happily sighed as she sunk into the bed.

"I hope you enjoy that. It's mine."

"It's heavenly, thank you," Leaf retorted, sitting up in a cross-legged position, settling into a teacher-like persona. "But enough about that. A deal is a deal, isn't it? I'll tell you why you failed hard today."

"It wasn't _hard_."

"It was _atrocious_." She waggled her outstretched finger and began, "First, you don't even know what moves your Pokemon can do."

"Huh? And you do, Miss Know-It-All?"

"Of course. A Charmander at that level most likely knows Scratch and Growl. You somehow made it perform Tail Whip, though. Maybe it inherited an Egg Move? Well, that's interesting…"

"Wait, wait…" Red held up his hands. "How do you know all this?"

Leaf chuckled triumphantly and puffed out her chest, a movement noticed by Red. "I wasn't just picked off the street for this Pokedex, you know. I won the Pokemon Quiz Bowl at the Pokemon Academy in Viridian City. I've studied Pokemon encyclopedias for years!"

"So you're a giant nerd, okay," Red deadpanned. "Is there any way for _me _to learn all this?"

"Hmph. You're just an idiot. You have the world's foremost Pokemon encyclopedia in your back pocket, don't you?" she asked, pulling out her Pokedex. "This thing can even tell you a Pokemon's level, and cross reference it with the moves and abilities it _might_ know. With this and the Pokemon's preferred battle strategy, you can easily win any match—I won every simulated Pokemon battle at the Pokemon Academy, you know."

"It just seems like you're fishing for compliments now," Red said unimpressed. "So I can just use this thing?"

"Right, but that's not all," sighed Leaf. "Like the idiot that you are, you sent a Fire-type against a Water-type."

"So?"

"So Fire-type does little damage to Water-type, while Water-types destroy Fire-types, moron!"

"Ugh."

"Don't you know anything?" Leaf sniffed, holding up her Pokedex. "Type Effectiveness."

The Pokedex screen showed a chart with a few arrows and "X"-marks on it.

"This screen will show you which types are effective against which. Try and memorize it, dummy."

Red took out his Pokedex and scrolled through some of its features. He hated to admit it, but that quack actually made something pretty useful.

"You shouldn't even consider battling until you gain some knowledge in that tiny pea you call a brain. I bet even I could beat you as you are now," Leaf said confidently, covering her mouth with the back of her hand and let out a haughty laugh. "Ohohohohoho."

_What an annoying laugh_, Red thought. "Prove it."

"Huh?"

"Charmander's probably plenty healed by now; how about we go outside and see how good you are."

Leaf faltered a bit. She had never faced a human before in a Pokemon battle. But she reassured herself; how different could it be from a battle with an AI program, after all? "F-Fine, as if I'd lose to a punk like you!"

"Let's go then!"

* * *

The sun was a beautiful mix of red and orange as the sun was sinking into night. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was a comfortable coolness.

Red and Leaf were out in the backyard of the former's house, their Pokemon already facing off against each other.

With Pokedexes in her hand, Leaf pointed it at her Bulbasaur. _Tackle, Ingrain and Growl…Ingrain isn't a normal move at this level so I'll set it up first_.

"Alright, Bloom, use Ingrain!" Bloom nodded as roots crept from the bulb and rooted firmly into the ground.

Red bit his lip while also holding his Pokedex to both Pokemon. Now the foe would be healing every few minutes or so. He'd have to make sure Charmander would hit its foe hard before it healed enough.

He checked the small screen: Scratch, Growl and… Iron Tail? Didn't that brainiac say it was Tail Whip? Whatever. That didn't matter right now.

"Okay, Charmander; use Scratch!"

Charmander let out a roar and scratched at the opponent with its sharp claws. Bloom cringed as green blood dripped from the open wounds.

"Bloom, Tackle." The Bulbasaur was able to knock Charmander back with a powerful push. Charmander fell back, but was able to shake it off and get back up. At that moment, much of the damage from the scratch was healed with the Ingrain.

"Okay, Charmander. Try Iron Tail." Charmander's tail burned white as it swung around and just swatted Bloom's head with its tail. The green reptile let out a howl in pain as the strangely hard tail impacted her like a fiery mace.

"H-huh?! Charmander doesn't know Iron Tail!"

"Shows what you know, Miss Smarty Pants!" Red said. "Bow down before the true Pokemon Master! Wahahahaha!"

"What an annoying laugh," Leaf murmured. She then brought her focus back to the battle. "Okay then; Bloom, use Tackle!"

Before Red could issue another order, the Bulbasaur sprung at his Charmander, faster than anything that size had a right to do and rammed her bulb into Charmander's stomach, knocking the wind out of it and sending it sprawling to the ground.

"Get up, Charmander!" Red begged as the lizard Pokemon rose slowly up from the ground. "We can still do this!"

"You should just give up, dummy!" Leaf shouted victoriously. "You can't beat someone like me who trained for years! Bloom, Tackle!"

As the reptile hurdled closer to his Charmander, Red could only shout out in hope, "Charmander, dodge it! To the right!"

Charmander moved to the right and the Bulbasaur smashed into the ground with the force of an anvil.

"Saur!" the Grass-type groaned as it rolled and came to a stand-still, taking a moderate amount of damage from the impact.

"W-What!?" Leaf seemed taken aback by this maneuver, but recovered quickly. "Hmph. Don't worry, Bloom; wait for Ingrain to heal you, then Tackle again!"

A green light surrounded Bulbasaur, seemingly pepping it up before it tried to floor Charmander again.

"Charmander, go left," Red said.

Charmander moved left and Bulbasaur slammed into the ground again.

"Grr…" Leaf growled. "How long do you think you can keep this up!?"

Red had a suspicion then…

"_I won every simulated Pokemon battle at the Pokemon Academy, you know."_

…that Leaf had no idea what a real fight was like.

"Bloom, let's end this! Get close enough so it can't move and Tackle again!"

"Bulba!"

Bloom charged at Charmander who prepped its body, waiting for orders.

"Charmander, jump up!" Red commanded when Bulbasaur was close enough to spit at, "and then use Scratch!"

Charmander jumped up, barely clearing the Bulbasaur, before sending down its claw.

To Bulbasaur, it was as if it was the Hand of God.

The unfortunate Seed Pokemon was sent sprawling to the ground, but that wasn't the end of it. "Don't let up, Charmander, hit it hard!"

With the order from its master Charmander kept at it, landing scratch after scratch on Bulbasaur's undefended stomach, leaving it unable to react, much less defend.

"Finish it with an Iron Tail!"

Leaf could only stare in horror and shock as the enemy Charmander drew back its flaming appendage and, like a professional baseball player, scored a homerun on her Pokemon's face, sending it flying back a half dozen feet and straight into unconsciousness.

"Huh, so it seems I'm not so useless after all, eh, Leaf?" Red smirked triumphantly. "Leaf?"

Leaf's face was shrouded by shadows as she looked at her fainted Pokemon, "Red…"

"Yeah?"

"You idiot!"

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures": Red and Leaf go through Route 1 and onto Viridian City. What wacky shenanigans will they get into next? Stay tuned for the next chapter!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Pokemon and its characters belong to Game Freak, Nintendo and Ken Sugimori. All other used material belong to their respective owners. I only wish I could make money off of this.

* * *

Chapter 2 — I Wanna Be The Very Best ~~

It was not a typical placid day on Route 1–it was, in fact, downright miserable. That was all Leaf could think about as she waded through the waist-high grass, drenched in sweat and covered in bug bites. Why didn't anyone cut this grass? Hell, why hasn't a random traveler on this route cut out a path with a Scyther yet? This was a major Kanto route. It was named _Route 1_, for Zapdos' sake.

And that wasn't even the worst part of it.

The worst part was that her "traveling partner" was humming the most goddamn annoyingly catchy song that she had ever heard in her life.

Red's humming went up to a high point as he started to play an air guitar, rocking out to the chorus.

"Alright, shut up!" Leaf shouted. "You've been singing that goddamn song for an hour straight now! What are you even humming, some super-sentai theme song?!"

"Pfft, no. It's the only thing that my dad ever did right," Red retorted. "He sung it to me every night before he drunk himself into a stupor and fell into the sea. It goes: _I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was! To…_"

Leaf realized at that moment that this was probably the reason her traveling companion was so damned weird.

She also realized that Red was right; this was his Dad's greatest creation. Red himself was probably his Dad's worst.

"…_You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch them all! Gotta catch them all! Pokemon!_" Red sang, strumming his fingers against his invisible guitar and finishing with a flourish.

_How in the hell did an idiot like this beat me?_ Leaf sniffed derisively. _Hmph. It's only because he used non-standard moves like "dodge." I'll beat him next time, Ohohohohoho!_

"Why are you laughing?"

"Eh—Uh, no reason." Leaf blushed slightly and turned her head to the side.

She was embarrassed to admit that after her loss the day before she threw a small hissy-fit. It was a bit disgraceful, acting like a child in front of someone else when she should be more mature. Red didn't seem to care, though; he just lavished praise on his Charmander and went to bed.

Because her Bulbasaur hadn't fully healed yet, she demanded that Red travel with her to Viridian City in order to protect her from wild Pokemon.

_Hmph, at least he's proven to be more competent at battling, but only because of my help!_

It was true that as they traveled on the route they encountered many Pidgey and Rattata; however they were swiftly dealt with by Red and his Charmander. Of course that was only due to Leaf issuing orders to the two, or so she would like to believe.

She didn't know why Red had his Charmander burn the encountered Rattata after they were knocked out though. She heard that animal abuse at a young age was a sign of a psychopath…

"Rawr!" the Charmander screeched happily as it pointed ahead with a small claw.

"Oh, we're getting close to town?" Red asked.

"Rawr, rawr!"

"That's good, I'm looking forward to leaving your company," Leaf sniffed. "I'm afraid I am no good at dealing with barbarians like you."

"Well, I'm not good with…" Red thought for a second. "Shut up."

"Hah, what a wonderful riposte. Absolutely masterful in its composition."

"Do you think big words make you sound smart?"

"Yes."

"…Goddamn you."

Leaf felt victorious once more in her battle of wits as the two entered in the city bounds. Viridian City was far larger than sleepy old Pallet Town, but it was still no Celadon or Saffron City in Leaf's eyes. Up ahead she could see the Pokemon Academy where she swept the floor with all those plebians with her vast knowledge, and the Pokemon Center with its red roof; sure, it's eye-catching to any trainer, but it's also such an eye-sore. The only other landmark of the town was the large building to the far north; she assumed it was the Gym Leader's building.

"Hmph, I've traveled with you long enough," Leaf said, turning to the left. "I'll be going now."

"Uh, hey." Red pointed forward. "The Gym's that way."

"I know that, idiot!" Leaf jabbed at his side. "Bloom should be healed by now, so I'm going to Route 22. I want to see all the Pokemon there before I go on."

"Nerd."

"Idiot. Here, because I'm magnanimous, I'll give you these," she said before literally throwing five Pokeballs at Red's face. Three were a direct hit. "Hmph, you didn't even prepare for this journey, did you? At least your mom is holding onto half of the money you make. And take this advice: visit the Pokemon Center; your Charmander looks like it could use some help."

"Mrmph," Red retorted with a Pokeball stuck in his face-hole.

"Later, idiot," Leaf said with a flip of her hair before going down Route 22.

* * *

Finally free from that brainless ape, Leaf was able to smile freely at the scenic route before her. Route 22 was in far better condition than that backwater Route 1; there were cleaner paths and grass that was actually managed properly! She was going to have a fun day learning all about Pokemon.

The first few Pokemon were the standard fare of Pidgey and Rattata, widely considered pests of the region. Leaf had already caught them and added their data in the Pokedex from Red's encounters on Route 1, not that she let him notice. It wasn't like she was grateful to him or anything. Therefore, she mostly used them as punching bags for Bloom to gain experience on.

Leaf wandered the field for a while when a brand new Pokemon jumped in front of her, beating its chest with its long arms and screeching wildly.

Leaf gasped in excitement as she pointed her device at the creature. "**Mankey, the Pig Monkey Pokemon. It is light and agile on its feet, and ferocious in temperament. When angered it flies into an uncontrollable frenzy.**"

"Alright, Bloom; let's whittle down that Mankey's health with some Leech Seed." Bloom nodded and fired small seeds near the feet of the Mankey. Vines sprang up, wrapping around the ankles and piercing into the skin.

The Mankey howled in anger and tried to charge, but with its limited mobility from being entangled in vines, Leaf was able to get another move in. "Now Tackle!"

Bloom pushed the Mankey down with her bulky body and just moved away as Mankey's razor-sharp claws lashed out at her face.

Leaf could see that the Mankey was getting weaker, its movements slowing down. She took this moment to take one of her empty Pokeballs and chuck it at the injured wild creature. The Mankey's body converted into bright light as it was absorbed into the ball and it landed on the ground.

Now the real challenge had begun. Leaf narrowed her eyes and used all her willpower to focus on the twitching ball. Bloom had no idea what her trainer was up to, but she kept her focus on the round orb as well in case that hideous furball got out again.

One shake…two….three…

_Click!_

Leaf let out a happy squeal and jumped up in joy. A new Pokemon has been added to the Pokedex and to her growing collection. Leaf could feel the pride swelling up inside her chest. She wondered as she picked up the ball containing Mankey if catching all Pokemon was going to be this easy.

"Squaw!" Leaf turned around barely in time to dodge the brown blur coming towards her face. After getting away, she turned to see an odd-looking brown and red bird hovering above her.

She slowly backed away and aimed her Pokedex at the bird. "**Spearow, the Tiny Bird Pokemon.** **It is inept at flying high. However it can fly around very fast to protect its territory.**"

"No kidding," Leaf said, keeping her eye on the irate bird. She was unnerved by the fact that this Flying-type was facing off against her and the only Pokemon she could use was Bloom, who was a Grass-type and the Mankey, who had low health and was a Fighting-type.

Both were weak to Spearow, who at this level knew Peck, a strong Flying-type move.

"Alright, Bloom, use—" Faster than Leaf could finish her command, the Spearow dived down like a bullet and smashed its beak into the bulb on Bloom's back. The hit actually tore the bulb open a bit, sending shards of cellulose and green fluid flying into the air.

Bloom rolled to the ground and came up in a shaky stance, as Spearow quickly took to the sky again and circled the Bulbasaur in an odd pattern.

Leaf was becoming worried at this point. Soon she would have no Pokemon and who knows what this bird would do to her? She didn't want her eyes to be pecked out of their sockets!

Then she remembered from her time at the Academy that Spearow flew in a figure-eight pattern towards and against the north-wind!

"_Nerd."_ Leaf could almost hear Red's annoying voice in her head, but ignored it and analyzed the Spearow's flight path. When he was getting closer to Bloom she shouted, "Use Leach Seed, directly above you!"

Three seeds shot out of Bloom's ruptured bulb and struck the Spearow's underbelly mid-flight. The vines quickly sprouted and wrapped around the bird, drawing its wings to its body.

Without anything to sustain its flight it quickly became a bullet that smashed straight into the ground with a sickening crack. The damage dealt to Bloom was slowly healing from the vines, though she was still in poor shape.

Leaf took this opportunity to throw a ball at the downed Spearow. After three shakes and a click, Leaf let out a sigh of relief.

Perhaps she shouldn't have jinxed herself earlier. She got her composure back into order and recalled Bloom into her ball. "You did very well today, Bloom. Let's just collect our Spearow and head to the Pokemon Center."

As soon as she said that and picked up the Pokeball and placing them in her bag, she froze at the sound of a small sound.

"Nii?"

She slowly turned around and her eyes caught sight of a small blue creature looking up at her with red eyes. It was covered in thin spikes, had rather large ears and it seemed to be smiling at her.

Leaf gulped and forced herself not to make sudden movements. She was not ready for another battle: she had weak Pokemon, no matter what type advantage she had against this thing.

But still the brainiac inside her wanted to know more about this creature. Surely it wouldn't hurt to look it up in the Dex, right?

She pointed her Pokedex at it shakily and listened to the robotic voice. "**Nidoran , the Poison Pin Pokemon. A mild-mannered Pokémon that does not like to fight. Beware, its small horns secrete venom**."

Well, at least it didn't seem like it would attack without provocation. But those horns could be a problem if they touched her. The safe move would be to walk backwards slowly.

But every time she stepped back, the Nidoran took a step forward. She didn't even realize she was trapped until she bumped into a large tree behind her. Nervously, she looked at the slowly advancing Nidoran.

She felt sweat break out on her face as the cute little creature approached her legs, its nose and whiskers twitching.

"Nii!" it cried as it suddenly sprang forward and nuzzled into her legs, looking up at her with a stare that screamed "pet me!"

"Err…" There were rivers of sweat leaking down Leaf's temples and dripping from her chin. "Y-you're a little cutie, aren't you…?"

Gulping, she carefully reached down and patted the Pokemon on the head.

Excited at the attention, it rewarded her by nuzzling its horn into her hand.

She heard a squelching sound as her hand was pierced by the needle and she let out a loud scream. The Nidoran jumped slightly in surprise, but was unable to pull its horn out of her hand.

"Uwaa!" Leaf cried, unable to shake off the creature. She then decided to just pick it up.

It wasn't the smartest decision she ever made, that's for certain.

A half dozen more spikes pierced her skin, but she didn't really care at this point. She bolted for the Pokemon Center in a headlong sprint, clutching the Nidoran for dear life.

Luckily she wasn't very far into Route 22, so it didn't take her long to get into town. One man on the way to the Pokemon Center tried to ask if she was alright, but she ended up bowling him over on the way to the entrance.

Pushing others out of the way, she made it to the counter where a pink-haired nurse with the nametag "Joy" sat.

"Uh…Miss, are you alright?" the nurse asked the pale, sweating and slightly purple-faced girl in front of her.

In response, Leaf held out the Nidoran and sat it on the counter.

"Nii…"

Leaf then collapsed to her knees, barely holding herself up at the counter and gasped for breath. Splotches of black filled her vision.

"P…poison…"

"Oh my!" the nurse exclaimed, hitting the "help" buzzer underneath the table. "I need a stretcher stat and antidote—the human kind. Quickly!"

That was all Leaf could really remember as the sweet sensation of unconsciousness washed over her.

* * *

Leaf never liked waking up in unfamiliar places. For a few moments she always forgot where she had slept and thought that she may have been kidnapped.

It was never more pronounced than in the moment she woke up in a sterile white room on a steel-frame single bed, in nothing but a hospital gown.

"What-the-fu-where-am-I?!" she screamed, throwing the covers off of her and searching for her Pokeballs.

"Nii!" the cry from her bed stand stopped her cold and her head slowly turned to the offender.

That damn Nidoran was trying to balance itself on a Pokeball and failing. Normally that wouldn't have been a huge problem except that, in the search for her things, Leaf got a little too close to it.

Like face-to-face close.

"Uwaa!" she shouted falling onto the floor and crawling desperately away from the hell-spawn. The Nidoran looked down at her and tilted its head to the side. The two stared at each other for a bit, with the Nidoran smiling and Leaf twitching her eye.

At that moment Nurse Joy had decided to walk in. She stopped at the scene and asked in confusion, "What are you doing? You should be in bed resting."

Leaf's mind slowed down and began to process exactly where she was. The Pokemon Center. She remembered touching the Nidoran and getting poisoned from its touch, running all the way to the Center and then passing out at the counter…

"Oh, um…s-sorry about that, nurse." Leaf cleared her throat and stood up shakily, using the bed post for support. She gave a smile and laughed a bit awkwardly. "I just…forgot where I was for a moment and I get a bit jumpy if I don't know where I am right away. Heh, heh."

Nurse Joy gave a small sigh as she helped the girl to the bed side. "Well, at least you seem to be feeling a lot better. You had a lot of toxins in you. You should be a little more careful when playing with your Nidoran."

"Y-Yeah, I'll remember that next time. Thank you," Leaf said, glancing sideways at the Nidoran, who chirped at her playfully. Well, it looks like she was able to catch one more Pokemon after all; maybe not in the way she had hoped for. "I'm really sorry for disrupting your business."

Nurse Joy waved her hand in dismissal and smiled. "Oh, don't worry about it. I've seen some pretty crazy stuff as a nurse. And besides, you weren't half as bad as that boy that was in here earlier."

Leaf had a sinking suspicion that she knew who that boy was and could only give a plastic smile. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, he and his Pokemon were causing a huge ruckus. His Charmander even used SmokeScreen inside of the building; it took quite a while for us to clear it all out."

Leaf just wanted to face-palm right there at the sheer idiocy of that kid, but she managed to hold back and let out a small chuckle. "Wow, what an annoying brat. Good thing he left before I came here."

She then remembered something important. "Oh, my Pokeballs? Where did you put them?"

"We healed them all up after we treated you for your poison. They and your other belongings should be in the first drawer of the bed stand."

Leaf could only scowl as she took note of the poisonous Pokemon sitting on top of the cupboard. _Well, it seems to like me enough. As long as I'm careful around this thing I should be fine_, she thought as she gingerly opened the drawer and grabbed her bag. Nidoran just gave a small sneeze and shook its head.

"Now that all that chaos is over and done with, I better give some of my captured Pokemon some names," Leaf said with a smile, releasing all the Pokemon she caught today. They all crowded around her in curiosity.

"Okay so…" Leaf took out her Pokedex and pointed it at each of the Pokemon to learn their genders. "Pidgey is a girl, so I'll call her Feather. Rattata is a boy–I like Munchie, and Spearow is a boy too, I think Wing is a good name for it. Mankey is female, so how about Banana?"

The birds tilted their heads and chirped in agreement. Munchie the Rattata merely chewed on the blanket with its overgrown teeth and the Mankey now named Banana pounded its fists together and howled. Leaf took that as a "yes."

"Ni-ni!" Nidoran shouted, kicking its hind legs up in what looked like impatience. Leaf looked at it. It technically was her Pokemon now so it made sense to give it a nickname. Hell, the little bugger looked like it wanted to be called something!

"Okay, take it easy, I'll name you too. Hmm, let me think…" Leaf pondered for a moment before reaching a decision. "Cyan, after the color of your fur."

_It also sounds similar to "cyanide," _Leaf thought, though she couldn't help but smile as Cyan the Nidoran hopped up and down happily.

Nurse Joy smiled at the heartwarming sight. "How adorable. Anyways Miss Leaf, you can be discharged now. You can dress yourself here and head to the front desk to sign your release form."

"Okay, thank you!" Leaf said as the nurse walked back to the front of the center. Leaf spared no time in returning her Pokemon into their balls and putting them into the bag. She also took note that she had caught six Pokemon already. That was the League's maximum amount to have in a Pokemon battle.

_I guess whatever I catch next will go into that Pokemon PC Storage so my bag doesn't get cramped_, she thought as she began to undress. _I wonder who made that storage system in the first place; maybe I'll be able to meet him someday_.

After getting dressed in her normal clothes, she swung her bag over her shoulder and left the room. It had been an eventful day. She was feeling pretty good about herself despite all the setbacks.

She couldn't help but feel smug as she signed the paper handed to her by Nurse Joy. _I bet that idiot hasn't caught a single Pokemon yet. Probably already lost in Viridian Forest by now…all by himself…without my guidance to help him along._

Leaf shook herself out of those thoughts. Who cares about morons like Red anyways when she should be thinking about her next move? She looked to the nurse and asked, "Um, do you know if the Gym Leader of this city is in right now?"

Nurse Joy shook her head as she took the forms and filed them away. "I'm sorry, but the Leader is currently away on some form of business and he'll be gone for quite some time. He's a rather mysterious type of person; we don't even know his true name."

Leaf found this to be odd. It was true that Gym Leaders were important people and had lives outside of managing the Gym, but to be absent for a long stretch of time? That causes problems for trainers throughout the region who are aiming to complete the League challenge and be the best like no one ever….Goddammit, now she was thinking of that damn song!

"Okay then, thank you for everything. Have a good day," Leaf said and she exited the center.

* * *

After going to the Mart to stock up on Potions and Pokeballs, Leaf decided to head out of town now that she completed all she wanted to do in the area.

"I wonder what Route 2 and Viridian Forest will be like," Leaf said as she walked down the north path out of town. "I hear that Viridian Forest is a nationally preserved habitat, so there should be some nice Grass- and Bug-type Pokemon there…"

Caught in her own thoughts she did not see that there was an old man in the middle of the road murmuring something about coffee and teaching people how to catch Pokemon, and she accidentally stepped on his face.

"Oh!" Leaf lifted her foot off the old man's face immediately. "I'm so sorry!"

The old man gave her a thumbs up in reply. "White. Nice."

It took Leaf a second to understand what he was saying. When she did, she slammed her foot back down onto his face.

Hard.

"Geez, why is every guy I meet so perverted?" She crossed her arms under her chest and looked down. "Is it you guys? Is that the reason why?"

Naturally, her breasts did not respond.

"No, it couldn't possibly be that."

Actually…

Never mind, we shall move on.

Leaf ambled along Route 2, which was a straight shot before the entrance to the forest. She didn't encounter anything special or different that would pique her interest, so she used the surrounding Pokemon to train up her team.

After some good battle experience, Leaf headed into the forest. She was thankful that she wasn't traveling the woods at night, though the massive branches and green leaves made it difficult for sunlight to break through. It was a verdant, shady paradise, considered one of the natural jewels of Kanto.

Leaf strolled through the forest, making sure to keep an eye out for new species. She came across two different types of Bug Pokemon: Caterpie, a sickeningly-adorable green bug with huge eyes and red antennae, and Weedle, an orange bug with a poison-filled stinger on top of its head.

Leaf made sure to take extra precautions when capturing the latter.

After spending some time walking through the forest, picking up fallen items, battling the wildlife and capturing the evolutions of Caterpie and Weedle, Metapod and Kakuna (which were the easiest things she had ever caught so far), she began to notice the suspicious lack of trainers in this area.

And…was that smoke she smelled?

As she turned around a corner, she caught sight of a young boy sitting against a tree, sobbing into his hands. From what seemed like a kilometer around him were burnt trees, singed bushes and barren and blackened soil.

That sinking feeling returned to Leaf once more as she approached the boy.

"Excuse me? Are you alright?" Leaf asked. "What happened here?"

The boy looked up and sniffled. "I-I was just in a battle with this kid. I didn't know what would happen. That horrible Charmander…it burned everything around us. My poor Beedrill…I'm so sorry!"

Leaf just let out a sigh and looked to the sky as if the answers would be there. She hoped to the Birds that the next city would still be in one piece by the time she got there. She then looked back at the young trainer while shuffling through her bag.

"Okay, here's a Repel I found on the ground earlier. Spray yourself with this and head back to Viridian City as soon as possible. Go to a law enforcement officer and report this, then head to the Pokemon Center."

"Thank you, miss! Thank you!" the boy said, taking the can from her hands. He sprayed himself with it and then ran past her as fast as possible.

Leaf watched him until he disappeared and then headed for the entrance, trying not to think about what had transpired in this forest. That kid should be locked up; he was a blight upon this world.

She had found herself leaving the forest and back on the familiar path of Route 2. She saw that it was now mid-evening and decided to head into Pewter City for the night.

It was a nice town settled between mountains, if a bit sparse in residence. The Pokemon Center was conveniently right in front of Leaf as she entered it. Behind it she could barely see the Gym up ahead and the red roof of a large building.

It had been a long day and she hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. Since she didn't fight any trainers today, buying food would cut into her traveling expenses a bit, but she still had money to spare.

She headed into the Mart and grabbed the cheapest boxed food she could find before paying for it at the checkout counter.

"That'll be 1,280 Poke," the bored teen at the register, maybe a year or two older than Leaf, told her.

"What a rip-off!" Leaf snapped back, shocked at the price. "Do you really expect me to believe that this subpar cuisine is worth as much as six Potions?!"

"Supply and demand, honey," the teen said, peering over the counter. "We don't have many people, so the food supply is usually low. We order Potions in bulk, which almost never expire because of the Gym next door, so the supply is always high."

"That's stupid." Leaf sighed. "And I think you're doing supply and demand wrong, somehow. What's next, bikes cost 1,000,000 Poke?"

Actually…

"Don't blame me, honey." The teen eyed her slyly. "But you know…I could give you a deal if keep me company for a while…"

"Just take the money, you incorrigible pig." Leaf stuffed her hand into her bag and threw the money on the counter. "It astounds me how useless, perverted, self-righteous children like you manage to get jobs. Know that you'll one day die alone and useless to society."

With that she turned on her heel and walked out of the Mart.

"Please come again."

"Go die."

Fuming as she stepped out of the store, Leaf headed towards the Pokemon Center with her overpriced dinner in hand to see if there was any available space for the night.

* * *

Leaf's Team

**Bloom – Level 8**

Bulbasaur, Female

-Tackle

-Leech Seed

-Ingrain

-Growl

-Ability: Overgrow

**Feather – Level 6**

Pidgey, Female

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Munchie – Level 6**

Rattata, Male

-Tackle

-Tail Whip

-Ability: Run Away

**Wing – Level 7**

Spearow, Male

-Peck

-Growl

-Leer

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Banana – Level 7**

Mankey, Female

-Scratch

-Leer

-Low Kick

-Ability: Vital Spirit

**Cyan – Level 8**

Nidoran

-Scratch

-Growl

-Tail Whip

-Ability: Poison Point

Boxed Pokemon

**Dunce** – Weedle – Level 4

**Lettuce** – Caterpie – Level 4

**Apis** – Kakuna – Level 7

**Papilia** – Metapod – Level 7

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures": What exactly did Red do to that forest? Why was that man laying in the road talking about coffee? Find out next time in the next chapter!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Pokemon and its characters belong to Game Freak, Nintendo and Ken Sugimori. All other used material belongs to their respective owners. I'm just a poor college student who writes this for fun.

* * *

Chapter 3-Burning Down the House

Red had just spat the Pokeball from his mouth into his hand as he leered at the disappearing figure of Leaf. Sheesh, what a big-mouthed know-it-all; any sucker who got her as a girlfriend was in for a sorry time.

She was pretty hot though.

After sticking the balls into his bag, he trudged to the Pokemon Center. Charmander looked pretty worn out from the trip.

Swaggering into the red-roofed building, he noticed that it was a pretty technologically advanced place. There where strange looking machines everywhere, and a computer that Red assumed was for trainers' use was standing on the far wall. At the front desk there was stationed a pink-haired nurse with a name tag that read "Joy."

Meandering through the crowd, he came up to the nurse. Without a second thought he asked her, "So is that your natural hair color or not?"

"Pardon me?" The nurse was taken aback by this sudden question.

"I mean, I've never seen anyone with pink hair before," Red told her seriously, ticking of his fingers. "Blonde, black, brown, red, I've even seen purple hair once, but never pink. Are you a Pokemon?"

"No," Nurse Joy responded. "I'm not a Pokemon. Do you have any busi—"

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." Joy's teeth ground together. "What do you want?"

"Hmm. I'm here to get Charmander healed. I heard you guys do it for free or something."

"Rawr!"

"Aww, what a little cutie," Nurse Joy said, picking up the lizard. "Unlike its master."

"Oi."

"Yes?"

"I'm standing right here."

"Yes, you are," Joy agreed. "And I have the right to refuse service to anyone."

"…" Red shut up and accepted defeat. For now.

"Good." She set Charmander down on the desk and took out a spray bottle from beneath the counter. "This will only take a second."

Joy sprayed the Charmander all over, and the scratches and scuffs it had obtained soon faded away into smooth skin…or is it scales? I don't know. Go ask a Pokebiologist.

"Rawr, Rawr!" Charmander, feeling immediately better, clapped its hands.

"Oh, looks like you're feeling energetic now, eh Charmander?" Red grinned as he rubbed his partner's head. "How about we go fry us some bugs now, huh? Doesn't that sound fun?"

"Er, young man…" Joy interrupted him. "Putting aside your rudeness and seemingly sociopathic tendencies to abuse animals, it seems like you get along well with your Pokemon."

"Pfft, yeah. Why wouldn't I? Look at Charmander, isn't he cool?"

"…Yes." Joy said with a sigh. "But did you know that giving Pokemon nicknames brings you closer together to them?"

"Hmm, really?" Red stared deep into Charmander's eyes. "Then, I guess I'll call you **Trogdor, the Burnanator!**"

Charmander then bit into Red's hand. Hard.

"Oh my," Nurse Joy said, placing a hand on her cheek. "It seems like you just don't understand a woman's heart."

"Huh?!"

"Your Charmander's a girl."

"…" Red stared at the Charmander attached to his hand. "A girl, huh? Does it at least become a giant dragon or something?"

"Well, actually…"

"Wait, really?" Red paused to think about it. "That's awesome."

"Are you sure _you_ don't need a check-up?"

Red ignored her insult and said to his Charmander dramatically, "Alright, I'll call you **Ash!** How's that, girl? You like that name?"

Ash stopped biting his hand and began to lick it affectionately. It was a much better moniker than that silly Trogdor or whatever he was going to call her.

"Ha-ha, victory is mine!"

"Sir…" Nurse Joy broke in. "If you are done now, could you step out of line? There are other's waiting."

Turning around, Red saw that there was a steadily forming line behind him with rather peeved-looking people. He turned back to look at Joy. "You win this round, Nurse."

"No, I don't think I did."

"But I'll return."

"Please don't."

With a flourish of his hand, Red stepped out of line and sank into a couch on the far end of the room. Ash jumped up next to him and looked over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

Fishing through his pocket, Red pulled out his Pokedex and opened it up. "Alright, Ash, let's see what we've accomplished so far."

A small screen came up with Ash's recorded data on it:

**Ash – Level 10**

Charmander, Female

-Scratch

-Growl

-Iron Tail

-Ember

-Ability: Blaze

_Leaf said that Iron Tail was weird for a Charmander to learn_, Red thought, looking at the move list. _But she also said that her Bulbasaur was different by knowing Ingrain. I blame that crazy old Oak. Wait, does this mean Blue's Pokemon knows something cool too?! Damn it, that ginger should just stay lame!_

Looking down, Red then noticed that there was a message marked "Urgent" on his Pokedex.

Notice: Ash wants to learn **Smokescreen,** but cannot learn more than four moves. Would you like it to forget a move to learn **Smokescreen**?

"What, are you kidding me?" Red turned to Ash. "You can't remember more than _four _moves? Are you retarded?"

"Rawr?"

"No, you will remember them all. Right now."

"Raw~wr?!" Ash held her head in pain, her face scrunched in pain as she tried her best to learn something new.

"Seriously? Is it that hard for you?"

"RAWR!" Red noticed people were looking their way with disapproval in their eyes.

"Fine! Just forget Growl. No one likes that move anyways."

Would you like to forget **Growl** and learn **Smokescreen**?

"Yes, goddamn it." Red pushed the confirm button and there was a small ding. The Charmander's face went back to a relaxed look with the stress of learning a new move passed.

Congratulations, Ash forgot **Growl** and learned **Smokescreen**!

"Ugh, I hope I don't have to do that every time you learn something new." Red stared at Ash. "I won't, right?"

Ash stared sadly back at him, as if apologizing for something.

"Man, what's wrong with you? Bobby could remember more than you guys, and he was a pothead!"

"Rawr…"

"Sir!" Joy called to him over the crowd. "We do not condone Pokemon abuse in this facility!"

"You win this round, Joy!" Red shouted, throwing himself off the couch and doing a dramatic dive and roll onto the floor with Ash coming after him. "But we will return!"

"Please don't."

"You'll never take me alive! Ash, use Smokescreen!"

"Rawr!" Ash threw her head to the heavens and an ungodly amount of putrid black smoke shot forth from the lizard's mouth. To be honest, it looked like an exorcism was being performed on the Pokemon; it was a rather horrific scene.

"Hey!"

"What?!"

"Who grabbed my ass?!"

A cacophony of cries such as this rang throughout the Center as Red ran out of the door with a wild laugh. "Wahahahahahaha!"

Everyone in the Pokemon Center, regardless of their race, gender or species had only one thought at that moment: _What an annoying laugh._

* * *

"Stupid Nurse-type Pokemon, kicking me out of the Center…" Red mumbled.

What? No, that wasn't what happened. You destroyed the damn place.

"Well, she was dumb anyways, right Ash?"

"Rawr!"

Hey, hey. Don't try to rewrite history as you please.

"Anyways, let's go and burn some bugs!"

"Rawr!"

Jeez. Seriously, what's the point of this job? No one ever hears me. Is this what they call a crisis of identity?

Anyways, while the narrator continued to contemplate his life choices, Red and Ash followed the road out of town. They were pretty psyched to burn some bugs.

Unfortunately for them, an old man was standing in their way and he looked nuttier than old Oak.

"None shall pass!" the old man crowed, folding his arms.

"Yeah, whatever," Red snorted, pushing the old man to the side, fully intent on bypassing him until the man's cane impacted his skull with the force of a Snorlax's ass. "What the crap?!"

"None shall pass!" the old man crowed, standing in front of Red once again. "Until I've had my coffee!"

"Then go home, old man! Burden your family!"

"Hah! Joke's on you, I was put into a home long ago!"

"…" Red contemplated having Ash burn the man, but he was pretty sure that he couldn't get away with murder. He would try diplomacy first. "Old man, move now or forever hold your peace."

"Are you proposing to me, boy?" The old man looked at Red with an appraising eye. "Too bad I like my boys younger with darker hair."

"…You're going to a terrible place when you die."

"I'll see you there!" cackled the old man.

Red's knuckles cracked as he looked at the old man. He had no family; no one would think to look for him. He just had to make sure there was no body.

"Ash, use Emb—"

"Wait, wait!" Someone grabbed his shoulder from behind. Spinning around, Red saw it was a middle-aged man who explained to him, "That's just old man Jose. Someone's going to bring him his coffee in twenty minutes tops, just be patient!"

"And do what?!" Red snapped back. "I have the attention span of a goddamn Psyduck!"

"…You're just freely admitting that? Without any shame at all?" The middle-aged man shook his head before pointing to the right. "There's a Gym down that way. Kids like you like Pokemon Gyms, right?"

"Rawr!"

"Hell yeah we do! Ash, let's burn down a Gym!"

"Please don't burn it down!"

Red paid no more attention to the old kook and headed straight towards the building.

As soon as he reached the door, he briefly read the sign placed in front of him. "Viridian City Pokemon Gym. Leader: …"

"Huh, the rest of the text is unreadable," Red said, noticing the scratched off information. He shrugged at Ash. "I guess the guy doesn't like anyone knowing his identity. Seems a little suspicious…"

Ash just shrugged, not really caring about this type of information. Red shrugged back.

"I guess it doesn't matter. He'll be no match for the two of us! Let's roll!" The two headed into the doors only to be greeted by a portly man with a receding hairline and coke-bottle glasses. He was sitting in a wooden chair and reading a small paperback book, eyes half-closed.

He looked up from the book when the newcomer and his Pokemon entered through the doors. He gave a half-smile.

"Hey there, kiddo. Are you here to face the Gym Leader?" the man greeted.

Red nodded before asking, "I'm ready to duel. Are you the Gym Leader?"

The man let out a snort. "No, not me. I'm just the Gym Guide, Clyde. The Leader's not in right now. I'm…not a hundred percent sure what he's doing, though. He just said that he had "business he needed to take care of" and walked out."

"Surely you can't be serious?"

"I'm not joshing you, man." Clyde then added a bit cheekily, "And my name's not "Shirley." Heh, heh, sorry but it may take a while for him to get back."

Red closed his eyes and let out a long groan. Why was nothing going right for him on this journey? "Well, can I have some coffee then?"

"…What?"

"There's this old asshole who won't let me through until he gets coffee. It's all kinds of BS, man."

"Oh, Jose's at it again, huh? Why can't the nursing home staff keep an eye on him? He's always causing problems for everyone."

"I can't wait twenty minutes for this guy to get some coffee. I want to get out of this boring town!" Red complained, gripping his head in frustration. Ash mimicked his actions and gave a frustrated cry.

Clyde then pointed to a vending machine on the far left side of the room. "We keep that for trainers and Gym employees. I think there's some canned coffee in there."

"Thanks." Red walked over to the machine and inserted a few coins on the slot. He pushed the button for coffee and grabbed the can after it dropped down to the slot.

"Well, I'll be off to tame the gatekeeper. You take care, man." Red gave a small salute with his hand to the guide and headed for the door with Ash trailing behind him.

Clyde went back to his book. "Take care, kid. I hope to see you again soon."

Red didn't pay all that much attention to the man's send-off comment; his mind was now focused on conquering Jose with coffee.

* * *

"None shall pass!"

In the time Red had been away, Jose had somehow acquired an iron pot to wear as a helmet and plate-mail made out of, well, plates.

Did he raid someone's kitchen or something?

"Hey, child molester, I've got some coffee for you," Red said, waving the can in the air.

The old man leapt at it. "Give it to me! I must have it!"

"Sure, whatever," Red said, throwing the can behind him and watching as the old man ran after it.

_What an idiot_, Red thought as he started to walk away, only to see the man appear in front of him, empty crushed can in hand.

And shirtless.

"Dude, what the hell?"

"Thank you, young lad!" Jose bowed deeply and then adjusted his pot-helmet to reflect the light into Red's eyes. "In order to show you my gratitude, I will teach you how to catch a Pokemon!"

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

"I insist!" the old man roared, grabbing Red by the hair and dragging him away before he could react. "Onwards, to battle!"

"Shit, that hurts, you saggy old fart!"

Ash looked on, flabbergasted by the changes in circumstances. Honestly, both where so similar that she was having trouble distinguishing which asshole—er, human—was her master.

"Ha-ha, here we are, Route 2!" Jose exclaimed before Red slugged him in the gut, sending him to the ground.

"Hey asshole, what are you going to do if I go bald, huh?!"

"Never mind that—look!" Jose turned a murderous glare towards the rustling grass. "The evilest of all Pokemon—Weedle."

A small brown bug Pokemon with a silver spike on its head appeared. It was kind of cute.

"Are you shitting me, old man?"

"Now watch!" the old man shouted, pulling a Pokeball from _inside his pants_. "Missi, go, for I choose you!"

The old man chucked his Pokeball straight at the Weedle, which scored a direct hit and bounced off the poor creature's head. In a flash of light a…a _creature_ came out of the Pokeball.

To this day, that _evil thing_ still haunted Red's nightmares. His mind could not comprehend the form of the being before him. He could only describe the beast as _corrupted_.

"What _is_ that thing?!" Red shouted, knowing instinctively not to point his Pokedex at it. Like hell he wanted to record _that_; it could break the system.

"Ha, old Missi? She's a Pokemon I caught on Cinnabar Island years ago! Isn't she beautiful?"

"Dear Birds, that thing is a blight upon this earth."

"Hmph, don't listen to him, sweetie," the old man told his demonic hell-spawn. "Use Metronome!"

The thing cooed. At least that's what it probably did. It kind of sounded like a child being dipped into molten lead.

The thing then waved its…finger? Whatever it was, a beam of ice came from it soon afterwards and slammed into the Weedle, freezing it in a 3-foot thick block of ice.

"…" Red couldn't even speak anymore. Was this how people felt when talking to him? Maybe he should try and be a better person.

"Ha-ha, you see?" The old man said, poking the ice-block with his cane. "Now you just throw a Pokeball at it and…"

The red-and-white ball smacked into the ice, and through a miracle of the Lord, it absorbed the frozen creature, ice and all, sinking to the ground.

The ball twitched once…

Twice…

Three times…

Wait, really? Did you really expect it to break free? It was encased in ice. Of course the old monstrosity caught it.

"And that's how you catch a Poke—" The old man stopped suddenly, grabbing his chest. "E-eh?"

He slowly held up the can in his right hand. "This is…espresso…"

The old man then collapsed on the ground, mumbling something about coffee. The _thing_ slithered over in concern for its master.

Red walked stoically up to the old man's discarded Pokeball and returned Missi into it before pitching it at Ash and crying out, "Iron Tail!"

Ash smacked the ball farther than the eye could see, far into the sky and past the treetops.

Trainer and Pokemon shared a high-five before continuing on their journey, a silent promise to never speak about this _ever again_.

There wasn't much to be said of Red's time on Route 2. He went up against some low-level Pokemon before heading into the Viridian Forest.

He let out a low whistle. "Wow, this is a pretty big maze. I wonder if trainers get lost in here and end up dying from hunger. Pretty morbid thought, huh?"

He looked at Ash, who was poking the ground in curiosity. Red realized how hard it was holding a conversation with a creature that couldn't speak the human language and gave up before he looked stupid.

As the duo walked a bit further, Red's attention was drawn by a sharp, "Hey!"

He looked over to see a young boy holding a large bug-catching net. "Bug-catching is the best!"

"…" Red stared at the child. Why was everyone so odd now? "That's nice."

Before he had a chance to move along, the boy yelled out, "Go, Caterpie!"

"What are you…Are you challenging me to a battle?" Red snapped as the boy released a small green worm with freakishly large eyes. "Kid, you didn't even warn me or anything! Don't you know how challenges work?"

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"There's at least a two-minute regulated shit-talking period before you can establish yourself as an enemy with anyone." Red sighed, shaking his head. "Here, let me go first: where'd you get those clothes, at a gay bar?"

"These are my dead brother's hand-me-downs. He wanted to be the best bug-catcher."

"Yeah, and look where that got him! He's super-dead." Then Red remembered that he was supposed to be less of an asshole after his unfortunate encounter earlier with Jose. He decided to cut down the shit-talking period to thirty seconds instead.

"Okay kid, let's actually get to this. Go, Ash; hit it with an Ember!"

The kid tried to respond, but his eyes were full of tears and he could only blubber as his Caterpie was engulfed in flames.

As Red walked away with the prize money, he wondered if all of his future opponents would have as bad of insults as that kid had.

* * *

"Bug-types are really popular in schools! I bring mine all the time!"

"I bet bitches line up to pet your Caterpie, kid."

"You can't jam out in a Pokemon battle, yo!"

"I'll rock out to the sounds of your Pokemon's death cries."

"Isn't Metapod the greatest Pokemon?"

"Pfft, not as cool as my _flaming Charmander_!"

* * *

"Man what losers," Red muttered as he stroked his wallet, fat with his new winnings. "A few insults, a little fire and they all just start crying. 'No, don't burn my Caterpie' or 'No, my Kakuna hadn't even hatched yet;' what crybabies."

"Rawr!" Ash agreed.

"Still, I think Metapod is pretty cool. Let's try and catch one Ash, at least it doesn't look like some tiny bug or a girly butterfly or something."

"Rawr, rawr!"

It was at that moment when they heard a rustle in the grass. Turning around they came face to face with…

"One of you guys, again?" he said as he saw another kid with a net. "Aren't you late to an appointment with your psychologist or something?"

"What?" the kid asked, confused.

"All you people seem to do is cry."

"Pfft, big talk coming from an idiot who keeps walking around in circles," the kid scoffed. "Did you know you've wandered this forest about three times now? The other guys and I are taking bets on if you starve to death first or get poisoned and die."

"You want to go, you little ass?"

"Bring it, idiot."

Red motioned to Ash to head on out. He guessed that this brat would have yet another cocoon or worm. Instead however, the trainer sent out an intimidating bee with lances for appendages. Its red eyes focused hatefully on Ash and it let out a harsh buzz.

"Wow, that's actually pretty sick," Red said, pulling out his Pokedex and aiming it at the Pokemon.

"**Beedrill, the Poison Bee Pokemon. It has three poisonous stingers on its forelegs and its tail. They are used to jab its enemy repeatedly.**"

_Well, no matter how metal this thing looks, it's still a Bug-type. Ash's Ember attack will definitely put it out of commission._ Red pocketed his device and issued the order to his Pokemon. "Alright Ash, Ember that oversized bee to a crisp!"

Ash spew fire out at the Beedrill when the bug-catcher said, "Dodge those flames, Beedrill. Then give it a Fury Attack!"

Beedrill averted the fire attack before whizzing down and puncturing Ash's torso and arms.

"Crap! Ash, try to Scratch and Iron Tail that thing." Ash tried to swipe at the insect but it backed away after hitting her four times.

"Hah, you're not so tough," the bug-catcher gloated. "I'm regarded as the best bug-catcher in my whole class. Just keep flying away from the attacks and sting it hard, Beedrill."

Red was irritated at this point. That stupid Beedrill kept dodging all of Ash's attacks by using the trees for cover and taking cheap shots.

The kid laughed. "Looks like your lizard is not up to snuff after all, idiot!"

Red was at his last straw. He'll show this brat who the real trainer was.

"I…am not…an IDIOT!" Red shouted. "Ash, just burn everything you see around you! Hit that dumb bug with all your anger!"

"RAAAW!" Ash, who could feel her trainer's anger and embracing her rage against the opponent, let loose burning flames from her mouth at the fleeing form of Beedrill.

"Wuh? Hey, are you trying to burn this place down?! It's a nationally preserved area!" the bug trainer shouted before he took cover to avoid a fallen burning branch.

Red did not care at this point. He only wanted to defeat his opponent and be the winner. His whole life mission was "to be the very best." At any cost.

Beedrill did its best to dodge and weave out of the way of the stream of fire coming from Ash's mouth, eventually ducking between two trees.

Ash burned them down too.

"Hey, do you know how many Pokemon live there?!"

"None now!"

Suddenly, one of the flames hit the wing of the Beedrill and it went down in an inferno, letting out shrill buzzes in pain. As it hit the ground with a crunch, Red, the trainer and Ash stared at the twitching form in case it got up.

After a few limbs moved, it stopped short, the fire singing its body with soft pops and crackles.

"Beedrill! Oh no!" the boy returned his Pokemon to his ball in a panic and stared at the chaos around them, too horrified to speak or even move.

Red, on the other hand, was elated. He scooped Ash, who suffered a few scrapes but nothing too bad, and nuzzled her. "Nice job, Ash! We scored another victory for Team Red!"

"Raa, rawr!" Ash said, giving a toothy grin at her master. She felt warm inside as he gave her a happy smile and lavished praise. He may be a strange person who didn't take in his surroundings all the time, but he was a good trainer who would make her strong and keep her happy.

She couldn't have asked for better partner.

After Red set Ash down, he swaggered up to the shell-shocked boy and held a hand out. "I believe I deserve my winnings for this battle, bug boy. Chop, chop, day light is burning."

The boy numbly fished into his pocket and handed Red some Poke, his eyes never leaving the smoking bushes and charred branches.

"You-You just burned down a part of Viridian Forest. A national protected habitat…you just, let loose like a madman."

Red blinked a bit before he finally registered his surroundings. Instead of feeling immense guilt or concern of being charged for destruction of a wildlife zone, he just awkwardly rubbed the back of his head and looked a bit sheepish, as if he was a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Oops. I guess I got a little too passionate. It's fine; I think it's good for the plants to get burned every now and then. Let's them start anew or something; I'll have to ask those know-it-all boobs if I meet her again."

Red was about to head off when he realized the promise he made to himself about being a better person. "Oh, before I leave, let me give you some advice, kid: nobody likes a bragging bully, so try to be more humble against your opponents. Later."

He tossed his hand up in farewell and walked off. The bug catcher did not reply; he only sank to the ground against the blackened tree. Beedrill was his only Pokemon; he couldn't risk trying to leave the forest without anything to protect him nor did he have the willpower to keep going anyways.

_Is this truly what Pokemon battles were all about? This wanton destruction…I never thought it would be like this!_ the bug catcher thought as he covered his face with his hands and wept.

* * *

"Ah, it feels great that I gave that kid some advice for the future." Red was stretching his arms above his head as he walked leisurely along. "Kids his age are so impressionable; all I had for role models was that loony bin professor and a drunk for a dad, who beat me if I couldn't remember his theme song…Whoa, hold up."

Red and Ash stopped walking as soon after spotting a strange object on the ground. It looked like a curved green pod with narrow slits on each side. It was trying its best to stay as still as possible due to the fact that Pidgey were pecking their beaks into its shell.

"That Metapod is in trouble!" Red said, his fire of justice burning inside him. He ran to the birds with his arms flailing. "Get away from him, or I'll roast you with my Charmander for dinner! Roar, roar!"

The birds were spooked as they took the sky and flew as far away as they could. Like hell they were ever using that place as a hunting ground ever again.

Red kneeled to pick up the injured Metapod. It seemed to be alright except for the nasty wound running along the eye. That looked like it would scar over without proper treatment, though it might be cool to have a badass scar running down the eye. Red briefly wondered if he would look cool with a scar as well.

"Hey, Metapod. Do you want to come along with me? You'd probably evolve into something cool with my help, maybe even cooler than that Beedrill I beat up today."

The cocoon merely stared before slowly blinking. Red took that as a "yes."

"Awesome. Ash, meet your new partner…**Guts!**"

"Rawr!"

"Now let's get out of here, it's starting to smell like a bad backdoor barbeque," Red said, shrugging as if it wasn't entirely his fault.

* * *

"So this is Pewter City, huh?" Red asked as he walked down the main road into town. "It's quaint. And by that I mean it's more of a hick town than Pallet. Two houses? Really?"

Well, that was true. While there was a variety of commercial buildings like the Gym, PokeMart, Pokemon Center and even a Museum, there were only two residences in the whole town.

"Well, whatever. It's pretty late, anyways. Hey, how about we go to the Pokemon Center for some food? Sound good, Ash? Guts?"

"Rawr!" Ash clapped her claws together energetically.

"..." Metapod blinked twice.

"Great, let's go!"

Walking through the doors of the Pewter City Pokemon Center, Red saw that business was pretty dead.

Well, it was a hick town, after all.

As he approached the desk he saw a pink-haired nurse at the counter with the nametag "Joy" on her chest.

"...How did you get here before me?" Red eyed the woman suspiciously. "I knew you were a Pokemon! Are you a Flying-type?"

"...Come again?" the nurse asked, slightly confused before she shook her head. "Oh, did you run into one of my sisters?"

"Sisters?"

"Yes, I have sixteen sisters."

"And they're all named Joy?"

"Yes."

"...Did your parents hate you?"

"No, but I imagine that yours had a tough time dealing with a precocious brat such as yourself." Joy smiled brightly. "So, how may I help you today?"

"...I need a place to sleep."

"Ah, the Trainers' Rest Area. Would you please show me your Trainer Card?"

"My what now?"

"Your Trainer Card. It has your name and number on it."

"..." Red stared at her. "Why would I have something like that? Why do you need it?"

"You should have something like that, because if you _didn't_ and owned Pokemon, I'd call the police on you," Nurse Joy said, her hand going under the table. "And I need it because apparently there is a naughty child on the loose, one I imagine is much like yourself, going around vandalizing Pokemon Centers with his Pokemon. I heard from my sister in Viridian all about it."

Red felt his throat tightened. So these Nurse Pokemon were communicating with one another via telepathy. Perhaps they were Psychic-types?

"The police, huh?" Red was getting worried now, but decided that the best he could do was to take out his Pokedex and hand it to the woman. "Uh... How about this, instead?"

"This is a piece of metal."

"It is now, but when you hit this button..." Red began, slamming his finger onto a button on the left side of the device. "Then it unfolds!"

It unfolded.

"And there's a screen!"

There was a screen.

"And it has my Trainer Card on it."

Indeed, it had his Trainer's Card on it. Nurse Joy squinted as at the device's screen and reluctantly nodded her head, committing the numbers next to his name to memory. "Alright."

"Wait, it's really there?"

You really didn't know?

"It's really there," Nurse Joy confirmed, grabbing a key from under her desk and putting it on the counter. "Room 3. Food costs extra."

"I'll take three plates of your finest steak."

Guts shifted his weight into Red's armpit a bit roughly and looked at his trainer meaningfully.

"Er, two plates of your finest steak," Red corrected himself. "And one plate of your finest...wheatgrass, I guess?"

Guts gave what appeared to be a nod and closed its eyes.

"Wheatgrass, it is."

"I'll bring you your Pokemon's food and crackers right away." Nurse Joy rolled her eyes and made a small motion with her hands like she was swatting away flies. "Now, shoo."

"Fine, geez," Red said, pushing away from the desk and heading to the back where the rooms were located. "Why are all these Nurse-type Pokemon such jerks?"

Nurse Joy stared at Red's receding form, making sure he was out of ear shot. She then picked up the phone beside her and dialed a number.

"Yes, Joy of the Mt. Moon station? It's me, Joy of Pewter. There's this kid I want you to be aware of; I'll give you his Trainer ID number…Send out this information to the rest of our sisters as soon as possible; we won't let him make fools of us like he did Joy of Viridian."

* * *

Red's Team

**Ash – Level 12**

Charmander, Female

-Scratch

-Iron Tail

-Smokescreen

-Ember

-Ability: Blaze

**Guts – Level 8**

Metapod, Male

-Tackle

-Harden

-Ability: Shed Skin

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures": Red and Leaf confront the Rock-Solid Gym Leader, Brock! Who will triumph and who will fall in defeat? Will Red ever be punished for his crimes against nature? Find out next chapter!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Pokemon and its characters belong to Game Freak, Nintendo and Ken Sugimori. All other used material belong to their respective owners. Are disclaimers even necessary; you all know I don't own anything, right?

**Authors Note: Just skip on ahead if you want to get to the story. That's what I do when I read stories on this site (does anyone actually read these ANs? I digress). **

**My writing partner (yes, this is a co-authored piece; he's where most of Red's character comes from, so thank him for that) and I just wanted to make a shout-out to Taichichi Vegeta and Red Alfa for being our first reviewers, along with GamingFiend and Drkdragonz66 for following as well. Seriously, you guys are the best. It always feels good when someone shows interest in a story, and gives positive feedback. It really makes me want to try harder to make quality chapters. Thanks a lot, you guys**

**In the future I can take this time to answer any questions that you readers have, so feel free to give us any comments and suggestions. After all, there is no such thing as a stupid question…unless you make send a stupid question, which will be ignored.**

**Thank you, please enjoy the chapter and we look forward to your continued patronage.**

**-TheWordSmith26 and her co-author Fetch**

* * *

Chapter 4 — Keep Calm and Rock On

Leaf absently noticed that waking up this time in the Pokemon Center was much less eventful than her last visit. Of course this time she was in the Trainer's Rest Area and not in the hospital wing, which she was quite happy about not visiting again.

As she stretched out her body, the worries of her journey faded away. She had gotten a Pokedex, a full team of Pokemon with more to spare and she was free of that idiot Red. Sure, he may have caused some wanton destruction in his wake, but it's not like _she'd_ ever have to deal with that idiot again, right?

Putting on a triumphant smile, she quickly dressed herself and tided up the small room she was in. It was more of a broom closet in Leaf's opinion, but she supposed she should be grateful that it was free-of-charge.

After exiting the Center, she made a beeline for the Pewter City Park at the northeast side of town. Just a little distance from the Gym, the Pewter City Park was really just a small and well-kept hilly patch of grass with a few floral arrangements interspersed along the main path. At the end of the hill there was a small fenced-off overlook from where one could see the rest of the city along with a small sign that read "Welcome to Pewter City!"

In Leaf's humble opinion it was a lovely, quiet place to plan her next move.

Leaf was a driven young woman with her own goal: To be the best, like no one ever was...

No, that's not it.

It was to complete the Pokedex. She was determined to catch every Pokemon she came across in order to learn more about them.

_The question is, how?_ Leaf pondered, leaning her upper body over the fence. _Should I just walk around aimlessly, or maybe I should try and talk to the renowned Gym Leaders in Kanto. Surely they will know about all different types of Pokemon and where they can be captured..._

Leaf also, though she loathed admitting it to herself, wanted to see how she stood against those professional Pokemon Battlers.

Before her battle with Red, Leaf would have paid the Gym Leaders no mind, thinking herself to be better than all of them.

But if she lost to an idiot like... _that guy_... then maybe there was something she was missing.

_Argh!_ Leaf's face contorted as she stomped her foot on the ground. _It irks me now even to think about!_

If she was being honest with herself she would have to admit that Red had a talent for battling and communicating effectively with his Pokemon.

However, she refused to acknowledge that such a pedestrian character would have any talent at all, especially when compared to someone who had studied Pokemon for quite some time and was one of the best in her class.

"Fine, then!" she decided. "I'll go to this Gym and challenge the leader! If I'm not mistaken, he's the Rock-type Gym Leader, so maybe he can tell me where I can find such Pokemon... after his defeat of course! Ohohohohoho!"

Leaf didn't know it, but because of her overlooking view and the wide-open space it provided, her laugh echoed all over the town. Anyone outdoors at that moment had one unified thought: _What an annoying laugh_.

"And then I suppose I'll go to the Pokemon Museum here. I've always wanted to visit it."

What a nerd.

With her goals firmly in mind, Leaf set off down the hilly path of the Pewter City Park and towards its Gym.

* * *

In hindsight, Leaf realized much later that going to the Gym was a terrible idea.

It started out well enough. When she entered the Gym, she stepped into a small, air-conditioned waiting room with a few plaques on either wall listing the trainers who had challenged and defeated the Gym. On the left side of the room there were a few vending machines for both the trainer's and employee's convenience, and to the far side there was a set of automatic doors, which Leaf assumed led to the Gym proper.

There she was greeted by a suave, if somewhat portly man, by the name of Clyde. He told her that this was indeed the Rock-type Gym and that it was led by a man named Brock. He also told her that there was a challenger already ahead of her, but she was free to watch and wait until the challenger was finished.

Thanking the man, she went through the double doors. Glancing around, she saw that the Gym proper was made-up of a large rocky terrain. Some parts could even be described as mountainous while other were just low craters. Leaf had to hand it to whoever designed the Gym; a Rock-type Gym Leader would be proud to call this his arena.

Around her there were defeated Gym Trainer, employees who worked for the Gym Leader and made sure that only worthy trainers could challenge him. In their current state, they couldn't even protest Leaf's presence here, which she was grateful for. She had heard that there was a trainer that came in here before her, but Leaf imagined that he must be somewhat talented if he managed to make it through all these professional trainers.

"Hey, Leaf!" It was then that Leaf knew entering the Gym was, perhaps, the worst idea she could have made. "One day out of the gate, and I'm already beating a Gym. Pretty good, right?"

That barbarian, Red, was standing in front of her to challenge Brock. She seriously considered just turning around and leaving.

"Hey, hey." The deep voice of the Gym Leader Brock sounded out. "You can't say that until you beat me, you know."

"Pfft, yeah right," the idiot responded, patting his Charmander on her head. "Ash'll take you out, just like the rest of you _rockheads_. Ohh!"

"... Are all you kids this stupid? There was a ginger kid who came in here a half-day ago and made the same stupid puns."

"..." Red glared at Brock. "You're stupid, shut up."

Leaf thought that leaving right now was a good idea-

Wait a second. Did that idiot just say he'd fight the _Rock-type_ _Gym Leader_ with a _Fire -type_ Pokemon? After she told him about _Type Effectiveness_? Didn't this idiot know that Rock beat Fire?

On second thought, she would stay and watch. If only to rub that ungrateful idiot's defeat in his face. _Ohohohoho!_

Red and Brock paused to look at Leaf strangely

"Miss, do you have something in your throat?" Brock asked. "We have a vending machine in front you can visit, if you'd like..."

"Er, uh. No. I'm fine. Please continue." _How dreadfully embarrassing, I must stop this habit of laughing out loud._

* * *

Leaf was directed to the side of the building where she could watch the battle from a safe distance. She held her Pokedex in her right hand to catalog any battle experience when it was her turn to fight.

Both Brock and Red were facing each other in the main circle, the latter with this stupid cocky grin on his face while the Leader had his arms cross and a stoic expression. Leaf also noticed that Brock's eyes were quite narrow, almost to the point where they were closed.

"How is he able to see? He looks like he's always sleeping," Leaf asked one of the Gym Trainers standing next to her, a youth in what appeared to be a green Boy Scout uniform.

Both Trainers had also moved to the sidelines to witness the battle and to cheer on their boss. This kid was a brute as he took down their poor Geodudes with unnecessary force. What's more, he gloated about how this Gym was a breeze afterwards! They hoped Brock wiped the floor with this jerk.

The boy shrugged. "We asked him that, but Brock didn't really answer us. To be honest, he doesn't talk much at all. He's a pretty severe guy."

"I see." Leaf then turned back to the fight which had now just started. Red was busy trying to egg Brock on for a solid minute with little success.

It was apparent that he was frustrated as he then shouted, "Ash, let's show this guy what we're made of!"

The Charmander hit the field, baring its claws and fangs menacingly. Brock took out a Pokeball and released what looked like a boulder. A boulder with rugged arms sticking out from the side and a face.

"**Geodude, the Rock Pokemon. Its round form makes it easy to pick up. Some people have used them to hurl at each other in a snowball fight.**"

_This world is full of morons_, Leaf thought. She would bet her life that Red would be the type to use one of those Pokemon as a snowball.

"Ash, use Ember against that oversized rock!" Ash attempted to set fire to the Geodude…only for the rock to remain as stoic as ever with very little damage done to it.

"Huh? That's odd, why didn't that do more damage?" Red said, scratching his head.

_Type. Effectiveness!_ Leaf wanted to scream that out to him, but managed to hold her tongue, instead giving a small snicker. This ought to be good.

"Geodude, use Rock Throw," Brock ordered.

"Geo." With that grunt, the Rock Pokemon grabbed a moderate-sized rock and lugged it with all its might at Ash. It made a direct hit in her gut, flooring the Charmander to the ground.

"Rrrr…" Ash whimpered, slowly getting up and shakily gaining some balance.

Red's eyes widened. "Wait, is this…a super-effective move?!"

"Good job, dumbass! You get a gold star," Leaf taunted. Maybe she was being a bit mean, but it would be a tough lesson for Red to learn; one can only learn from experience, after all. Besides he had the perfect move to defeat this type anyways…not like Leaf was going to spoil it or anything.

"Hit it with another Rock Throw." The Geodude grabbed another rock and hurled it at Ash.

"Dodge that rock, Ash!"

The fire lizard did so, as the rock slammed into the spot where she once stood.

"Don't let up, Geodude! Keep throwing; one more should take it out," Brock said.

The Geodude was hurling as many rocks as it could at its foe. It looked like Ash was doing a comical dance as she tried to best to avoid the stony missiles from causing any more damage to her.

"Gah! Um, Ash, try using an Iron Tail on it!" Red shouted, hoping that it would do something to the evil rock.

Ash's tail hardened and she swung it at the Geodude. Unfortunately in her panicked state to avoid getting hit, Ash missed the Geodude by five meters, who then proceeded to hit her with rock to the face.

She was knocked out, making small groans in pain. Red couldn't believe this. Ash was his strongest Pokemon and all he had left was Guts. Maybe his badass scar would intimidate the foe.

As he recalled Ash and sent out Guts, a faint smirk graced Brock's lips. He knew that he had won this match.

"Guts, use Harden!" Red commanded. Guts' body trembled for a moment and seemed to have grown tighter after using the move.

"Geodude, use Rock Throw."

The Geodude hurled many rocks upon the Metapod's body until the pod tumbled over and shut its eyes in defeat.

"Sorry, kid. You gave it a good shot," Brock said in a rehearsed monotone. He recalled the Geodude and accepted the reward money from Red.

Red's face was priceless to Leaf. It was somewhere between indignation and confusion, as if he couldn't comprehend how he had lost.

"I don't get it; I won every other time! What's your secret, man?" Red asked him.

Brock shrugged. "Just get good at Pokemon. Then you can beat me."

Red's mouth tightened and his eyes burned brightly. He lifted a trembling finger and hissed, "I will return to destroy you, blind man."

"I'll be waiting." Brock then added, "And I'm not blind, asshole. My eyes just look this way."

Red stood there glaring at the Leader before spinning on his heel and walking away. He then looked at Leaf and said to her, "I bet you're real happy about my loss, huh?"

Leaf gave a cheerful smile. "Maybe a little. I'll give you a hint, because I am such a benevolent person: you were on the right path with Iron Tail. Remember, type-"

"Effectiveness. You don't need to remind me all the time. See you around," Red said. He then added quickly, "Oh, right, I almost forgot. Burning down parts of a forest…it does the environment _some_ good, right? It lets new stuff able to grow or something beneficial, right?"

Leaf gave him a look that could kill. "Don't you know _anything_? Only certain habitats need to have trees burned for new life to grow. And they use a _controlled burn_ technique; they don't light the damn place on fire!_"_

"Geez, there's no need to pop an artery," Red said. "Is it your time of month, or something?"

Leaf smacked Red in the head with the base of her palm. She briefly wondered if it was even evolutionarily possible for someone to be as dense as this idiot. Surely by now he would have been weeded out by natural selection?

She then turned her attention to Brock as he approached her. "I take it you're here to battle me as well?" he asked her. "You'll need to go through my Gym Trainers before you can face me."

Leaf nodded. "That's fine. I look forward to battling with you." She had seen his a bit of Brock's battling style already; with her knowledge of Pokemon moves and abilities, she would make sure not to lose.

* * *

"Ha, you may have kicked Jerry's butt, but you're still light-years away from facing Brock!" the Trainer said haughtily, holding up a Pokeball.

Leaf smiled in excitement. She had just beaten the first Gym Trainer, the boy in the green camper uniform. He had only one Pokemon: a giant gray behemoth called Rhyhorn. She only needed to send out Bloom for the fight.

She had used a wait-and-heal strategy to win the match: whittling down Rhyhorn's health with Leech Seed while also planting roots with Ingrain to gain more health after every round. Combined with Tackle (which she noted didn't do much against the Rhyhorn's hard exterior), the Rhyhorn eventually went down.

Her opponent Jerry commended her and she was allowed to heal up Bloom with a Potion before facing the next Gym Trainer, a boy in a brown scout uniform named Liam.

Leaf was also able to take down this trainer with few problems: his Geodude was a bit of a hard hitter, but she was able to take it down with her previous strategy.

After the Geodude went down, Bloom suddenly let out a surprised cry and clenched her face as if she was thinking really hard about something.

"Bloom? Are you alright?" Leaf said. She realized what was going on and pointed her Pokedex at her Pokemon. It gave a sharp ding and a message appeared on the screen.

Notice: Bloom wants to learn **Vine Whip,** but cannot learn more than four moves. Would you like it to forget a move to learn **Vine Whip**?

_Perfect! Just at the right time, too,_ Leaf thought, a smile stretched upon her face. It was a bit inconvenient for Pokemon only learn up to four moves and being forced to forget one if it wanted to learn another, but Leaf could understand the reason. Learning new things was a hard task even for humans, so it would cause mental strain upon a Pokemon's mind to learn more than four moves at a time.

She looked at the moves registered to Bloom and picked Growl to forget. Seriously, it's kind of a useless move up to this point.

Would you like to forget **Growl** and learn **Vine Whip**?

"Yes," Leaf replied, pressing the confirm button. A short ding came from the device and the robotic voice said:

Congratulations, Bloom forgot **Growl** and learned **Vine Whip**.

Bloom let out a joyful cry and took up a battle stance as Liam sent out…a yellow round creature with black eyes.

Leaf found the creature to be quite adorable as she looked up its data. "**Sandshrew, the Mouse Pokemon. It burrows and lives underground. If threatened, it curls itself up into a ball for protection.**"

"Wait a second. Isn't that a Ground-type? Well, I guess they're close enough to Rock-types, but still…" Leaf said, though she decided that she was nitpicking rather needlessly. Geodude was also part Ground in addition to being a Rock-type.

"Anyways, Bloom, let's test out your new Vine Whip attack!"

"Bulba!" Bloom cried. Two vines appeared from her bulb and began to smack at Sandshrew, who instinctively curled into a ball for protection.

"No, Sandshrew! Scratch at your enemy!" the trainer shouted, though the Sandshrew ignored it as it was dribbled around like a soccer ball before being smacked into the wall by a vine and closing its eye sin defeat.

"Gah, I can't believe I lost for a third time against a newbie trainer!" Liam cried in anger.

"Nice work, Bloom. This Gym Battle will be a cinch!" Leaf said, stroking the head of her Pokemon. She nuzzled up against it in affection.

Leaf then said to Liam, "You should get to know your Pokemon better or it won't listen to your orders. Also, a light year is a measure of distance, not time. Check your facts first before using them, idiot."

Liam's face became cherry-red as he sputtered, "I-I knew that! Heh, yeah, totally knew that. Anyways, you're pretty hot." He then jabbed a finger at Brock and shouted, "But you're not as hot as Brock!"

Leaf raised an eyebrow and pondered that statement.

"Are you gay or something?" Red asked, sullenly pouting in his corner of the gym. He had decided to stay to watch Leaf's battle. She had told him that he may learn something from this, to which he stuck his tongue out at her and proceeded to pout.

"What?! No... You're gay!"

"You want to start something, kid?"

Leaf could feel an incoming migraine as the two children continued their bickering. _Tsk! Why are boys so annoying!?_

"Just ignore him," Jerry stated resignedly, as if he was witnessing an everyday occurrence. "He's kind of... like _that."_

"Another Red," Leaf groaned. "That's exactly what this world needs."

Leaf sighed before walking up to the podium where Brock was standing. He had his arms akimbo and seemed a bit more ready to battle than how he was with Red earlier.

"You seem to have some potential, miss," Brock told her. "But as a Gym Leader I believe in rock-hard defense and determination. I won't lose."

"…I hope you didn't mean to make a pun out of that," Leaf said before going into battle mode. "Let's go, Bloom!"

"Bulbasaur!" Bloom said, her eyes narrowing. She still remembered being defeated by that Charmander. She would not lose this time; she would make her trainer proud of her.

"Go Geodude." The same Geodude came out with a grunt, glaring at his foe.

Leaf recalled that Geodude, like most Rock-type Pokemon, were slow-moving. "Hit it with a Vine Whip!"

She expected to do a great deal of damage to the Geodude. She didn't expect to knock it out in one hit.

Brock didn't seem all that fazed. "I think I know the outcome of this battle. Grass is four times effective against Geodude, who is…"

"Both Rock _and_ Ground, of course!" Leaf said, her eyes widening. Whatever Brock had next would be cake walk. She tried her best to keep herself under control until after she won the match.

Brock smiled a bit more. "You're pretty good. But my strongest is yet to come. Come out, Onix!"

The ball opened to reveal a towering gray Pokemon with boulders connecting one another to form a chain. It stared down at its opponent with dark eyes.

"**Onix, the Rock Snake Pokemon. As it grows, the stone portions of its body harden to become similar to black-colored diamonds.**"

"Oh my," Leaf gulped, holding her Pokedex up to the stone leviathan.

Red, on the other hand, pumped his fists and shouted, "Holy shit! That's really freaking awesome!"

_N-No matter, Leaf. It's also part Ground, so Grass will be effective four times against it. Just keep calm and carry on_.

"Alright, Bloom, use-"

"Onix, Bind the enemy." The Onix easily slithered around Bloom and wrapped its tail around the creature.

"Bul-BAAA!" Bloom screamed in pain as the coils tightened around her small body.

Leaf attempted to keep her breathing under control. "Bloom, just keep calm. Take slow breaths and use Vine Whip!"

Bloom heard her master's orders and did as she was told. She ignored the bind and proceeded to, as the kids these days say, "pimp slap the shiznitt" out of the Onix.

"Groawr!" the beast roared out in pain. It unknowingly released Bloom, who took that moment to scuttle away and catch much needed air.

"Okay, another Vine Whip should do it-Oh, come on!" Leaf's mouth was agape as the Onix seemed to heal from the damage by chewing something in its mouth.

"Oran Berry. Very handy in tight spots," Brock explained, though he grimaced again as Bloom hit his Pokemon with grassy vines. Of all the days to forget a Potion…

"Onix, use Rock Tomb!"

Onix grabbed nearby rocks and hurled them at the foe. Leaf decided to make a split decision based off her last battle with a human opponent.

"Err, dodge those rocks, Bloom, and finish it off with Vine Whip!"

Bloom ran forward, avoiding most of the damage while still procuring some nasty cuts from the attack and her movements slowed down because of the obstacles. As soon as she got close enough, she let loose her vines from her back and smacked the Onix as hard as she could.

With that final smack, Onix closed its eyes and toppled to the ground with a thundering crumble, turning up a thick cloud of dust.

Leaf covered her mouth and coughed with one hand while swiping away much of the grime away from her. She would need to wash her clothes after this match; what a pain.

As the dust cleared away, Leaf could see that a new crater had been formed from the fainted Onix and understood that a lot of the "décor" of the Gym was actually from Onix's large body hitting the ground. Probably to minimize damage costs for the Gym repair.

The gray rock beast was put away into its ball and Brock approached Leaf, still with a serious look on his face. Leaf felt a bit tense as she held out her hand.

"It was a good match, Brock. Thank yo-Oof!"

Leaf was nearly barreled over as Brock slapped her on the back quite hard and let out a jovial laugh.

"Fuhaha! Not bad, Leaf was it?" he congratulated, giving her a wide smile. "I took you for granted, which is why I lost. Sorry about that."

"Uh, no. It's fine." Leaf massaged her sore back as she let out a smile. She had won against her very first human trainer. And she was able to beat someone that won against that moron Red!

"Here, as proof of your victory, I'll give you this official Boulder Badge." Brock dug in his vest pocket and pulled out a small gray badge in an octagonal shape, resembling a boulder. How original.

No one noticed at the time, but Red was having a mini-conniption fit in his pity corner. Actually, everyone noticed. It was just that no one cared.

"Thank you, Brock," Leaf said, admiring her miniature trophy. While she wasn't all that interested in battling apart from toughening up her Pokemon, she loved the feeling of being recognized for her hard work and skills that she had come to learn and perfect over time.

She hadn't felt this good since she graduated from the Pokemon Academy with honors and earned the title of Quiz Bowl Champ. It felt pretty _awesome_.

"That Badge boosts your Pokemon's attack stat. It also allows you to use the HM Flash outside of battle," Brock explained.

"Really? How does a small pin like this manage to boost my Pokemon's stats _and_ allow me to use a Hidden Machine?" Leaf asked, slightly perplexed. "Explain further."

Brock shrugged. "Well, the League has them made at Silph Co. where they install a chip in each badge that gives it a certain function. After you leave, I make a report to the League about your victory and they'll activate the chip so it will take effect soon afterwards."

"Really? That's pretty technical," Leaf said. She then lifted up her bag and attached the Badge to her bag, making sure that it was secured properly. She wanted everyone to see her award.

"Here, you can have this as well," Brock said, pulling out a small disc from his pants' pocket. "Gym Leaders give this as a courtesy prize for a job well done."

"A Technical Machine? Thanks," Leaf said, accepting the gift. Written on the top of the disc was 'TM 39.'

"It contains Rock Tomb, the move you saw my Onix use in our battle," Brock said. "Make sure you choose wisely who learns the move. Our TMs aren't as sturdy as those made in Unova or Kalos."

"Will do." Leaf stored the TM in a separate section of her bag. "Thank you again for the battle. Perhaps you could tell me where I can find the Pokemon you own in the wild?"

"Well, let me think…Geodude can pretty much be found frequently in Mt. Moon and the Rock Tunnel on the ground, or even by breaking rocks. Onix are much rarer; only appearing in the Rock Tunnel or Victory Road. Did that help?"

"Yes, thank you very much. Have a good day."

"You too, Leaf," Brock said. Just as Leaf was about to leave, he added, "And once that Red kid comes out of his coma, tell him to get better at Pokemon. You two seem to be quite good friends."

Leaf shuddered in place, but nonetheless said, "Y-Yeah, I'll tell him that. Bye," and waved her hand a bit lackluster.

* * *

"Welcome to the Pewter Museum of Science. The entrance fee is 50 Poke."

Leaf handed over some of the money she won today, and entered after the clerk accepted the money and bowed to her politely.

The interior of the museum was spacious and pristine, as there were only a handful of people wandering the place. There were a few exhibits on display to the public and a spiral staircase leading up to the second floor.

Leaf thought that it was a lovely change of pace from the conversation she just had with Red a few moments ago. After the match, she had to physically drag him out of the Gym and relay Brock's message to "get good at Pokemon." After throwing a childish fit, he took off into Viridian Forest. Honestly, she was worried about the state the forest would be in come the next few hours, but she was more relieved to be free from his presence.

Shaking those thoughts off, Leaf walked about the building and observed each exhibit with fascination. She started on the second floor where it was mainly astronomical and geographical exhibits to look at: a space shuttle that landed on the moon's surface, a few Moon Stones discovered in the depths of Mt. Moon and several early maps of the regions.

After making her way down to the first floor, Leaf learned more about many art and relics from the past, including fossils of ancient Pokemon trapped in stone or amber. Her favorite were the skeletal remains of the historic predators Kabutops and Aerodactyl.

Any normal girl would have probably been creeped out by the Kabutops' intimidating scythes or Aerodactyl posed in mid-flight menacingly, but not Leaf. She wanted to learn more about these Pokemon than just what was cataloged on the plague besides it; she wanted to battle with these Pokemon and record them inside her Pokedex.

It would be nigh impossible, as they were quite rare to obtain. Most archaeologists who discovered the fossil remains would often isolate them for intense study after reviving them, only handing them out to highly skilled trainers. Many, like these fossils, were used as exhibits.

Well, she had done the impossible before. Maybe one day she'll encounter some prehistoric Pokemon…

"Excuse me, young lady?"

Leaf turned around to see a young man with a slightly red face approach her with something in his hand.

"Is this your first time visiting the museum?"

"Oh, yes it is actually. It's a wonderful museum. I'm surprised there aren't that many people here."

"Heh, yeah, it's a real shame," the man, who Leaf guessed was a researcher here, chuckled as he shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Well, we of the museum would like to thank you for your interest by giving you this. Think of it as a gift for your first time visiting us."

He then presented Leaf a small shard of crystallized amber. On closer inspection Leaf could catch a glimpse of what appeared to be an arrow-shaped object encased inside of it.

"Wow, is that a fossil inside of that amber?" she exclaimed, after taking the amber piece in her hands.

"I believe so. There's a Fossil Restoration Center far away on Cinnabar Island. If you check it out sometime, I'm sure they can revive it for you."

"Well, thank you very much for this gift," Leaf told him, pocketing the piece into her bag pocket.

Before the guy could work up the nerve to ask the pretty girl he noticed out for lunch, Leaf headed for the door.

"I can't believe how much time I spent here. I better get going. Have a nice day, sir, and thank you!"

With that, she was out the door and out of his life.

The researcher could only sigh in despair. Not only was he not getting a date, but he was going to get yelled at by his superiors for giving away a highly valuable Pokemon fossil.

He should have just become a member of that snazzy-looking Rocket organization.

* * *

"Well, haven't seen _you _in a while. How've you been, Leafy?"

_Oh, great_, Leaf thought as she was face to face with that other idiot with the color name, the messy hair and those garish purple pants. _I'm just running into all the "world's greatest minds" today. Lucky me._

After visiting the museum and healing/restocking, she had decided to head out onto the next route for training and potential capturing time. She had run into various trainers and did quite well against them.

She had also captured a few new faces, including the male species of Nidoran, a Sandshrew and a pink furball with eyes the size of dinner plates called Jigglypuff. She was enjoying the peaceful scenery as her Pokemon grew stronger and her Pokedex filled up with more data.

And the best part was that she had seen no sign of that imbecile! This had put Leaf in a good mood when she entered the Pokemon Center located conveniently outside of Mt. Moon to rest for the night.

And then she ran into Blue, lounging on a couch and drinking a can of soda.

Leaf planted her hands firmly on her hips and looked away. "You should be more concerned about your progress than someone else's, but if you _must_ know, I have been filling up my Pokedex and even won a Gym Badge today. It was quite exhausting."

Blue took a long sip of his cola before crushing the can in his hand and tossing it into the waste basket nearby. It was a slam dunk.

"Good for you, Leafy, though you were a bit slow catching up to me. I take it that dork hasn't won against the Leader of Pewter yet, huh?"

Leaf looked quite smug. "'Hasn't won yet,' you say? Oh, Red lost spectacularly against Brock. It was rather sad with how many mistakes he made; it made me want to cry…that idiots like him could actually lose to the first Gym Leader. Ohohoho!"

"Man, you have an annoying laugh," Blue said with a light scoff.

As Leaf glared at Blue with a scowl, the boy stood up and said, "And Red will catch up eventually. He may not look it, but he's pretty smart when he puts his mind to it."

"…He burned down a fifth of Viridian Forest and vandalized a Pokemon Center."

"…" Blue could only shake his head and roll his eyes. Classic Red.

He then said, "Well, I would usually challenge a tough trainer like you to a battle, but I'm heading to bed early tonight. I got a lot of work tomorrow going through Mt. Moon and catching some thieves."

Leaf stopped scowling to look at Blue in surprise. "Thieves? What do you mean?"

"There's a notice on the bulletin board at the front desk that the police put up tonight. It says there are some shady people wandering through Mt. Moon, harvesting fossils and Moon Stones, and even attacking trainers for their Pokemon. There's a reward for anyone who puts a stop to them."

"That's awful. So why are the police relying on bounty hunters and not handling this themselves?"

Blue shrugged and replied, "Mt. Moon's pretty huge; lots of hiding spots if you don't put time into searching. Besides, have you seen the Kanto Police Force? It's pretty much a joke."

Leaf had to agree; not a lot of the budget went into local security as it all went to the League and maintaining the environment, such as major routes and cities.

She then got an idea that she may regret later on. "Well, if you're going to Mt. Moon, I might as well tag along with you. You can't take on a group of thieves by yourself, no matter how good you say you are, and I'm interested in capturing new Pokemon and getting a reward. Safety in numbers, cleaning up society's trash and what not."

Blue raised his eyebrows. His first impression of this girl was that of a loner than someone who partnered up with others. But he didn't mind the company of a cute companion with some brains helping him out.

"I don't mind if you come along; just try not to get in my way. It could be dangerous and I'd hate for a pretty girl like you getting hurt."

Don't think that sounded cool or anything. It won't impress her.

Leaf turned red and stomped her foot in irritation. "Idiot, don't get the wrong idea! It's not like I care about your well-being. I just want the reward and someone watching my back, that's all! Not like I need you or anything!"

"Aww, you do care about me, Leafy Green!" Blue teased with a small smile.

"Stop calling me such an embarrassing nickname!"

Blue then waved his hand at her and said, "I'll wake you up tomorrow and we'll have a light breakfast, my treat. Be ready to head out early. Goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite."

After Blue left for his room, Leaf merely grumbled about how all boys were useless wastes of air and headed for the check-out counter.

* * *

Leaf's Team

**Bloom – Level 14**

Bulbasaur, Female

-Tackle

-Leech Seed

-Ingrain

-Vine Whip

-Ability: Overgrow

**Feather – Level 10**

Pidgey, Female

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Gust

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Munchie – Level 8**

Rattata, Male

-Tackle

-Tail Whip

-Quick Attack

-Ability: Run Away

**Wing – Level 9**

Spearow, Male

-Peck

-Growl

-Leer

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Banana – Level 9**

Mankey, Female

-Scratch

-Leer

-Low Kick

-Ability: Vital Spirit

**Cyan – Level 12**

Nidoran

-Scratch

-Growl

-Tail Whip

-Double Kick

-Ability: Poison Point

Boxed Pokemon

**Dunce** – Weedle – Level 4

**Lettuce** – Caterpie – Level 4

**Apis** – Kakuna – Level 7

**Papilia** – Metapod – Level 7

**Hemlock/Hem – **Nidoran - Level 7

**Walker - **Sandshrew – Level 8

**Castrato - **Jigglypuff – Level 6

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures:" Red burns with the desire to defeat Brock. What will this reckless kid do to achieve victory? And a new member joins Red's team? Find out next chapter!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **We neither own Pokemon, its characters or any other used material that appear in this story. I think that has been established in the past four chapters.

* * *

Chapter 5 — The Power of Guts

Speaking frankly about Red as a person, he was pretty easy to describe: straightforward. While many would consider this an admirable trait in a person, no one turned this aspect of their personality up to the nth degree like Red did.

It was due to this fact, though, that Red was who he was and could do things that _no one _else could—Red could simply believe in pretty much anything. It was why he was so confident that he could be the very best, like no one ever was, even after losing to Blue and Brock. Hell, he was so gullible he would even believe that Flareon was the devil or something silly like that if someone sold the idea hard enough.

That's why it was so ironic that right now Red could not believe what had happened before his very eyes. Leaf, the trainer he had trounced, had beaten Brock, the trainer who had crushed Ash like the _Space Jam_ to Michael Jordan's acting career.

"..." Red stared catatonically into space as Leaf dragged him out of the Gym and started to say something to him. He didn't care. He was pretty sure this was all just a bad dream.

Until a sharp pain cut into his cheek.

"Ow, what the shit?!" Red exclaimed, holding his redden face. "Are you trying to make me go blind or something?!"

"Hmph, as if a loser like you needs any more handicaps," Leaf said condescendingly with a flip of her hair. "I was just trying to give you Brock's message."

Red gritted his teeth at the sound of the Gym Leader's name. "What is it?"

"Get good at Poke-"

"Fuwaaah!" Red cried, cutting Leaf off. "That piece of shit! When I come back here, I'm going to _murder_ his Pokemon and burn down his goddamn Gym!"

"No one likes a sore loser, Red."

"No one likes you, Leaf," Red shot back. "They only like your tits. Ever wonder why your only friends can't speak any human language? It's because you're a conceited bitch."

"Who's calling the kettle black?!" Leaf shouted out, honestly offended. "Aren't you self-important, Mr. Best-Like-No-One-Ever-Was? How many friends do you have?!"

"More than you," Red scoffed. "Blue."

Leaf waited.

"...Bobby..."

Leaf still waited.

"...Professor Oak..?"

"Lovely, you're friends with an idiot, your imaginary friend and an, albeit venerable, half-crazed war veteran."

"Yeah, I am," Red stated. "And who are you friends with?"

"..." Leaf's face became redder and redder as the seconds ticked away. "Get good at Pokemon, loser."

Red took a step back and Leaf could have sworn she saw honest-to-goodness tears appear in his eyes.

What a pussy.

"I-I'll show you," Red said, turning around too fast for Leaf to see. "I'll become the best there ever was and prove you wrong!"

And with that girlish wail, Red ran off to Viridian Forest.

"What a baby," Leaf spat, glaring daggers into his back. "Hmph. Try to help out the mentally challenged, and this is the thanks I get."

* * *

"Stupid girls and their stupid Bulbasaurs."

Come on now, Red. Not all girls have Bulbasaurs.

"Ruining everything."

Canonically, it's been you who has ruined everything so far.

"Acting like they know _everything_."

…

Okay, well, you've got me _there_.

"Well, I'll show her!" Red shouted, as he marched down Route 2 with his slightly banged-up Pokemon by his side. "Ash! Guts! We're going to beat the shit out of _every _Pokemon in here while I think of a way to beat Brock, sound good?!"

"Rawr!" Ash was always up to a good ass-kicking. Especially after the one she was just given.

Hey, a girl had to blow off steam somehow. Especially when it _literally_ produced steam.

Oh, I slay me.

"..." With a blink of his non-scarred eye, Guts declared his intent to battle.

"Alright, guys." Red adjusted his cap as he stepped through the toll-booth that separated Route 2 from Viridian Forest. "It's time that we use the Eye of the Tiger."

* * *

"_It's the eye of the tiger!_" Red sang off-key as Ash burned a family of Caterpie living in a patch of tall grass to a crisp. "_It's the thrill of the fight!_"

"_Rising up to the challenge of our rival!_" Red continued to serenade his Pokemon as Guts took over, hardening himself up to the strength of a strontium cannon ball and slamming himself vigorously into a Beedrill multiple times.

"_And the last known...something-or-other_," Red screeched as both Ash and Guts fought back-to-thorax, cutting a swath through a Weedle infestation, "_does something in the night!_"

"_And he's watching us all with the eye..._" Red strummed his trusty air guitar as he reached the crescendo of the song. Meanwhile, Ash picked up Guts and threw him into two very angry Butterfree, using an Ember to propel him faster. Guts bounced back and forth between the two bugs, taking minimal damage due to the insane amount of hardening he had done. "_Of the tiger!_"

* * *

"Whew, what a work-out, right guys?" Red asked his two partners as sweat ran down all of their brows. Both of his Pokemon were exhausted due to their massive undertaking of trying to make Viridian Forest extinct, and as for Red...well, singing was hard work.

"Rawr..." Even Ash sounded dulled by tiredness.

"..." Guts, though, was by far the worst. His formerly bright green coat was covered in scratches and scuffs, and there was a burn mark on his back from the fastball special that Ash and he developed. All in all, he was probably the least attractive Metapod ever.

In Red's opinion, he was the coolest Metapod ever.

"Hell yeah, now we can..." Red paused. "Shit, I never did think up how we were going to beat Brock."

"Roar!" Ash tackled her trainer to the ground, quasi-playfully. She didn't want to eviscerate him, but she reasoned that a slap to the head might be good for him every once in a while.

"Hey, Ash, cut that out!" Red feebly covered his face with his arms as his Charmander continued to slap the shit out of him.

In that moment a loud crack rang throughout the forest and it wasn't the sound of Red's face getting pimp-slapped.

"..." Cracks ran down Metapod's frame, making the Pokemon only look that much worse for wear.

"Holy crap, Ash!" Red shouted at his partner. "How hard did you throw him?!"

Ash made a bleating sound, not unlike that of a goat getting slaughtered, and ran up to her bug friend, concernedly patting him down.

Then her friend exploded, sending rock-hard cocoon shrapnel everywhere.

Red thought that he had shit his pants at that moment. He knew that Ash had just pissed all over the goddamn forest floor after watching her ally explode into a million pieces.

As the bright flash from Guts' explosion died down, they could see a Butterfree floating where their friend once stood. At once, Red could recognize that it was Guts.

Red, as a rule, hated Butterfree. They were weak, super-girly little flies.

Guts was not like that. Not at all. He had a purple body and white wings like the rest of his race, but that was where the similarities ended. Due to his stressful conditions when he was a Metapod, his new form was similarly affected.

Guts' new wings where mottled and browned at the edges, a factor which probably cut down the effectiveness of his flight, but looked cool as hell in Red's opinion. His body was probably also bigger and bulkier than any Butterfree he'd ever seen, but not to a monstrous standard.

The coolest thing to Red were the eyes. Like his Metapod form, Gut's new form had a scar running down his right eye and as a result the right compound eye had turned a clouded-white color.

Guts, in simple terms, was the scariest Butterfree to ever grace this earth. Now that may not sound like much, but if you ever saw this fucker in a dark alley _you'd _run.

Seriously, you would.

**Congratulations, your Guts evolved into a Butterfree!** The Pokedex at Red's side shouted, before giving a basic description of the Pokemon.

"**Butterfree, the Butterfly Pokemon. In battle, it flaps its wings at great speed to release highly toxic dust into the air.**"

"What a badass."

**Butterfree learned Confusion!**

"...You know what guys?" Red said, closing the Pokedex with a quick snap and donning a slightly manic look on his face. "Fuck plans. Let's kick Brock's squinty-eyed ass."

"Rawr! Freee!"

* * *

By the time Red returned to Pewter City, it was going on ten o'clock at night. And Brock had closed down the Gym for the evening.

Red could only fester in his rage as he read the sign over and over again.

"_We are closed for the night. We open tomorrow at 8:00 AM. Please come again tomorrow!"_

While Ash and Guts were just as disappointed as their master, they were also quite concerned about him blowing a fuse and possibly burning the entire town to the ground. They wisely took a few steps backwards just when Red lost his cool.

"_**BRRROOOOCCCKKKKK!**_"

From his apartment in the back of the Gym, Brock was sitting on his mat drinking a cup of green tea. He stopped sipping as he heard the enraged roar of a defeated man.

He would have to confront that pest, but not tonight. He smiled, let out a smug chortle and drained the rest of his tea.

* * *

"So, you're back," Brock said. "Have you gotten better at Pokemon?"

Red smiled. Brock did not like how he was smiling; it resembled a half-starved Persian who had just caught a family of Rattata. It was unnerving, but Brock couldn't let that show.

"You bet your balls I did," Red said. "I'm ready for my rematch, _Brock_, and nothing will stop me from achieving victory. Come at me, bro!"

Brock sighed. _What an insufferable child. Well, let's just get this over with._

He had no clue of the madness that would be inflicted upon his Pokemon and the Gym.

He first sent Geodude out. Red decided to bring out Guts, who stared menacingly at the opponent before him.

Just looking at the Geodude made Guts' blood boil and an angry clicking erupted from his small mouth. "Fureeee!"

"Guts, put the Confusion hurt on that piece of shit," Red commanded.

A high frequency was sent pulsating out of Guts' antennae. He had concentrated all his anger and frustration onto that signal, and it permeated the Geodude's mind in an unabashed manner. This malicious force from the Butterfree not only sucker-punched Geodude physically, but it also damaged him mentally.

The Geodude's mind was scrambled eggs. It didn't know how it got there or what those strange tall creatures were shouting at him. Everything hurt; even just blinking sent vicious jolts throughout the rock's rather fragile mind.

"Geodude, use Rock Throw! Stay focused!" Brock ordered.

Geodude then went on to grab ahold of his head…and promptly threw himself back onto the ground with a pretty hard slam.

"Wahahahahaha!" Red laughed. "It looks like your Pokemon isn't that rock-hard after all. Guts, finish it with another Confusion!"

"Freeee!" With that piercing war cry, Guts blasted the Geodude with another psychic force, one that was filled with newfound determination to prove that he was the strongest Butterfree in the world.

"Duuude…" The rock, after a brief moment of seizure-like movements from the Geodude before its arms flopped to the ground and its eyes glazed over lifelessly.

Brock recalled Geodude into his ball and said, "Well, not bad for a beginner. And I've got to say…that is the scariest-looking Butterfree I have ever seen in my life. You should probably get him looked at by a nurse or something."

Red was busy stroking Guts' head as he replied to the Leader, "That's what that Nurse Pokemon lady told me when I brought Guts in last night. Shows how much you two know; this is who Guts really is, right buddy?"

"Buuh-Freeee!" was Guts' reply. It sounded like a strange chirping sound, like a Pidgey with a bug stuck in its throat. The overall look and sounds of this Bug Pokemon chilled Brock to his core.

"My battle isn't over yet. Let's go, Onix!" Brock released his highest level Pokemon, who growled at the sight of the impudent human child and his insect that dared to challenge his master.

"Guts, fall back for now." Guts nodded as he was recalled to his Pokeball. Red then took out his second Pokeball and called out, "Ash, finish this ugly piece of rock shit. Exactly as we trained!"

"Char-Roar!" Ash roared, getting onto all fours as she hissed at her foe Pokemon.

"Onix, use Rock Tomb on that Charmander!"

"Grawwl!" The Onix proceeded to hurl rocks at Ash, who stood ready to move at her trainer's command.

He grinned. "Batter up with an Iron Tail, Ash."

"Raww!" Ash swung around and proceeded to swing at the rocks that were coming towards back at the Onix.

The Pokemon cried out in pain and annoyance as the rocks smacked him in the face. As Onix was shaking its head Red shouted, "Take this chance, Ash! Use that beautiful Iron Tail some more."

Ash dashed at her enemy at lightning speed and assaulted him with vicious, hard-hitting smacks with her tail. While a few of them missed their target at times, Ash made a few hits with her tail and had taken the initiative to climb up Onix's neck to continue hitting it in the face and neck.

Onix screeched and swung around as it attempted to throw off the fire lizard. It was unaware that as it moved, it caused substantial damage to the Gym's interior. Red, Brock and the two Gym Trainers had to run towards the front entrance to avoid the Onix's lagging tail that lashed about and hit a surrounding wall, busting through one of the walls.

Clyde, who was quite taken aback and lucky to be alive after a rocky tail came crashing through the plaster, had stood up from his chair and was surprised to see the four trainers running away at a fast pace.

"Get out of here! This building is going to collapse!" Brock shouted.

Clyde didn't need to be told twice as he joined the group and got a safe distance away from the Gym.

Luckily, the Onix's rampage did not last long as it finally succumbed to Ash's relentless bombardment of her iron-clad tail. The beast let out a final groan before collapsing to the ground in a heap, creating yet another large crater in the floor.

As soon as the dust settled, Red immediately ran to the disaster zone and started to shout in worry, "Ash, Ash, are you okay?! If that ugly rock snake killed you, I'm going to decapitate it and mount it on my wall!"

How would you even decapitate an Onix? What tools would you even use to accomplish that task?

Luckily for Red, Ash was alive and relatively well, if a bit battered and shaken from the rough landing. She managed to keep a tight hold on Onix as he fell and used much of her enemy's force to shield her from hitting the ground.

"Ch-Chaaa!" she coughed and tried to stand up, feeling a bit wobbly on her feet. Red scooped her in his arms and hugged her.

"You…were amazing!" Red said almost breathlessly. "Like, holy crap, you were such a badass! Guts did awesome too…you both have earned your Bro Badge as far as I'm concerned. And speaking of Badges…"

Ash kept nuzzling her head happily into Red's chest as he marched up to Brock, who was staring at his ruined Gym and, most likely, his ruined apartment that he lived in and all the objects that he owned that he would have to replace.

"Ahem." With a smug look on his face, Red held out his hand and made a 'gimme, gimme' motion. "I believe you owe me one Gym Badge…and an apology for yesterday's humiliation."

Clyde and the Gym Trainers, who were already stunned speechless by the destruction of the gym, could only marvel at the sheer impudence of this trainer. Did he really expect an apology after what he did today?

Brock stood stiffly, his eyebrow twitching, as he said through gritted teeth, "An apology? After destroying my Gym and my residence, causing thousands of Poke in property damage that the League will have to pay for out of _my_ paycheck, you want an apology?"

Red paused to think about it before giving an answer.

"Uh, yeah. I beat you, so I get rewarded. Duh."

Brock wanted to let it all loose: just have a tantrum right on the spot and strangle Red's neck. But he kept his calm; he had a reputation to keep as the "Rock-Solid Pokemon Trainer" and he was pretty sure the League would not let him off the hook for murder, no matter how justified.

He shifted through his pockets and pulled out a Boulder Badge, which he then literally threw at Red's face.

"Just take this Badge and never come back to this city again. Or I will not be as calm as I am now."

"…" After staring at Brock for a few minutes, Red picked up the badge from the ground and gave him a nod, though he wasn't entirely sure what he did wrong. All he did was follow Brock's advice and he got good at Pokemon, which led him to victory.

_Sheesh, some people are so wishy-washy with what they want._

"Okay, I will head out of town to continue my journey. Can I use the Pokemon Center and Mart before I leave?"

"…Yes. Just don't linger. Nurse Joy is a lot scarier than me."

* * *

Red was watching Guts take down his sixth Nidoran today with a mind-blast. It had been about an hour or so since they left the Pokemon Center in Pewter City, which had been a great relief to Red.

During his time in the Center and going to the Mart to stock up a bit, he kept getting glared at by the residents of the town. He had no idea what was up with them today; maybe it was because he smelled a bit ripe?

The worst part was that Nurse Pokemon, who kept calling him "a blight upon the region" as she frostily healed up his Pokemon.

"We hope to never see you again," she had said as Red was about to leave. "And we know who you are now; we'll be watching you."

_What a creepy woman,_ Red thought. _Whatever, she'll get her mind blown by Guts and burned to a crisp by Ash if she tries anything funny with me_.

His trek throughout Route 3 was an uneventful one, a relief to both wildlife and Trainers in the area. He met a few Trainers on the route which he used to level up Guts. Like many of the Trainers he encountered in the forest, the kids were total rookies and spouted weird dialogue:

* * *

"I like shorts, they're comfy and easy to wear!" a young boy wearing blue shorts said in a peppy voice.

"Okay," Red said slowly, announcing every syllable just in case the child in front of him was actually retarded. "I think they're stupid. I mean, have you ever tried to burn down a forest in shorts? You'll get the shit burned out of your legs."

"Huh? Why would I burn down a forest?"

"And man, I remember that one time my friend Bobby wore shorts," Red said sadly, shaking his head. "I never saw him again."

"…What?"

"My dad loved shorts, though," Red admitted. "Then again, he also liked to hit the bottle. And women. And me."

"I... Huh?"

"Man, if you really think about it, aren't shorts the worst? I mean, why not just wear pants?"

Before the poor boy could respond, another kid in the same clothing came from the tall grass and sent a wave at his short-wearing companion. Seeing that his friend was catatonically ignoring him, he looked around and caught Red in his sights. "Hey, you aren't wearing shorts! What's wrong with you?"

"No! No more shorts, they're the devil!" the boy Red had just traumatized cried out, gripping his head. "They kidnap children and burn down forests and make men beat women!"

"What?!" his companion asked, baffled.

"And they're pretty gay," Red added as an after-thought.

"And they're _gay_!"

"W-what?!" the boy's companion stammered. "How dare you?! Do you dare desert our Sacred Order of Shorts? When I tell Grandmaster Denim about this..."

Red took this moment to walk away from the clearly crazed children before they decided to challenge him.

* * *

"Hey, I saw you in Viridian Forest!" a Bug-Catcher said.

Red tilted his head. "Then why didn't you challenge me to a battle?"

"Are you kidding me?! I saw what you did to Sammy's Beedrill and the surrounding forest with your Fire Pokemon! Here, just take my money, I don't want to battle a crazy-strong guy like you!"

Red accepted the money and smiled. "You won't get anywhere in life by wishing away your problems with money…but thanks anyways."

* * *

"That look you're giving me…It's so intriguing," a girl wearing a stylish miniskirt said.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Will you please stop it now, it's giving me the creeps," she said as she called out her Pokemon for the battle. Red continued to stare as he called out his own team.

After winning, Red kept on staring into her eyes, which finally drove the girl to make a dash towards Pewter City, making sure not to make eye contact with this weirdo.

_Man, messing with people is so easy to do_, he thought.

* * *

After training up against the trainers and wild Pokemon, Guts had learned two new moves which the Pokedex described as "status moves:" Poison Powder and Stun Spore. It's pretty easy to find out what they do based upon their names.

"Alright, Guts! Now you can cripple any enemy that stands in your way!" Red said as he and his Pokemon entered the nearby Pokemon Center at the base of Mt. Moon.

Nurse Joy looked up from her magazine to greet the newcomer only to freeze in place when she caught sight of who had just entered.

_Shit, just my luck,_ she thought. _This is the brat my sister warned me about. Okay, Joy, just play it cool and get this kid in and out as fast as you can without getting riled up…_

"Well, hello again, Nurse," Red said as he came up to the counter. "If you think I'm intimidated by you harpy Pokemon freaks then you are sorely mistaken. I can paralyze or poison you, and leave you to the mercy of my might and skill! Wahahaha!"

This would be a great challenge.

Joy just put on a fake smile and said in an overly cheery voice, "I-I can't possibly know what you mean, young man. I just run this station making sure young trainers such as yourself are fully rested before heading into Mt. Moon. Would you like to heal your Pokemon?"

Red stopped laughing and gave Joy a suspicious look. Whatever game she was playing at, he would not fall for her tricks. He would maintain constant alert.

"Yes…but I'm watching you, lady."

Joy kept her smile as Red put the Pokemon in their balls and handed them over to her. Joy placed them onto the machine. There was a happy noise and a bright light before Joy handed the balls back to their owner.

"There you go, all happy and healthy. We hope to see you again!" she said, hoping he couldn't hear the strain in her voice.

He didn't catch on as he nodded and was about to set off.

At that moment, an oily voice called out, "Hey there, young man. May I have a moment of your time?"

Red turned to face the voice who called them: it belonged to a short, plump man with small eyes and wearing a tacky suit. Anyone could tell that this guy was some type of con artist or shady person who would sell his own grandma for a handful of Poke, but Red didn't seem to care.

"I noticed that you have a Gym Badge from Pewter," the man said, referring to Red's hard-won prize which he had pinned to the lapel of his red jacket. "You must be a very strong trainer."

Red's ego grew to the size of a mountain as he grinned. "I'm going to be the very best like no one ever was!"

The man nodded sagely. "And yet I see that you only have two Pokemon in your entire party. Surely it's quite difficult to only have two Pokemon by your side?"

Red shrugged. "Yeah, but I haven't been able to find anything that looked cool enough. Everything looks pretty boring."

The man gave a sleazy grin. He had this sucker right where he wanted him.

"Well, how about for the incredible low price of 500 Poke, I give you an incredibly rare Pokemon: the very powerful King of the Seas, Magikarp!"

Red raised his eyebrow. "Surely you can't be serious?"

"One hundred percent, my boy," the man said. "And my name ain't 'Shirley;' it's Crazy Eddy, traveling collector and entrepreneur!"

"Well, will you show me what this Magikarp looks like?" Red said, as he was about to pull out his Pokedex.

The man thought quickly in order to prevent the kid from seeing the actual product. "Oh, I can't do that; it's too risky! It might go berserk right here in this very Center!"

Red blinked before turning to look at Nurse Joy. "Is that true? Have you seen Magikarp before?"

Now Joy knew that Magikarp were rather pathetic, weak Water-type fish who could only splash about haplessly. Most wild ones never made it to evolution and they were difficult to level up. But she didn't want this kid in here any longer than necessary. So she played along with the salesman.

She held her hands to her mouth and tried to appear as terrified as possible. "Oh please, have mercy! I've seen so much havoc as a result of those monsters! Please, please don't release one in the Pokemon Center, I beg of you!"

It was a good thing Joy was a pretty convincing actor. Red grinned and fished out some Poke to give the man.

"Here you are, good sir! I'll take my Pokemon now!"

Crazy Eddy smiled and handed over a Pokeball. "You won't regret it, my lad! You shall become the best like no one ever was with that Pokemon. That sale is a priceless one…also non-refundable."

Red began to head out, his mind already in a different place. "I shall call you **Megalodon**! Let's test out your might out on the wildlife of Route 3.

"Have a good day…heh, heh, sucker," Eddy snickered as he also began to head out of the Center. He then turned to Nurse Joy. "You didn't see me."

Joy shrugged and went back to her magazine. It was only a matter of time now…

* * *

Like she predicted, Red stormed back into the Center a few minutes later holding a dull-looking orange fish in his hand like a club. Its eyes stared pleadingly at the nurse as it puckered its lips, hoping for a swift and merciful death.

"I was ripped off! Where is that no-good piece of scum that sold me this useless hunk of fish meat!?"

He had tried to test out his brand new killer fish in the fields, only to discover the sad truth. Megalodon was not the King of the Seas, but a weak Level 5 fish that could only splash about while he was assaulted by wild Pokemon.

Even the Pokedex entry was cruel towards the Magikarp: "**Magikarp, the Fish Pokemon. It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokemon in the world.**"

Seriously, the entire world is against this creature's survival, and Red had the misfortune of wasting money on it.

Joy held back her laughter as she said with as straight a face as possible, "I believe he's taken off into Mt. Moon by now. Maybe if you run-"

Red gave no reply; with Megalodon still in his hand, he ran out the door. All he could focus on right now was revenge and getting his money back from that scam artist.

_He will regret the day he messed with me!_ he thought, heading right into the foreboding cave entrance. "He will regret it!"

Megalodon could only pucker his lips and pray for death to come to him as soon as possible.

* * *

Mt. Moon is renowned throughout the region for being the only place where one can find mysterious Moon Stones, shards from meteors that have fallen around the mountain. It is impossible for travelers to scale the mountain peak; the only way to go is through the cave itself. Fortunately, many excavators including Brock himself set up several emergency lights and carved out a clear, easy path for trainers. It was known as a popular place to hunt for fossils.

Despite these modifications to ease the burden of trainers and insure a safe passage, there were still many nooks and crannies where a trainer could easily find him or herself lost in.

Red could hardly care less about staying on the right path or the blue bat Pokemon that were flying in a frenzy about his head.

"Oof! Dammit, I tripped on another Geodude!" he shouted, standing up and kicked at the Pokemon. He only accomplished at hurting his foot.

He briefly hopped on it in agony before resuming the search. He had both Guts and Ash out in hopes that they could sniff out their target. He wanted to be ready to make this guy pay for the crime of tricking an impressionable youth and swindling him out of his hard-earned cash.

"These Zubats are such assholes!" Red shouted as he continued his trek. He had spent for what felt to him like an eternity searching both levels of the cave, but had little success.

With threatening tears in his eyes, Red felt like sitting down and saying every swear word he knew.

Then he heard the voices. They echoed all around the cave; it seemed to be coming from down a long corridor. Red could recognize the oily, wheedling voice.

_Target found. Time to surprise attack him and exact sweet revenge._

Red put a lip to his mouth, signaling his Pokemon to be quiet. Ash and Guts nodded and did their best not to make so much as a loud step or flutter of wings.

Red and his team, with Megalodon gripped tightly in his hand, kept close to the wall and crept silently towards the voices. As they grew louder, Red's breath slowed down and his pupils dilated. He felt ready to strike.

Peering around the corner, he spotted Crazy Eddy attempting to make a sale on a nerdy-looking guy with a satchel with the exit to the cave within sight...along with a giant hole in the side of the cave with hazard signs put up around it. The nerd looked highly skeptical.

"I told you I have no interest in buying your subpar wares," the man said.

"Oh, don't be like that!" Crazy Eddy said, pushing his luck. "I just sold a high quality one to a sap-er, customer-about an hour ago. This is a wonderful purchase, I guarantee-"

Crazy Eddy was drowned out by the sound of a bloodcurdling yell.

"Ash and Guts, show no mercy!" Red screamed, holding his Magikarp sword aloft. "We will have our revenge against those that make fools of us!"

"RAWR!" Ash cried fiercely, her tail turning to iron as she reached a shocked and terrified Eddy. He barely avoided being hit by the force of iron as he clumsily dodged the Charmander.

Ash instead hit the cave's wall, making it shudder precariously. She did not care about this as she continued her assault upon the surroundings in her wrath to get the man that had made her master upset.

Guts was also going all-out by launching Confusion attacks at the man. Unfortunately he missed and hit a family of bystander Geodudes. The attacks immediately enraged and confused the Geodudes, who began to throw large boulders and even themselves all around.

The cave itself is not the strongest structure, as the hole in the wall was evidence of how fragile it can be when there was a lack of control. With the constant chaos of iron-clad smacks to its walls and heavy objects banging about, the area's structure could no longer sustain itself.

The nerdy man saw this inevitable collapse and shouted, "Everyone, get out now! There's a cave-in!"

Red was too busy beating the scam artist with Megalodon and calling him names that would have made a salty sailor whistle with surprise.

Ash and Guts heard the man's warning, and were able to herd their master and his prey to the safety of outside with the adult following behind them.

They had barely made it out as debris from the cave's ceiling and the Geodude's rampage crumbled and blocked the entrance back through Mt. Moon towards Route 3.

The man shifted his glasses nervously and coughed. What a rather perilous day he had endured. First he had to deal with being held up by ruffians while collecting fossils, and now a hooligan caused part of the cave to collapse and created a major road block for travelers.

Brock would not be pleased to hear this news.

Red was too busy exacting his vengeance upon Eddy to care about what he had caused. Guts had managed to sprinkle some Stun Spore dust onto the traveling salesman, leaving him helpless to Red's makeshift bat that was the Magikarp. With each slap of Megalodon he could feel his rage leave him as he scolded the man who had dared to make a fool of him.

"No refunds, huh? I demand double of what I paid you, you penis-breathed slimeball! I am Red, the future Kanto Champion and the very best like no one ever! You…will…remember…my…name!"

"Um, young man? I think he's unconscious now. I believe you won," the scientist said sheepishly.

Red, who was breathing heavily, paused from his attack and looked at his handy work. Crazy Eddy was indeed knocked out with bruise marks all over his body. He would not be getting up for quite some while.

Red's tired face brightened up with this conquest. He then searched the pockets of the man and took out the 500 Poke he had given away. He also saw a folded up rod strapped to Eddy's back and picked that up as well.

_A fishing rod, huh_, Red thought. It seemed sort of worn-looking, but he decided it was better than nothing. "I'll consider this payment for your treatment of me. I'll even keep the fish as a reminder of being more cautious about future purchases. Have a good day."

Red then looked at the scientist. "You saw nothing, nerd. Is that clear?"

The man realized this boy was quite possibly insane. He agreed immediately.

"Indeed I didn't. I will not mention to the authorities about how you assaulted a man with a Pokemon or how you caused a cave-in at Mt. Moon's Route 4 entrance."

Red cast a glance at the blocked-off opening, finally registering what had happened.

"Whoops, my bad. Is anyone gonna, you know, clear that up or something?"

"I'll let Brock in Pewter City know about it. Good day to you." The man then released a ferocious gray-scaled Pokemon with razor sharp claws and leathery wings. He climbed atop of the beast and was immediately airborne.

"…I got to get me one of those," Red said after watching the duo fly away. He looked at his Pokemon and asked, "You all doing okay?"

"Rawr! Freeh!"

Megalodon could not make a noise; he only died a little more inside from what he had experienced and that he was still allowed to live through it all. Surprisingly though, he felt much stronger and…what was this dark emotion that was taking form inside of him?

"Great. Let's head on over to Cerulean City." Just before Red could take any more steps, two men wearing karate outfits rushed towards him.

"Are you alright, young lad?" one of them said. "We heard a large rumble and saw dust rising!"

"Oh, yeah," Red said. "The cave opening just collapsed, but we all managed to get out alright." He then jabbed a thumb at Eddy.

"He may need to go to a hospital. Poor guy's nerves just couldn't handle it. He probably pissed himself because of the stress."

The men let out sighs of relief. The other one said, "It's good that you aren't hurt. I take it you're a traveling trainer on his way to glory and fame?"

"Why, yes," Red said. "I am going to be the very best, like no one ever was."

The man gave Red a toothy grin. "I like your attitude, kid. How about I teach you a special move?"

Having learned from past experience, Red narrowed his eyes. "Do I have to pay money for it?"

"Nope, it's completely free…as long as you don't learn that sissy kick move from that sissy next to me."

The other man scowled. "Don't listen to this crackpot, kid. I can teach you an awesome kick move that will put the hurt on your enemies, better than some lame punch!"

Red took out his Pokedex. "Can you tell me the names of these moves?"

"Mega Punch." "Mega Kick."

As the two adults bickered like schoolyard children, Red read up on the moves and which Pokemon could learn it. They were both Normal-type moves with high power. Mega Kick had more power but missed a lot, while Mega Punch wasn't as heavy-hitting but had better accuracy.

It turned out that Ash could learn both moves.

"Well, the only one in my party that can learn it is my Charmander, so let me ask her." He looked at Ash and said, "Which would you rather do, punch or kick?"

Ash paused to think about this. Both seemed like fun things to do, but she could only choose one…

She finally curled her fists out and pretended like she was a heavy-weight boxer. Red and the two men couldn't help but internally go "aww" at the sight.

"Well, there you have it. Teach me Mega Punch," Red said. The punch expert fist-pumped in victory while the other guy groaned.

"Okay, what move do you want to forget?"

Red looked at the Pokedex and after some fiddling, he chose to have Ash forget Scratch and learn Mega Punch.

"Alright, nice work, kid. I knew you were a smart one!"

The kick expert just looked away in disgust. "Please, that ginger kid with the hot girlfriend was much wiser teaching his Mega Kick technique to his Squirtle."

Red gritted his teeth at that description. "Wait, are you talking about Blue and Leaf? They've already been through here?"

"Yeah, they passed by about an hour ago into Cerulean City. Why, are they friends of yours?"

Red's mind had already gone on to those two losers and how he wanted to show off his newfound skills to them. He told his Pokemon, "Hurry guys, we need to get to Cerulean City or we'll miss them! I want to try out a Mega Punch to Blue's stupid face! Wahahahahaha!"

With that Red dashed off towards the city boundaries, his Pokemon excitedly trailing after him, or in Megalodon's case, flailing about in Red's hand.

The two karate teachers watched him leave before the punch expert said, "What an annoying laugh."

"That's something we can both agree upon."

* * *

Red's Team

**Ash – Level 14**

Charmander, Female

-Mega Punch

-SmokeScreen

-Iron Tail

-Ember

-Ability: Blaze

**Guts – Level 14**

Butterfree, Male

-Tackle

-PoisonPowder

-Confusion

-Stun Spore

-Ability: Compound Eyes

**Megalodon – Level 10**

Magikarp, Male

-Splash

-Ability: Swift Swim

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures:" We focus on what Leaf and Blue have been up to on their team-up through Mt. Moon (which is totally not a date as Leaf will adamantly tell you). Will they catch the thieves successfully? Can Leaf find the elusive Clefairy? Will we ever learn what happened to Bobby? All this and more in Chapter 6!  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Pokemon, its characters or any other used material that appear in this chapter. This is just for fun, though I wonder if this would make money if we sold it. Probably not.

* * *

Chapter 6 – Double Trouble, That's Right!

"Morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?"

Leaf tried to keep the scowl off of her face as she found her insufferable traveling partner sitting on the same couch that he had been on the previous night, sparking a feeling of déjà vu.

He had two sets of plates on the coffee table with his trusty Squirtle partner Satoshi sitting beside him on the couch and munching on a small ball full of grounded up insects and vegetables, the staple diet of the Squirtle family.

A plate had been saved for Leaf, thankfully with no grinded up insects. It was a simple meal: a slice of toast with butter and jam on the side, an apple and banana and a glass of juice.

"I hope you haven't spent too much money on my account," Leaf said blithely, sitting down in the chair opposite of him. She grabbed the piece of toast, slathered it with butter and jam and took a bite.

"It's the cheapest breakfast deal I got," Blue said with a shrug. "I'm not that generous with my money."

Leaf gave a tiny pout as she swallowed her bread and lifted the glass of juice to her mouth. "I give my condolences to your future girlfriend; all she'll have to look forward to is a simple meal at a burger joint and cheap plastic jewelry."

Blue smirked. "You've got a pretty smart mouth. I'm surprised your friends can stand you smack-talking them all day long."

Leaf recalled the harsh words Red had told her the day, leaving a rather unpleasant sensation in her stomach, churning some of the food. She gulped down the rest of the juice as she began to feast upon her toast.

"Well, that's not important. We should be discussing our daily plan. How many Pokemon do you currently possess in your party and what are their levels?"

Blue patted Satoshi's head. "Along with Satoshi here at Level 15, I have my Pidgey Cloud at Level 14 and my Rattata Fang at Level 12. I'm also pretty stocked on Potions, Antidotes and Paralyz Heals."

"I see you like to live dangerously, just like a certain moron," Leaf said. "I'm thinking about switching my team up with some of the Pokemon in the Box. If you'd like to borrow some of my Pokemon, I _might_ be able to lend you some if you ask nicely."

"Pfft, good joke." Blue waved her off. "Like I'd trust some fresh-out-of-the-box Pokemon. Besides, have you even trained them? I didn't think so."

Leaf's fist clenched around her glass. Well, at least he wasn't as bad as Red.

"Fine then," Leaf said with a flip of her hair. "I'll just go and make some final adjustments. I'll meet you by Mt. Moon's entrance in fifteen."

"You mean an hour, right?" Blue asked. "Because whenever a girl says that, she means an hour."

"I mean fifteen minutes, you ignoramus!"

An hour and fifteen minutes later, Blue was wondering what was keeping that girl so long. Unlike his sister, Leaf didn't seem old enough to put on make-up nor did it seem like she had any interest in it...

_Wait, was that her secret? Did she put make-up on her breasts to make them that big?_

The minds of young men often work in strange and mysterious ways. But you should know this, you've seen Red.

"Hey!" Leaf shouted, running up to Blue. "Sorry I'm late, were you waiting long?"

"Yeah, like ten minutes," Blue grouched. "I knew you women always took a while with your boob make-up and stuff. No worries."

Leaf looked down to her breasts and sighed. She could not understand why everyone always focused on them.

Well, Leaf, the answer's simple. You're a thirteen year old girl, about 5'4" with a DD-cup bust. Who wouldn't be awed by what kind of gravure monstrosity you'll become in the future?

"I just couldn't decide who I wanted to box." Leaf definitely did not pout. Leaf firmly believed she never pouted. So what if she puffed her cheeks out? It wasn't like she cared what he thought or anything. "Hmph. Not that you'd know about that, being only capable of catching three Pokemon."

"Eh. At least I don't have anything useless on my team like a Kakuna or Metapod," Blue said offhandedly, not noticing Leaf flinch slightly at both names. "Are you ready to go now?"

"...Uh." Leaf thought for a minute. "Would you mind terribly giving me one more sec-"

"Yes," Blue said, walking through the entrance.

"Jerk!"

* * *

"Man, you're the worst trainer ever, aren't you?" Blue asked as he stared at his temporary partner. "You brought Kakuna _and_ Metapod into Mt. Moon? You do know that there are primarily _Flying _and _Rock-types _here, right?"

A fierce battle was going on in the cave. Leaf's Metapod, Papilia, and her Kakuna, Apis, were in a fierce battle against a couple of Zubats and a Geodude.

And by that, I mean they were using Harden and Tackle again and again. It was actually kind of tedious to watch.

However, the truly fierce battle was taking place between Leaf and Blue.

"O-of course I do, idiot!" Leaf said, turning her head to the side. "It's just that they're going to evolve soon, so I..."

"Did you at least bring that Bulbasaur? That looked pretty useful..."

"..."

"Hey, hey, now..." Blue sighed. "Do you actually know how to battle?"

"Of course I do! I beat Brock, didn't I?"

"Everyone beats Brock. He's legally blind."

"Urk." It seems Leaf didn't know that fact.

"It's not as easy to beat Trainers as you go farther along your journey, you know? They all had to beat _someone_ to get here."

"...Right..."

"You can't just get along by beating Pokemon and knowing trivia alone."

"Jeez, you're worse than Red," Leaf sullenly stated.

"Because I'm right."

Meanwhile, a battered Apis and Papilia stood atop their defeated foes, barely making it threw the fierce battle they just faced. It was a good thing that the Zubats hadn't known any Flying-type moves or they would have been killed before they were free of their chrysalis.

"H-hmph. It seems your advice was unneeded. Look!"

Blue looked at the saddest cocoon duo he'd ever seen. "I think that counts as abuse in some regions."

"My Pokemon can take care of any threat!" Leaf continued as if she didn't hear her partner. "Now let's find those fossil thieves!"

"Man, maybe I should have just done this myself," Blue muttered as Leaf started to walk away. He then let his eyes drift downward of Leaf's body and realized something. "Eh, at least the scenery's good."

"What are you waiting for?!"

"Coming, mom."

* * *

Blue remembered hearing from his dingbat of a grandfather before that over the years various studies had been conducted to see the actual psychological differences between men and women. He had told Blue that after various tests were run, the researchers found no provable differences in the brains of the two sexes, with the exception of one: women seemed to have a terrible sense of direction. Blue had always just played it off as his grandfather being sexist. After all, his sister always seemed to have a good sense of direction.

However, the events of the past fifteen minutes had radically altered his life view: as it turned out he now wholeheartedly agreed with his grandfather, an event which almost never happened.

_Dear Birds, this woman could get lost in a cardboard box_.

"It's...up this ladder, I think?" Leaf told her partner as she read the map in her hand. Unbeknownst to her, but certainly to her partner, they had gone up that ladder seven times and circled the first floor at least four. "I know it."

"No. It's not," Blue snapped. "Give me that."

Ripping the map from Leaf's hands violently and ignoring her indignant shout, Blue saw something terrifying. There was nothing wrong with the map. She wasn't holding it to an angle or upside down. It wasn't out of date, and it was of the right mountain.

Truly, this girl's sense of direction was terrifying.

"I know where we're going!" Leaf stamped her foot. "Let me see that!"

"Leaf, shut up," Blue said, reading the map. "Did you even know that there's a floor under us?"

"What, that's impossible," Leaf scoffed.

Blue leaned over and pointed to something on the map.

"Ehh?! When did that get there?!"

"..." This girl was truly a terrifying party member; how she even got this far was beyond Blue's comprehension. "Let's just go down the ladder over there, okay?"

"Ehehe." Leaf gave an awkward chuckle as her cheeks turned to a Jigglypuff shade. "That sounds fine."

* * *

"Well, this looks different," Blue said as he came to the bottom of the stairs. Unlike the rest of the cave, the walls of the bottom floor were slick with moisture and the lights around them danced brilliantly along their surface. For the first time since the two began their quest into Mt. Moon, Blue was enjoying scenery that wasn't his traveling companion.

"Hmph. I could have guided us down here," Leaf mumbled contritely. "It was no big deal or anything."

What a tsundere.

"Yeah, whatever," Blue said, conceding the point rather than trying to face Leaf's unjustified anger. "Let's just go-"

Leaf then gasped as she ran forward a bit and kneeled down. Blue raised an eyebrow. Why was she suddenly interested in dirt?

"I found a Moon Stone!" Leaf said, her eyes all a-sparkle as she cradled a dull gray stone that shined quite peculiarly. "Do you know what this means? There could be Clefairy nearby. It's so pretty!"

It was at that moment that a man in a black latex bodysuit with a red "R" emblazoned on it stepped out from around the corner. "Hey, what are you kids doing here?"

"Eh?" Blue looked over at the man and recognized what he was immediately. "Team Rocket?"

Leaf stood up and moved back to Blue's side, looking warily at the man who intruded upon her discovery.

Team Rocket, or the Rocket Family as some people called them, was a business conglomerate owned by the famed Giovanni that dealt in pretty much anything. Team Rocket had some hand in the distribution, sales or production from anything in the region: from Pokeballs to potions to gambling.

Blue had always thought they were pretty dumb though. It wasn't anything deep; he didn't care about their corporate structure or fiscal earnings. No, he just thought that their uniform was the stupidest thing he'd ever seen. Who would willingly wear something like that?

Leaf's opinion of them, on the other hand, was influenced by her parents' opinions of the organization: while they appreciated Giovanni's contribution and donation to Silph Co and their products, they were quit leery about the unsavory rumors of Team Rocket stealing Pokemon from trainers and treating Pokemon as mere tools instead of individuals with feelings. Leaf made sure to stay clear of them if she spotted a member walking down the streets.

However, like Blue, she agreed that their uniforms were simply tasteless and silly. Seriously, it just made them look like the bad guy's minions from a cheesy action movie.

"Oh, you know who we are?" the man asked. "That'll make things easier then."

Still, while the man's taste in wardrobe was obviously atrocious, it never hurt to be polite. Leaf put on a smile and said in her best 'adult kiss-up' voice, "Hello, sir, how are you doing today? I'm sorry to bother you, but we're just here to look for some shady people for the police."

"Oh, bounty hunters, huh?!" the man exclaimed erratically, pulling out a Pokeball. "Hand over all your belongings, or prepare for trouble!"

"…Huh?" Blue questioned, completely baffled, as the Team Rocket member sent out his Pokemon, a grotesque purple ball called Koffing.

"Well, then you best make that double!" Leaf, who slipped her Moon Stone in her bag, shouted as she sent out her Metapod and Kakuna.

"What's going on?"

"You can't send out two Pokemon, even if they are weak little bugs!" the Rocket member shouted. "That's cheating!"

"And you're a thief. Don't go calling the kettle black, Mister Pot." Leaf then added with a fierce glare, "And don't underestimate my Pokemon."

The Rocket member was swiftly beaten, much to his embarrassment.

"Y-you meanie!"

And then he ran away, tears in his eyes. Man, what a pussy.

Blue was stupefied by all of this strange behavior. He was used to this from Red and his grandpa, but seeing everyone else committing random behavior was unsettling.

Well, it would all be fine, right? He wouldn't have to deal with this _too _much. It's not like his entire life story would be dictated by such characters.

If only you knew what was in your future, Blue. If you only knew.

Leaf then gasped in excitement as she ran over to her Pokemon. "Oh my goodness! They're going to evolve! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!"

It was true; the nonstop battling the two went through had finally toughened up the cocoons where they had finally reached their potential evolution stages. Both shells seemed to crack at the same time and their brand new forms broke free.

While they looked like a normal Butterfree and Beedrill they seemed a bit smaller in size with Papilia having slightly frayed edges in her wings and Apis' stingers on her forearms looked a bit dull and blunt.

The two insects buzzed happily as Leaf's Pokedex was updated. "All that training paid off! Maybe I should release that Caterpie and Weedle I caught now that I have all the evolutions…"

Blue then interrupted Leaf's train of thought. "Hey, uh, Leaf? You just blatantly cheated in a Pokemon battle, even if it was against a criminal, and you've been working those two Pokemon to the point I could claim abuse. Perhaps I should report you to the League?"

"Perhaps I should report your grandfather to Social Services?"

"I've already tried," Blue admitted. "No luck."

"..."

"You know, you're really starting to act like Red," Blue observed. "Maybe-"

Leaf's face paled and her eyes widened. She then bowed slightly to Blue and after she stood up said solemnly, "I'm truly sorry for all my actions. It will never happen again and we shall never bring this up ever again. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

* * *

After an awkward silent period of walking, the two trainers quickly ran into more Team Rocket members and made short work of them. I mean, seriously, all they used where Koffing, Zubat and Ekans. You'd think that a powerful Pokemon conglomerate would have more variety.

"Geez," Blue said as he looked down at the Zubat that Satoshi just mauled. "You'd think that these guys would be better."

"I know, right?" Leaf said as her newly-evolved Beedrill poked more holes into a Koffing. "Such weaklings."

"Eh. Less work for us, I guess." Blue shrugged, ignoring the crying trainers that ran out of the room behind him. For some reason all of them that they defeated shouted out something about "blasting off again."

Blue was a little put-off by their behavior; he'd always expected Team Rocket to be a lot cooler. He'd seen a video of Giovanni battling the Elite Four when he was younger and almost defeating all of them. He thought that if a man like that was the head of an organization, his team would be a force to be reckoned with.

What Blue didn't know was that Giovanni had delegated all hiring capabilities over to his HR department and had no control over the corporate hiring policy anymore. To be honest, he often didn't even know what his minions were doing. I mean, think about it, trying to steal fossils? What use would Giovanni have for fossils?

On the plus side, all of that training paid off for Satoshi the Squirtle. He felt himself become stronger and a strange light enveloped him. After it faded, there stood and brand new Satoshi who was now a fully evolved Wartortle: bulkier with a wave-like tail and tufts on its ears. His shell was also larger with past scars decorating it.

"Awesome! You look much stronger, Satoshi!" Blue said. Leaf recorded its data in her Pokedex: "**Wartortle, the Turtle Pokemon.** **It often hides in water to stalk unwary prey. For fast swimming, it moves its ears to maintain balance.**"

"It's good that we're getting some experience for our Pokemon," Leaf said. She had also been leveling up her team, though they didn't seem to learn many moves or evolve. She was starting to regret boxing Bloom, Cyan and the others.

As the duo marched onward, Leaf did not forget her main reason for starting this journey in the first place: catching and cataloguing Pokemon. She had already caught the annoying Zubat and Geodude they stumbled upon, and even a cute orange Bug-type with mushrooms on its back called Paras, but there was one Pokemon that Leaf was dying to get her hands on: a Clefairy, the mysterious creatures who danced under the moonlight and possessed strange powers.

Eye-witness accounts of Clefairy are few and far between, as they were shy creatures who were skilled at hiding themselves. To catch one and be able to have concrete data on it would be a major success to Leaf's research. Plus she heard that they were pretty dang cute.

Blue grumbled as they headed down another flight of ladders into a basement. "Hey, Miss Brain? I know that you love excavating through dark, creepy tunnels, but I want to get on with my life."

Leaf just ignored her traveling buddy as she continued to poke around the tunnel. _Oh, please let luck be on my side! Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres, even Lugia itself! I pray to you to give me luck in finding one Clefairy!_

The Birds definitely gave her something in return for her halfhearted prayer in the form of four Rocket grunts surrounding a lanky man with greasy hair and wearing a dirty lab coat. The one with his back facing the two kids seemed to be the profile of the Boss Giovanni himself, though Leaf and Blue took note that he had rather poor posture and a higher-pitched voice.

"Now, come, come, you fossil maniac," 'Giovanni' told the hostage. "This will be much simpler if you handed over all the fossils as I, Giovanni, command of you!"

The man didn't seem overly worried about his position. "You see, you would be terrifying if you were actually, well, Giovanni. But…you're _not _Giovanni. Now if you don't mind-"

He stopped as he spotted Leaf and Blue approach them. "You two, you seem to be trainers. Will you assist me and teach these thugs a lesson?"

"That's what we're here for, pal," Blue said, stepping up towards the group. "Hey, 'Giovanni,' we kicked your other lackeys' asses. Turn around and face us."

The head of the Rockets turned around, a sneer on his face. "Oh, so you dare to challenge the Boss Rocket, impudent child? I, Giovanni, will make quick work of you!"

Blue, with an unimpressed look on his face, said, "Yeah, you're not Giovanni. Shut the hell up now."

"N-Nonsense! I am-"

"If you want to do even a half-way decent impersonation, here's a few tips. Giovanni doesn't look like Quasimodo; he stands up straight and proud. You have a rat face and Giovanni has a chiseled chin. That suit you're wearing looks like a cheap knock-off. Giovanni only wears the finest suits made in Kalos. The wig itself is okay, but for Pete's sakes dye your eyebrows as well! It's so obvious that purple is your natural hair color. Man, Giovanni needs to hire new subordinates."

There was an awkward silence, this time even more awkward than the one Blue and Leaf shared earlier. The fake Giovanni's jaw was agape in shock as his co-workers did their best to hold back their snickers. The hostage just smirked and quirked an eyebrow at how much this boy knew about Giovanni's physical description.

After staring at Blue for a bit, Leaf began to cough loudly, "*cough*fanboy*cough! Man, whew, lots of dust in here, huh? *hacksogay*cough!"

Blue sent her the deadliest glare he could muster.

The fake then groaned in disappointment as he grabbed the brown wig and flung it to the ground, revealing his thin purple hair.

"Why don't my disguises fool anyone!? I am a master of disguise! Should I just give up?"

One of the grunts patted his friend on the shoulder and said encouragingly, "Don't give up, Petrel. I like your disguises just fine."

"Thanks, Kojiro," Petrel said with a smile. He then brought his attention back to Blue and pointed a finger at him. "If you think I'll be insulted by some ginger-haired poser and his buxom lady-friend, then you are sorely mistaken. I am Petrel of Team Rocket; either surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"That's right!" Kojiro and a female grunt added as they surrounded Leaf and Blue, releasing all the Pokemon they had. Naturally, they were all Koffing, Ekans and Zubat. The fourth grunt restrained the super nerd

"Hey, that's not fair! You can't gang-attack us with all your Pokemon at once!" Leaf complained, releasing Feather while Blue brought out Satoshi.

_Well, well, the kettle came back blacker than ever, eh? _Blue thought sarcastically.

The female grunt laughed haughtily. "Sorry, twerp. But we don't fight fairly. Right, Kojiro?"

"Indeed, Musashi," Kojiro said, pulling out a rose from out of nowhere and throwing it at Leaf. "For you, mademoiselle."

It bounced off Leaf's chest as she looked annoyed. This was supposed to be a normal day of catching a Clefairy and rounding up bandits. She was tired and could really use a shower right about now, and she was currently being cornered by ruffians who were only making things more difficult.

_I could really use a miracle right about now, O Mighty Bird Trio!_

The Birds had heard her and had delivered a savior in a cute pink package.

"Pippi!"

The ensuing battle was put on hold as all parties looked down at the voice's owner. It was a tiny pink Pokemon with brown-tipped ears and an innocent smile on its face. The Pokemon was holding up its stubby fingers and had just waggled them cutely back and forth.

Leaf's eyes widened. She had heard about this move in her class, a move that randomly selected any other move that could possibly exist, no matter the species or type of the Pokemon. This random move could be as harmless as Tail Whip or Attract, but sometimes it could produce deadly ones.

As soon as Leaf saw the sparks charging from the fingers that were only growing stronger, Leaf knew that this time it was not Tail Whip.

"Metronome…Watch out!" she shouted as tackled Blue and knocked him out of the Pokemon's range of attack. Their Pokemon were also smart enough to take cover out of the way.

The Rocket grunts were not as fortunate.

A charge of electricity shot out at them and blasted them back, straight through the cave's walls and into the bright outside. The three hapless thugs only had time to scream as they were zapped with such electrical force that after the attack faded, all their hair was standing on end and they had some char marks on their bodies. Their Pokemon did not fare better, as they were knocked out and twitching with spasms.

By some miracle, all three were only knocked out and in intense pain.

The grunt that was holding the nerd trembled in terror. He immediately let his hostage go and ran away through the new hole, screaming his lungs out while flailing his arms.

Leaf, Blue and the nerd could only look at the devastation in shock. The unconscious grunts, the hole in the cave (which somehow didn't force a collapse)…and the cute pink creature that had caused it all. It was all just so crazy.

"A Clefairy…I asked and I received," Leaf said, her face breaking into a grin. The creature was still dancing around happily at all the fun it caused.

"Hey, Leaf," Blue said to grab Leaf's attention. She looked down to see his face was a bit red and he had a shameless grin on his face. All because she had landed on top of him during the chaos and her breasts were pressing against his own chest. "Not that I mind or anything, but you can get off me now."

Her face became a dark crimson as she sputtered a bit and fell backwards. "I-I'm sorry–Y-Y-You pervert! I have no time for this nonsense; I have to catch that Clefairy!"

The Clefairy in question was watching this very intently, her head cocked to the side and her finger up to her mouth. She wasn't like most of the Clefairy in her pack who kept to the shadows; she was curious about these strange creatures called humans.

Unbeknownst to Leaf and Blue, the Clefairy had followed them around during their time in Mt. Moon and learning all about them. She had taken a shine to them, as they seemed like good, if a bit odd, beings who meant no harm. In fact, she was quite interested in coming with them to see what lied outside these dark cave walls.

"Papilia, use Sleep Powder!" Leaf ordered as her Butterfree released green powder from her wings over the Clefairy. The little creature thought it was so pretty and wanted to dance under it…but she promptly fell asleep.

Leaf couldn't help but give a squeal of delight as the ball clicked. She looked at the Pokedex entry of her new Pokemon: "**Clefairy, the Fairy Pokemon. With its magical and cute appeal, it has many admirers. It is rare and only found in certain areas.**"

She picked up the ball and said to it, "You really saved our butts back there, little one. I think you'll be a good member to the team…Dokuro."

"How incredibly touching," the nerd said, adjusting his black-framed glasses. He clearly didn't sound touched at all. "Anyways, addressing the Rocket thugs that Clefairy…incapacitated. Will you inform the police?"

Blue nodded after standing up and dusting himself off. "Yeah, I'll give them a call now. Should we, uh, tie them up in case they wake up?"

Leaf interjected as she tucked the Pokemon into the storage part of her bag. "There's no need. The move that was used was Zap Cannon; those goons are definitely going to be paralyzed and in a lot of pain. We should probably get medical help for them along with the police."

As Blue nodded and began calling the number on his cell, Leaf turned her attention to the man. "Why were those guys after you?"

"Beats me, young lady. I'm an intern from the Pewter Museum and I was sent here to collect some fossils for Brock; he was looking into expanding his team with some Rock-type fossil Pokemon. Well, the next thing you know, I'm accosted by those thugs with that "master of disguise" claiming he was Giovanni and I should relinquish my belongings. I'm not a battler, so I really appreciate the help you two gave me, even if it was the Clefairy that won out in the end."

Leaf smiled. Another compliment of her skills; it was definitely a good feeling being appreciated for a job well done. Sort of…well, we won't linger on the details.

The nerd then rummaged through his satchel. "Here, I want to reward you two for your hard work. I have some extra fossils, the Helix and the Dome Fossils. You and your boyfriend can have one of each."

"Oh, he's not…my…um, thank you very," Leaf said, grabbing the Dome Fossil and examining it. It was a chunk of rock not unlike those on display at the museum, with a dome-shaped shell encased within it. She slipped it into her bag.

At that moment Blue got off his phone and joined the conversation. "So, I told the officer what happened and he is rounding up a squad now to come and arrest those guys. He said to go collect the reward at Cerulean City." He then saw the Helix Fossil and said, "Cool, is this for me? Thanks, man. You gonna be alright?"

The intern nodded. "I'll wait here until he police arrive to give them my eyewitness report." He directed the kids to a set of ladders leaning against the far wall. "Up through there is the way out onto Route 4. Unless you two want to go through the hole in the wall."

The kids let out small chuckles as Leaf waved a hand. "Oh, no, we'll just take the normal way out. I hope whoever does maintenance knows how to fix that."

"Brock is in charge of that. I'll tell him all about it when I get back to Pewter City. Take care you two."

Leaf and Blue waved back and headed up the stairs, with Leaf making sure Blue went first so he wouldn't look up her skirt. The man watched as they bickered for a brief moment until Blue relented and set off first. Leaf gave another friendly wave before following after her friend.

_What a cute couple those two would make_, the intern thought as he stood there, ignoring the soft groans of the Rocket grunts. _What a trial this was, but wasn't it exciting! I'm going to have to post this on my blog!_

What a nerd.

* * *

"Hey, did you know that there's some weird cult online that worship the Helix Fossil as a god or something?"

Leaf looked at Blue as they rested on the grass. "Is that so?"

He nodded. "Yeah, my friend Bobby told me all about it before he moved away. They call it Lord Helix and declare that 'He will rise from the waves one day to smite those who worship the False Prophet,' I don't know. They're a bunch of crack pots."

_So Bobby isn't an imaginary friend after all. Red was right for once in his miserable life_, Leaf thought.

It had been a couple of minutes since the trainers left the mountain. After the long trek through the cave, they decided to take a few minutes to rest up before heading on towards Cerulean City.

Route 4 was a scenic place with a gentle slope all the way down to the bottom leading to Cerulean. It was mid-afternoon; the sun was shining in the sky and there was a gentle breeze making the leaves and blades of grass sway softly.

It was a welcome change from the interior of Mt. Moon and Leaf was happy for a moment of relaxation. She was even happy that she could share it with someone else for a change; being by yourself all the time can get a bit taxing and she had decided that Blue wasn't _that_ bad of a traveling friend.

"How long have you known Red for? You two seem…close," she asked.

Blue snorted. "We've known each other since we were babies. My grandpa and older sister Daisy raised me since my parents died, and Red's dad drowned when he was only seven so he only had his mom. He's a weird kid, but there aren't many people in Pallet our age so we just hanged out."

Leaf nodded as he asked her, "What about you? Do you have any friends from wherever you come from?"

Leaf bit her lip before answering a bit awkwardly, "Well, my parents work all the time at Silph Co. so I don't see them a lot. And…to tell you the truth, I was always too busy with my studies to care much for friends. I just didn't connect with any of the girls in my class: they were either too feminine or too sporty; no one seemed interested in school except for me! And don't get me started on the boys–disgusting pigs, every single one of them! Who needs idiots like them anyways, since I'm so much better than them? Ohoho—"

"It's kind of lonely not having anyone to hang out with though, isn't it?"

Leaf broke off her halfhearted laugh and sighed, looking away. "Well, I'm not…completely alone. I have my partner Pokemon and, um, human relationships can be quite taxing so…"

Blue felt sorry for this girl. She had no clue how to relate to others because of her oddness, so she buried herself away in her books and studies just to avoid the pain of being rejected by people, which would only increase her isolation.

Truly, a vicious cycle at its finest.

"Well, you can be a bit of a spazz, but you were a lot of help today and you really saved my neck from that Clefairy's death cannon. You may be a dork and a weirdo, but we can be friends and allies if you want."

Leaf looked at Blue who held out a hand and was smiling at her. His execution was a bit poorly handled–seriously, calling her a dork and a weirdo doesn't win brownie points–but she saw that he was sincere and that was all that mattered.

Leaf genuinely smiled and accepted the offer. "…Thanks, Blue. I would like to be your friend."

A touching scene like this just had to be ruined; it's was too perfect of a moment not to ruin. The thing in particular that ruined it was the loud bickering of two men complaining which was better, punching or kicking.

Leaf and Blue stood up and walked a bit further to see what all the commotion was. They saw two older men wearing karate gi practicing a variety of moves with their arms and feet while also screaming at one another with all their might.

"KICKING IS THE SUPERIOR ART FORM, FOOL! YA-TAI!"

"YOU MUST HAVE ROCKS FOR BRAINS IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR WEAK ANKLES! PUNCHING IS BETTER AND YOU KNOW IT! KI-AI!"

As the ceaseless smack-talk and moves continued, Blue and Leaf couldn't help but snicker. Adults can be so dumb with their fights; they were just kids and even they both knew that both punching and kicking were both acceptable forms of taking out your enemies.

Blue was getting a headache from their voices and decided to draw attention to themselves. "Hey, guys? Sorry to bother you, but what's all the shouting for?"

The men stopped their argument to address the young couple who approached them.

"Oh, good afternoon, children," one of them said politely. He seemed a completely different man than the one who was just yelling moments ago. "Lovely day, isn't it? Enjoying a date out, huh?"

Leaf waved her hands in front of her face and laughed a bit nervously. "Oh, no, no, no! We aren't dating. We're just friends–yes, friends who happen to be a boy and a girl. Nothing…abnormal…with that…heh, heh."

"Sorry to bother you, but we heard a lot of commotion," Blue said, trying not to laugh at Leaf's awkwardness. "Is everything alright here?"

The kick expert huffed and jabbed a finger at his rival. "This lout thinks Mega Punch is better than Mega Kick. Everyone knows it has tons of attack!"

Well, I guess massive damage is pretty cool.

"Yes, but Mega Punch is more accurate. You wouldn't look very cool if you missed a kick, would you now?"

That was true. Flying kicks that didn't hit anyone were just about as cool as looking at explosions _on purpose_.

"Hey, you two, help us out. Would you rather learn Mega Punch or Mega Kick?"

Oh, you weren't asking me? Well thanks.

Jerks.

...

Blue thought about the two fighting-idiots offer; this was a good moment to acquire a new strong move for one of his Pokemon. He turned to Leaf and asked, "Are you interested in any of these moves, Leaf?"

"Not really. You can go at it with these brutes all you want," Leaf said. "I believe only your Wartortle can learn these moves; it's up to you whether or not which move it learns."

Blue then turned back to the two karate guys. "And I can't just have both?"

"No."

Blue sighed before releasing Satoshi from his ball. The aquatic Pokemon stretched his arms up and looked up at his master.

"Hey, would you like to kick or punch?" Blue asked him. Satoshi took no time to hesitate in his answer: he gave a swift kick which slammed into Leaf's ankle.

"Ouch! Dumb turtle, watch where you aim that!" Leaf scolded, shaking her injured foot.

Satoshi only snickered in amusement.

Blue turned to the man who taught kicks and said, "Looks like it wants to learn Mega Kick. I have some money…"

"No need, I'll teach it for free!" the kick expert said as he and Blue taught the Wartortle a new move.

The punch master merely pouted and turned away. "Hmph. You just don't know the might of Mega Punch. But you will, one day."

"Yeah, sure I will," Blue said with an eye-roll as he put Satoshi back into the ball. "Well, we have places to be, so we'll bid you fine gentlemen a good day."

"And please stop fighting so much," Leaf added. "You disturb a lot of people who are trying to take a break from stressfully roaming Mt. Moon."

The men looked a bit sheepish. "Okay, we'll try to keep our heated discussions to indoor voices. Even though Mega Punch is better."

The kick expert sighed before he smiled at the kids. "You two love-birds enjoy the rest of your day!"

"We are NOT love-birds! Ugh!" Leaf said as she grabbed Blue's arm and dragged him away from the area, almost stumbling a few times due to the slope's inclined angle.

The two men gave hearty chuckles. Ah, to be young and in love again.

"That boy is certainly a lucky one to have a pair like that," the kick expert said.

"Finally something we can both agree on," the punch expert said with a nod.

* * *

Leaf's Team

**Feather – Level 16**

Pidgey, Female

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Gust

-Quick Attack

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Banana – Level 15**

Mankey, Female

-Scratch

-Leer

-Low Kick

-Karate Chop

-Ability: Vital Spirit

**Apis – Level 15**

Beedrill, Female

-Tackle

-Harden

-Fury Attack

-Focus Energy

-Ability: Swarm

**Papilia – Level 15**

Butterfree, Female

-Tackle

-Sleep Powder

-PoisonPowder

-Confusion

-Ability: Compound Eyes

**Walker – Level 13**

Sandshrew, Male

-Scratch

-Defense Curl

-Sand-Attack

-Ability: Sand Veil

**Castrato – Level 13**

Jigglypuff, Male

-Sing

-Defense Curl

-Pound

-Ability: Cute Charm

Boxed Pokemon

**Dunce** – Weedle – Level 4

**Lettuce** – Caterpie – Level 4

**Hemlock/Hem – **Nidoran - Level 7

**Bloom** – Bulbasaur – Level 14

**Wing** – Spearow – Level 9

**Munchie** – Rattata – Level 8

**Cyan** – Nidoran - Level 12

**Dokuro** – Clefairy – Level 13

**Flappy **– Zubat – Level 9

**Granite **– Geodude – Level8

**Fungii **– Paras – Level 5

Blue's Team

**Satoshi – Level 16**

Wartortle, Male

-Mirror Coat

-Mega Punch

-Water Gun

-Withdraw

-Ability: Torrent

**Cloud – Level 15**

Pidgey, Male

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Gust

-Quick Attack

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Fang – Level 14**

Rattata, Male

-Tackle

-Tail Whip

-Quick Attack

-Hyper Fang

-Ability: Run Away

* * *

_Next time on "Pokemon Misadventures:" Red makes it Cerulean City and prepares to take on Misty! What will his next training montage song be? Will he achieve victory despite type disadvantages? Fav and review to find out!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except my crazy ideas; see Chapters 1-6. You all should know this by now

* * *

Chapter 7 – Mega Punch A Bitch

"Rawr!"

"Yeah, kicking is for little girls!" Red agreed, swinging Megalodon around like a mighty mace, completely ignoring the fact that it was suffering every waking minute of its life.

"Free."

"...You want to learn Mega Punch too?" Red cast an appraising eye at Guts. "I don't think you can with those small hands of yours, buddy. Sorry."

"Free." Foolish human. One day he would see. One day Guts would punch the world apart. And when the earth was destroyed he would fly through the skies, punching everything in his path. There would be nothing that could stand before the awesome might of his wings.

If he was feeling benevolent, he would spare the strange human who called himself his "master."

But today was not that day.

"Hey look, guys, it's the...city?" Red was starting to get pretty disappointed at these places. I mean, sure Cerulean City was bigger than Pallet Town or Pewter City, but come on, what wasn't? "Well, at least we won't be here long. Just going to beat the Gym Leader and go, right guys?"

"Rawr!"

"...Free."

Red nodded. "Alright, let's make a quick rest at the Center before continuing."

As he headed for the Center doors, he literally ran into another person coming out. He heard a familiar voice say, "Pardon me—oh, it's _you_."

It was Leaf. She had a pretty grumpy look on her face as she looked Red over. He figured it was her time of the month or whatever emo problem girls dealt with.

"Hey, guess what?"

"Yes?"

He flashed his Badge at her. "I got good at Pokemon."

"…Idiot."

* * *

_Before Red showed up_

"So this is Cerulean City, huh?" Blue said, taking in the new sights as did Leaf.

It was a pretty, quiet-looking town that was nestled next to a flowing river. There were beautiful blooming flowers located all over the city and a white marble fountain down the path. While the town itself was still not as populated as larger cities, it was much more thriving than Pallet or Pewter.

Leaf would have thought this would be the perfect place to escape city life and live in…if not for the rather ominous-looking cave that was separated by the river. Leaf saw a man standing right in front of the entrance, looking as if was guarding something important and no way was anybody getting in there.

Leaf decided to ignore the ominous cave to focus on cheerier subjects.

"I heard the Gym Leader is a Water-type expert. Are you going to challenge her?" Leaf asked Blue as they headed towards the Pokemon Center.

He nodded. "Of course; I am going to do some training first since she's pretty high-leveled and I got to heal. Are you going to cheer me on when I battle her?"

"Hmph. I will watch the battle to catalog Pokemon and learn more about battle strategy, but don't think I'll cheer you on or anything," Leaf said, her nose up in the air. "I'm sure you'll do fine without my cheering anyways."

The two entered the Center which seemed to be all abuzz about something. They were crowded around one of the small TVs which had the news on. Nurse Joy was at her station with her eyes narrowing in concern. She noticed patrons approaching the counter and turned to them with a smile. "Hello, young trainers. Are you here to heal your Pokemon?"

"Yes, thank you," Leaf greeted as they handed over their balls. As Joy was handling them, Leaf added, "What's all the commotion about?"

"The Gym in Pewter City is down for repairs. Apparently a battle with a young boy and his Charmander ended with the Gym being completely demolished."

Blue and Leaf glanced at one another as Blue asked, "No one was hurt, right?"

"There were no injuries, praise Lord Helix," Joy said as she rang up the balls in the machine. "But I hear Brock was absolutely livid about the whole thing. The League is putting their all into fixing up the Gym while giving Brock a temporary living and work place during the repairs. I knew that all Fire-type Pokemon were lackeys of the False Prophet; nothing but blights upon the region, I say."

The kids ignored the nurse's rants about her cult beliefs as Blue face-palmed while Leaf just sighed. So this is what desensitization truly felt like: she couldn't even gasp in shock or express her outrage anymore. Red was just Red, and it was just something that happened.

The nurse handed back the balls and smiled happily. "May the Helix smile upon you on your journeys. Have a good day."

"Alright, let me exchange my team real quick…" Blue couldn't help but tap his foot impatiently as he waited for Leaf to switch up her team at the PC.

"Okay, all ready to go! You take care, Nurse Joy," Leaf said as she and her partner headed out. Nurse Joy then grabbed hold of the helix-shaped pendant she wore around her neck and began to mutter a chant.

* * *

_Present Time_

"So you guys just collected your bounty hunter money from the police station and went to train afterwards? What pussies, I would have just gone straight in there and challenged her," Red scoffed.

Leaf sighed. The two were sitting in the Pokemon Center enjoying a small lunch as they related to one another about what they have been up to in the past few days. Leaf decided it would be best to stick with Red to make sure he wouldn't obliterate the town, even if that meant she would be driven insane.

Red decided it would be a bad idea to tell Leaf about causing a cave-in at Mt. Moon, so he only told her the part about catching up to Eddy and teaching him a painful lesson. Leaf scoffed that he deserved to be tricked if he didn't know Magikarp's well-known reputation. Red threw a piece of raw fish at Leaf's face.

Red in turn mocked her for her "date" with Blue and how cute they looked as a couple. She responded by throwing a portion of her food, some applesauce, into Red's face. He just scooped it up and ate it.

How appealing.

"Okay, so you guys went to train before facing Misty. Anything exciting happen?"

"Well, sure. We went onto Route 4 nearby. I added a new Pokemon to my collection…"

"_Eek! Get it away, get it away!" Leaf screamed as she hid behind a thoroughly unimpressed Blue._

_The Pokemon she encountered was a purple snake called Ekans. It merely stuck its tongue out and stared at Cyan, who nibbled on some grass._

_After a bit of coaxing by Blue (which was more like forcing through bullying), she was able to weaken the Pokemon and catch it. She was determined to send it immediately to the box._

_Her explanation to Blue for her uncharacteristic fear: "I had a bad experience with an Ekans in grade school. Don't ask any more than that."_

"…I said goodbye to some friends…"

"_Be free, little ones!" Leaf said as she released her Caterpie Lettuce and Weedle Dunce. She figured that she didn't need to keep these little bugs locked up when she had their final evolutions already. Blue was standing next to her with arms cross._

_It was a very cute moment for Leaf as she watched the two bugs crawl around and enjoy the fresh air…until a Spearow flew down from the sky and swiped them faster than you could blink an eye._

_Leaf could only stare at the spot with a horrified look on her face. Blue was on the ground, laughing his ass off._

"…and we even got our Pokemon to grow stronger and evolve!"

_The grinding really paid off for the two trainers as the fruits of their labor showed themselves. Blue's Pidgey became a strong-looking Pidgeotto and he managed to get Satoshi to learn Bite._

_He even added a new face to the team when a mysterious yellow Pokemon suddenly appeared before him. Blue was quite shocked, but regained his composure and swiftly caught the creature, which was revealed to be an Abra._

"**Abra, the Psi Pokemon. It sleeps for eighteen hours a day. It uses a variety of extrasensory powers even while asleep.**"

"_I'll name you Guru!" Blue declared. Abra, being asleep, did not respond._

"_How politically correct," Leaf managed to quip before turning her attention to two bright lights shining near her. _

_Cyan was now a Nidorina: slightly bigger than before with larger back spikes. And Bloom was now an Ivysaur, with a rosy bud sprouting from her back._

"_Good job, you two!" Leaf congratulated. "And Cyan, I can pat your head safely now."_

_Cyan let out a happy growl as Leaf patted her hand with no fear of getting stung by a spike. _

"_Alright, I think we've got enough training done," Blue said, pounding his fist together. "Let's kick Misty's ass."_

"And…how did Blue do in his battle?" Red said. "Did he get his ass whooped by a girl?"

"No, actually. He won the Badge easily enough; he did nothing for it."

"…Explain further."

Leaf groaned. "Well, he took out the Gym Trainers easily enough and it looked like Misty was ready to go. But then Misty got all weird around him. I think he was using the human version of Attract on her. He managed to take out her Staryu, but before she brought out her last Pokemon, she forfeited the match and practically gave him the Gym Badge."

"What!? That's a load of shit!"

"I thought so, too. She even gave him her phone number! It was quite a shameful display." Leaf then folded her arms over her chest and looked away with a pout. "Whatever, so what if a girl is attracted to him that she'll abandon her dignity all because he winked at her and called her 'beautiful?' It's not like I care or anything."

Oh, she cared. A whole lot.

Red just slammed his fist onto the table. "So, where is he now? I have never wanted to punch someone in the face as hard as I want to right now."

"I think he headed out to Route 24 to visit Bill the PokeManiac. I stayed behind to challenge Misty and rest before heading up there myself…Hey, where are you going?"

Red was already heading out of the Center as Leaf ran to catch up with him. They did not hear Joy murmuring a curse towards Red's direction under her breath.

"Red, just…will you slow down for five seconds in your life!?" Leaf called, standing in front of Red's way. "His Pokemon are way higher than your current team! He has a Type-Advantage on your Charmander. And you have a Magikarp! You'll be crushed instantly!"

"Yeah, but…I can't just…my pride won't allow me to rest!" Red shouted.

Leaf took deep breaths. She really wanted to clobber Red. I mean, _really _clobber him. But then she realized that she needed to be the adult in this situation. She was going to make sure that Red did not destroy something even if it was just for this one day.

"How about we slow down and think first," Leaf said. "First, do some training for a while on Route 4. It's a very nice spot. Your Charmander looks like she really wants to evolve."

Red stopped raging to look down at Ash. She was getting quite big and her scale color seemed to be a darker shade of red.

"Well, okay…I'll do some training for a bit," Red said after some hesitation. "What level should train them up to?"

"About 15-18 should do the trick," Leaf said, slightly pushing Red towards the city's exit. "Now, will you promise me you won't burn the route down or maim anyone?"

"…" Red gave a huffy pout.

"Reeed…don't make me angry. I'm not a nice person when I'm angry. Will you promise me that?"

"…Fine. I'll be good and take it easy while training," Red said. He then pointed at Leaf and shouted, "But I won't be a beta male for long! When I get stronger, I will punch a bitch in the face! I swear to the Three Birds I will!"

With that Red took off for the fields, leaving Leaf giving a short wave and a sigh of relief.

* * *

"_You're the best around!_" Red screeched as his Charmander savagely Mega Punched into the wild Mankey. "_Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!_"

Guts wondered, as he destroyed a poor Sandshrew's lungs with PoisonPowder, why his strange human follower seemed to screech like a cat in heat whenever they slaughtered his wild brethren from time to time. Maybe it was a human mating ritual? Well, it sure wasn't helping the one who called himself his "master."

"_Fight 'til you drop! Never stop, can't give up. 'Til you reach the top! Fight!_" Red shouted, beating off Rattata that came to close to him with his handy Magikarp club. "_You're the best in town! Fight! Listen to that sound. A little bit of all you got can never bring you down!_"

Instead of feeling anger at the trainer who was beating their family to a pulp, the purple field rats could only feel sympathy for Megalodon, whose mouth was clearly trying to make out the words "Kill me."

"_You're the best around! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!_" Red's voice echoed off the Mount Moon's canyon walls, piercing the eardrums of nearby trainers, though the karate men approved the choice of song. Meanwhile, Ash burned through a flock of Spearow as they feebly and unsuccessfully tried to escape. "_You're the best around!_"

As Red continued to shout "Oh Yeah!" as loud as he could, Guts wondered if he could use his PoisonPowder to make the strange human mute, but decided that it was more entertaining this way.

Idly, he crushed the minds of several Ekans that tried to sneak up on his insane master.

* * *

"Whew, what a work out, right guys?" Red asked, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with the battered and gasping-for-sweet-oxygen Megalodon. "Hey, Ash…why are you glowing?"

Ash had become enveloped in a bright light as her shape seemed to grow bigger with each passing second. Red assumed that this was the moment that Ash would finally become a giant lizard dragon. Maybe even with wings.

After the light faded, Red was able to see Ash's new look. And, much to his disappointment, she was neither large nor had wings.

To be fair, she had now grown a foot in height. She came up to Red's chest and her arms were not as stubby as they were in her previous form. The flame on her tail burned brighter than before and she now had horn-like bump on her head.

**Congratulations, your Ash evolved into Charmeleon!**

"**Charmeleon, the Flame Pokemon. When it swings its burning tail, it elevates the air temperature to unbearably high levels.**"

"Aww, when am I gonna get my dragon?" Red sighed, though he still patted Ash's head and smiled. "Still, you look much cooler now, Ash."

"Rawr!" Ash agreed, her roar much deeper now. Guts nodded his approval of his ally. Yes, the fire lizard was much more fearsome now. She would make a worthy battle companion as he punched through the world.

Megalodon just stared blankly ahead. Maybe someday he would…oh, who was he kidding? What could he possibly do, splash someone to death?

Being Magikarp was suffering.

Soon after Red came back to the city, he came to a stark realization: he'd never catch up to Blue after spending all his time training. In his mind, Blue leaving for Route 24 a few hours ago must mean he was in a different town by now. _I bet Leaf set me up so that I wouldn't be able to punch her boyfriend in the face, that traitor._

Take note that this is all Red's persecution complex. Route 24 leads to a dead end. Blue would not be miles ahead of Red and would have to turn back eventually.

However, for better or for worse, our protagonist is an idiot who didn't even grab a town map before leaving home. He didn't even know how routes worked.

So he decided to give up defeating his rival and giving him the punch he deserved…for now.

_Well_, Red decided, _there was always Plan B._

"Ready to burn this place to the ground?"

In front of our arguably sociopathic hero stood the Cerulean City Gym, blissfully unaware of the torment that was about to take place within it.

"Rawr!"

"Free," Guts coolly responded. He didn't burn places down. Not his style.

"How about we poison their water supply?"

"Free." Guts was on board with that.

He didn't know that Red was just joking. Seriously, Red didn't want to _kill_ anyone. Well, except maybe Professor Oak's assistant, but come on, that guy was asking for it.

"..." Megalodon gasped. But no one cared, who the hell would care about a Magikarp gasping?

Indeed, being Magikarp was suffering.

"Yeah, let's go!" Red threw open the doors and came face-to-face with his old friend, Clyde. "Wow, hey man! How'd you get through Mount Moon? Didn't I destroy–I mean, isn't it caved in or something?"

"...Smooth, kid," Clyde responded easily, his voice like the velvet on a smooth jazz record. He was lounging in a pool chair with a daiquiri in one hand and a paperback book in the other. "But I have my ways of getting around. Seems like you're too late, though. Your girlfriend already came through here with another guy."

It took Red a minute to understand Clyde. "You mean Leaf? Aw hell no. I would never date her."

"You swing _the other way,_ kid? Nothing wrong with it, but-"

"Come on, Clyde, you know I wouldn't," Red objected. Normally, he'd burn a man on the spot for questioning his sexuality, but there was just something...likeable about Clyde.

Well, that, and his voice made men want to be him and women as wet as a Water Country ride.

"I don't know you that well, champ," Clyde said dubiously. "But if you insist."

"I do insist. But in all seriousness, Leaf's not my type. She's hot, but she's too much of a nerd for me. Maybe if she dropped the arrogant nerd act…" Red stated, pondering this thought before returning to reality. "Well anyways, do you have any advice about this Gym?"

"Sure, my man. This is the Water-type Gym led by Misty. She has it all set up on the water, so using a Fire-type Pokemon would probably be a real stupid idea."

"Thanks, Clyde. I'll remember that."

Just a heads up, for future reference. He wouldn't. Red couldn't remember his home address and he'd just started this adventure a few days ago.

"No problem, Champ." Clyde's voice glided across Red's tympanic membrane like T.J. Hooker over the hood of his car. "Best of luck to you."

* * *

The first thing Red noticed was that everyone in the Gym was a female in a swimming suit. The second thing he noticed was that it was pretty much a glorified swimming pool with a narrow walkway going down the middle.

What a set of priorities this boy had.

Walking along the narrow path, he turned his head when he heard a splash from his left.

"I'm the first up!" a very fit-looking female trainer shouted as she swam up to Red. "Let's do this!"

"Oh my." Red grinned as he looked over the trainer. "Let's do this indeed."

"Eh?" The tanned swimmer thought about it for a second. "N-not like that, you pervert!"

After making short work of the Gym Trainer, Red kept walking along the narrow walkway, ignoring the piteous cries from the girl of how he must have cheated and how a Fire-type couldn't possibly beat a Water-type.

"Rawr," Ash growled back at her, unamused.

The trainer dived under the water, trembling.

"I see Briana was defeated." Another fit female swimmer came up to Red. "I'm more than good enough for you! Misty won't have to be bothered!"

Misty waited for about thirty more seconds. Then two of her trainers were crying out about how there was a cheater in the Gym.

Finally unable to ignore the new trainer in her Gym, she sighed and swam to shore. She idly noted that a lot of challengers where passing through here lately: that magnificent boy Blue, who she swore had to be related to that suave Gym Guide Clyde somehow, and the whorebag that followed him.

Please note that these are Misty's thoughts and not the narrator's. Back the fuck off, Leaf fanboys.

However, she couldn't help but be disappointed when she saw the normal-looking boy with a _Fire-type Pokemon_. Was he an idiot? Did he honestly think that he could beat her with that? She was the greatest Water-type user in Kanto, after all!

Please note that these are Misty's thoughts and not the narrator's. Back the fuck off, Lorelei fanboys.

Oh wait, there are none. My bad.

"Man, you all suck," Red said, tossing Ash's Pokeball up and down lazily. "Can you just call out the Gym Leader so she can surrender a Badge to me? I heard she does that."

_Erk. He heard about that_. Misty glanced around nervously. _Well, as long as I beat him to a pulp, he won't tell the League, right? Hehehe..._

"Hey, idiot!" Misty called. "I'm right here!"

"Oh. I 'sea' you," Red said, before pausing. "'Sea' you, get it? 'Sea'?"

What a terrible pun, Red. I thought I wrote you better than this.

"...Did you get the wrong building? The autism center is right next door."

Red then decided that Misty was number three on his hit list. He was also tempted to complete the list out of order.

"Woman, I will destroy you," Red declared. "I will bring down the force of a million exploding suns, at the very apex of their supernova, down upon you. And then, when you're immolated ashes lay on my feet, I will piss on them before kicking them into your goddamn kiddie pool."

What can I say? Red had a problem with being called autistic.

Why? Did you even read chapter one? Go back and read it right now.

Really, the nerve of some people.

Misty, for her part, was quite unnerved by the murderous child in front of her. She thought about calling security, but there may be ramifications if he told the League everything...

She just decided she'd beat this idiot so bad that he'd never come back.

"Hmph, big words for such an idiot!" Misty put on a show of bravado. "Go, Staryu!"

"Ash, use Mega Punch!" Red shouted to the Charmeleon beside him.

"Huh?" Misty was completely off-guard. Trainers usually would announce their Pokemon before a battle began so the other trainer had time to prepare, but Red just jumped the gun and used an attack.

It was also why he landed the first hit, straight into Staryu's stupid-looking jewel eye, shattering it and sending shards of the semi-precious stone scattering into the water.

The Staryu slammed into the wall and it fainted...or was it dead? I don't know, it's a starfish. How am I supposed to gauge its condition?

"You cheater!" Misty shrieked. "You can't do that!"

"I just did." Red voice was that of a stone-cold killer, a rather demented smirk on his lips. "Next."

"Go, Starmie!" Misty cried, ready to avenge her fallen Pokemon when–

"Ash, Mega Punch!"

But Misty was ready this time.

"Starmie, Water Pulse!" On her command, a geyser of water rose up from behind the Starmie and slammed into the charging Ash, completely negating her momentum . With a mighty thrust, the blow sent Ash flying into the wall on the opposite side of the Gym with a sickening crack.

"..." Red stared sadly at his fallen friend and swore silently he would take vengeance upon the Leader before returning Ash to her Pokeball.

"Hmph. You can't beat me with tricks, loser," Misty said, puffing out her non-existent chest in pride. "But maybe if you grovel before me I'll forgive you."

"..."

"C'mon," Misty jeered. "Grovel, grovel!"

Misty had now moved up to spot number one on Red's hit list.

"Guts. Kill." Not the most common way to introduce one's Pokemon, but Guts was on the same wavelength as his master.

"Starmie, use Rapid Spin!" With that command, the purple starfish Pokemon started to rotate at a rapid speed, to the point that its outline was just a blur. Red didn't think getting close to that would be a good idea.

"Dodge, Guts!"

Guts flew high into the air, confident that the Pokemon would not be able to hit him. However, he was wrong. The Starmie launched itself into the air as if it were a ninja throwing star launched by Koga himself. With a wet smack, the Starmie collided into Gut's comparatively tiny body, before landing on the ground.

Guts wavered in the air, stars in his eyes, but still stayed floating. He wished that the idiot who called himself master taught _him_ Mega Punch now. He would have used it to smack that shithead of a starfish out of the air.

"Hang in there, Guts! Use Sleep Powder!"

The Butterfree obeyed, sprinkling the arena with the glittering green powder that its wings produced. Although a little resistant to it at first, the Starmie soon fell asleep.

Well, it fell over. It must be asleep, right? I can't tell, it's a goddamn starfish.

"Yeah, good job Guts, now use Confusion."

Guts was more than happy to oblige. Reaching out with his mind, the Butterfree grasped the starfish's small, insignificant psyche and clenched his metaphysical hand with the force of an angry god.

Well, not really. But Guts did like to dramatize situations in his head.

A scream echoed from the starfish, though how it was able to project noise was beyond any rational human. The damned thing doesn't have a _mouth_. But I digress.

The Starmie was violently awoken as its mind was being torn asunder by Guts' fierce assault.

"Starmie, use Water Pulse!"

Desperately, the Pokemon sent forth its power and a pillar of water rose to its command, slamming into the Butterfree and making a disturbing crunching noise; it kind of sounded like an obese twelve year-old gobbling up a Butterfinger.

Guts then fell and hit the water. Hard. He wasn't getting back up in this fight.

"Hmph. Looks like that's it then, loser," Misty said arrogantly, even though a sheet of sweat coated her forehead. "Since I'm feeling benevolent-"

"Not yet." Red's rage grew hotter, his very soul becoming the concept of a flame, with the only purpose being to burn the witch in front of him.

Again, not really. Red's been hanging out with Guts too much.

"I still have one Pokemon left."

"Oh..?" Misty looked to her battered Starmie nervously. She'd already used all her Potions and she really didn't want to face this kid without her Pokemon for protection–I mean, _moral support_. "If it's as weak as your last one, you should just give up."

But she didn't really want to give up either. She _hated_ the young trainer before her.

"Don't worry." Red adjusted his cap so it shadowed his eyes. "You're about to face your worst nightmare. Go, Megalodon!"

Misty's heart nearly stopped as she watched the red light burst out from his Pokeball, signaling the arrival of a Pokemon. Megalodon? What kind of badass had to have _that_ name when he named a Charmeleon _Ash_?

"..." The light died down to revel a splashing Magikarp gasping for breath.

"Pfft-hahaha!" Misty laughed in relief, clutching her sides and keeling over. "That's your final Pokemon? 'My worst nightmare,' you say? What do you honestly think a Magikarp can do to me?"

Megalodon felt the odd emotion he had finally identified as rage swell in him, yet he could do nothing. Indeed, being Magikarp was suffering.

Then Red punted Magikarp in the water. "Let's end this."

"Hmph. Challenging an _evolved_ Water-type Pokemon with _that thing_ on my home turf?" Misty laughed, sending Starmie in after Megalodon. "You must be the greatest idiot of them all."

Misty made a grave mistake throwing Starmie into the water. She forgot all about her biology lessons from her school days. Probably too busy thinking about boys and swimsuits, the hussy.

Starmie was a starfish, a normally immobile creature in nature. While its star-shape made it _aerodynamic_, it certainly didn't make it _hydrodynamic_.

In layman's terms, it just kind of floated there while Megalodon swam laps around it.

"Huh?" It seemed like this was Misty's first time using her Pokemon the water. She has been living her life incorrectly, being a _Water-type Leader_ and _not battling in the water_.

"Hah! It looks like Guts' sleep powder is still working after all."

Red, that isn't the problem.

"Grr. It'll wear of soon enough!"

No. It won't. That Starmie isn't going anywhere.

"Heh, even if it does, my Magikarp's ability **Swift Swim** will allow it to outmaneuver you!"

That's not how it works, though.

"Magikarp, use Tackle!" Red cried, and Megalodon slammed into the barely moving Starmie.

Something happened in that moment. Deep inside his heart, Megalodon felt a warm emotion well up. He knew then that he found his purpose in life: to beat the shit out of every Pokemon. Ever.

"Keep tackling it, Megalodon!"

"Dodge, Starmie! Get out of there!"

Unfortunately, Starmie could not get out of there. It was repeatedly slammed into over and over again by Megalodon until it passed out.

What a lame end to a battle.

"No...way..." Misty collapsed to her knees. She couldn't believe she was beaten by a Magikarp.

She looked up to see a grave Red standing before her. She smiled nervously.

"It seems you just lost to the most useless Pokemon ever. Get good at Pokemon, bitch."

The horrified look on her face wasn't very satisfactory to Red, but as his heavy-hitters were down he couldn't destroy the Gym. He really didn't think he would even be able to get away with something like that _again_.

So instead he forcefully grabbed her up, snatched the water drop-shaped Badge off of her bikini top and threw her into the water.

And he stormed out like a little baby. Poor baby Red.

Well, what he didn't know is that he had effectively ruined her reputation. The _Water-type_ Leader Misty defeated by a _Magikarp_? And this wouldn't be the worse of what happened to her later that day.

She would have a complete mental breakdown from this day, lose all confidence in herself and the League would dismiss her from her job a week later as a result of her failure as a Gym Leader. She would then travel the region, homeless and scrapping by on trainer battles, with everyone whispering behind her back about her humiliating loss to the boy named Red and his ugly little fish.

However, Red wouldn't know about any of this for a few years. And when he finally did learn about it, he would gloat about it for hours.

Seriously, it was going to be annoying.

But that is a story for another time.

* * *

Red's Team

**Ash – Level 18**

Charmander, Female

-Mega Punch

-SmokeScreen

-Iron Tail

-Ember

-Ability: Blaze

**Guts – Level 18**

Butterfree, Male

-Tackle

-PoisonPowder

-Confusion

-Stun Spore

-Ability: Compound Eyes

**Megalodon – Level 17**

Magikarp, Male

-Splash

-Tackle

-Ability: Swift Swim

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures": Leaf's battle with Misty and what follows afterwards is covered! Will our young heroine be able to overcome all the obstacles in her way? Make sure to read until next chapter!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: Skip down if you don't want to read.** **Hey everyone, TheWordSmith26 here. I just want to take a quick moment to make a short announcement.**

** After this chapter is posted, it may take us awhile to actually update frequently. Prior to Chapter 8, the previous chapters were already written which is why they were updated very frequently. Along with real life stuff and the burning will to create quality chapters with good material, updates won't happen as often (and I am extra evil leaving it on a cliffhanger…you'll understand when you get to the end…)**

** Other than that, we give our deepest gratitude to the readers and reviewers of this story. We're just glad someone is enjoying this silliness.**

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Hooray.

* * *

Chapter 8 – Off to See the Wizard

Leaf sighed in relief as she watched Red sullenly tread to Route 4. At least she wouldn't have to deal with him and Blue battling until the town exploded or something ridiculous like that.

Leaf giggled into her hand slightly at the thought. Even _Red_ couldn't destroy an entire town. Indeed, what was she thinking?

"Well, I might as well go back to the Gym," Leaf said to herself. "Her Pokemon should be healed by now."

* * *

Leaf flipped her hair with a sigh. Seriously, the Gym Trainers of all the Gyms so far were too easy. Well, maybe it was just Bloom's fault for being too awesome.

"Oh." A sour voice came from her right. "It's _you_."

The voice originated from the Gym Leader, Misty. Her eyes bore into Leaf's soul and were trying to convey something along the lines of, 'Get out, you stupid bitch.'

Unfortunately, Leaf was not psychic and therefore could not hear Misty's thoughts. However she could understand that this woman was angry at her for some incomprehensible reason.

"...Hello there," Leaf tried to be polite. Being polite always helped, right? "I'm here to challenge you to a battle."

"Oh? I thought all you did was hide behind men," Misty flippantly replied. "That's what you did when Blue came here...he's _way_ out of your league by the way, boobs or not."

Leaf then decided that there was a worse person than Red in this world.

"Oh, is that what you think about me, Ms. Gym Leader?" Leaf said sweetly, an angelic smile on her face. "Actually, after witnessing your _crushing defeat_ where you _surrendered pathetically_, I thought I would give you some _time to recover_."

Misty flinched, but she wouldn't be beaten by some ugly girl. "Heh, like I'd need it from a weakling like you."

"Is that so?" Leaf said, her eyes burning like an uncontained nuclear reactor. "You believe you can beat me so easily?"

"Of course!"

"Then, if I win, I'll have you apologize to me. With your head on the ground."

"W-what?" Misty was thrown by this but shot back, "Fine! And if I win, you have to admit to being the skank that you are!"

Leaf thought that she'd been through a lot since she left home. Picking up the pieces after Red burned down a forest, beating a Gym Leader, getting back fossils and even making a friend. After dealing with that insufferable idiot and his pyromaniac of a Charmander without going insane, she thought that she would be able to take anything this adventure threw at her, even bullies jealous of her superior intellect.

However, at that moment something broke inside Leaf's brain. Something rather important: her common sense.

"Oh my. A skank, am I?" Leaf said, smile growing wider. "Well, unlike some _disreputable women _I have recently encountered, I don't _pose in a swimsuit_ for my job, now do I?"

"That's not what-"

"And only hiring females to do the same? My, those are some unique tastes you have."

"Don't-"

"Tell me, do you hit on every man that comes through that door?" Leaf asked innocently. "I'll have to ask Clyde if you made any advances on him. Sexual harassment is illegal, after all."

"You listen here-"

"Are you trying to intimidate me to cover up the facts and feel better about yourself? Why, what a sorry state the League is in to hire one such as yourself."

"You. Fucking. Bitch." Misty finally got a sentence in edgewise. "I'm going to destroy you. Go, Staryu."

"My, when I'm done I'll have to wash out your mouth with soap," Leaf said, sending out Bloom to deal with her opponent's mutant starfish. "However, I'm not sure that's going to be able to clean a _filthy whore such as yourself._"

"You…! Staryu, use-"

"Bloom. Vine Whip."

Bloom subsequently whipped the shit out of all of Misty's Pokemon, forcing her to concede defeat.

Little did Misty know that even as Leaf was standing over her, forcing her to bow her head as her conqueror and scrubbed out her mouth with soap that her day was only going to get far, far worse.

* * *

"Really, the nerve of some people..."

Leaf was having a really shitty day. When she woke up that morning she thought that it would be fine. Go challenge the Gym Leader, catch a few Pokemon and go visit that Bill person Blue had told her about.

No one told her she'd have to deal with Red and someone even _worse_ than him.

And then there was this damned bridge.

For some unknown reason, five trainers were lined up on this bridge and they wouldn't let anyone pass unless they could beat them all in a row, without even letting Leaf go back to the Center to heal. Bunch of punks

Leaf was infuriated. While she had great skills in catching and battling Pokemon, her people skills, in every sense of the term, where completely nil. While she could beat someone if she had a good Pokemon and a type-advantage, she was pretty much screwed in every other case.

That's why this Nugget Bridge was her own personal hell. She couldn't get past the second trainer, a young girl dressed in garish clothes.

"Hah, looks like someone should have gotten good at Pokemon," the lass teased. "I can't believe you lost to some bimbo, Cale!"

"Shut up, Ali," the bug-catcher who Leaf managed to beat scoffed. "Her mangy bird broke through my Kakuna's shell."

"That's what she said. Ooh!" Ali said, pointing at Leaf and grinning.

This day couldn't possibly get any worse.

"Oh, hey Leaf. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you have left town, like, an hour ago?"

And it just got worse. Red had arrived.

Leaf could feel a twitch in in her right eyebrow which she hoped wasn't becoming a habit as he approached her. Perhaps if she was rude enough to this moron…

_Wait. I could use this idiot after all_. Leaf quietly snickered to herself. She then put on a faux happy smile and patted him on the shoulder like an old friend.

"Well, hey there, Red! Did you finally put the smack down on that stupid slut Leader? Knowing you, I'm sure you did an amazing job."

Red felt conflicted. He wasn't that dense to know that Leaf didn't like him very much, what with all the name-calling and taunting that she dished out to him every time they met. The fact that she was being so buddy-buddy with him left a pretty bad taste in Red's mouth and he really wanted to call her out on the spot.

And yet…he really liked to be praised for his battle skills.

Red gave way to his pride and accepted Leaf's fake friendship. He showed off the Cascade Badge that was now pinned to his jacket and said, "Hell yeah I did. I even threw her in the water after I served her a can of whoop-ass. I beat her with my Magikarp real good."

"That's what she said, oh!" Ali repeated loudly, thinking that she was oh-so-clever with her innuendo.

Red and Leaf gave her a rather unimpressed look before Leaf turned back to her new friend and said with an imploring look, "Well, I've found myself in a real pickle. These punks won't let anyone pass until they are beaten in a row. Will you help me clear the path of these ingrates with your superior skills, please?"

Unfortunately for Leaf, Red wasn't the complete idiot she thought he was. He caught on rather quick what she was trying to do. Of course he would happily beat these losers, even for her. But he was going to make her suffer a little bit for her arrogance.

"Gee, I dunno, Leaf. You managed to beat two Leaders yourself. You probably don't need my help, since you like to tell mewhat an amazing trainer you are and what a loser I am _every time we meet_. I'm sure you can handle these guys without an idiot's help."

Leaf bit her lip and panicked a bit. "No, no! I was…just kidding! Yeah, you aren't….a 100% idiot. Maybe only 90% of you is an idiot. No, forget that, you're only an 83% idiot!"

Did this girl have any tact at all? Red rolled his eyes and smirked. Whatever, he had her right where he wanted her.

"Well, I might be able to help you if you admit that I'm a better trainer than you and that you truly, sincerely, from the bottom of your boobs–I mean, heart–that you want my help. With a smile."

Leaf felt part of her soul die at that very moment. She swallowed the bile developing in her throat and forced a sweet smile on her face. "I-I admit that y-y-you are a…better…trainer than m-m-m-me. Please help me, Red, I would…really…appreciate it."

"See, was that so hard? Now, say I'm way better-looking and a billion times more awesome than Blue, and any girl would rather date me than him."

"Don't push it, Red."

"…" Red waited, barely able to contain the glee from his face. Ali and Cale looked a bit disturbed that this kid was getting a sadistic delight from bullying this girl. Ali really didn't want to deal with this guy.

Leaf's face turned apple red and it looked like she was going to blow a gasket. Nevertheless, she swallowed more bile and her dignity to say, "Red, you are definitely…more h-h-handsome and…charming than that creep Blue; you are most _certainly_ boyfriend-material." She nearly choked on her own vomit on that line, but she continued to spit it out. "Any girl would rather have you as their b-b-boyfriend over any other guy."

"Even you?"

"…Yes, including me."

Red smiled brightly and gave a pat on Leaf's glowing cheek. "Aw, I didn't know you cared that much, Leaf. Well, I'll help you out this one time. Let's take these punk bitches out!"

Ali gulped but realized that she couldn't back down now. She still had two Pokemon left, her Oddish and her Bellsprout. Surely, they could win against this psycho?

He then released Ash from her Pokeball. The entire color left he face as the Fire-type licked its chops at the trembling Grass-types.

"Oh, fuck me."

"That's what _she_ said," Red said with a smirk.

* * *

Leaf couldn't even feel any relief or positive emotion as the last trainer's Ekans collapsed in a heap from Guts' mind-rape attack.

Throughout the entire bridge, Red was able to sweep up the trainer's Pokemon without any hitch. He kept bragging the entire time and would every so often after the defeat give Leaf a proud smirk. It was as if he was proving to her that she couldn't shit-talk his abilities in battling and that he didn't need any more advice.

Leaf could care less; she was too busy coming up with ways to murder Red as violently as possible. She came up with at least forty-five ways so far.

As they walked off the bridge, a man came up to the two and smiled happily at them.

"Nice work, young man! As a reward for defeating the Nugget Bridge Challenge, you get a shiny gold nugget!" He handed Red a nice-sized nugget which shined in the sunlight.

"Thanks," Red said, admiring his token. "Hey, Leaf! You can add 'loaded with money' to my list of good boyfriend material."

She had now come up with fifty-six ways to brutally kill Red.

"By the way, would you kids like to join our organization, Team Rocket? We could use a strong trainer like you, young man, and you can get better at battling if you join us, miss. And there's more where that nugget came from if you work for us."

The man also thought that she would look really good in the uniform.

Leaf was brought out of her homicidal daydreams after hearing the name 'Rocket.' "Wait a second…This whole challenge was just to recruit potential trainers into Team Rocket? I had to give up my dignity and self-worth just so you can solicit trainers!?"

"…Um, yes?" the man said with a nervous laugh.

Leaf bit her lip until she drew blood, clenching and unclenching her hands. She had just about enough of this nonsense. She was going to give this schmuck a piece of her mind or fist to the face, whichever came first.

She never got the chance as Red spoke up with, "How much more?"

"What? Oh, you mean the nuggets?" the Rocket recruiter said, inching a bit away from the girl. "More than you can even imagine."

"Okay, I'll join."

Leaf stopped her incoming tantrum to look at Red in shock. "Red, what the hell!? These guys are a criminal organization who steal and use Pokemon for monetary gain! Blue and I just beat them up in Mt. Moon, like over a few hours ago. Why do you want nuggets so badly you'll join a bunch of criminals?"

Red shrugged. "A pimping bike, Leaf. They cost, like, 1,000, 000 Poke at that shop in Cerulean."

Leaf realized that, as a responsible and good person, she should convince Red that this was a bad idea and keep on the right path. Plus the very thought of Red being part of a criminal team was just too frightening to dwell upon.

Then Leaf remembered that she was drained from this horrible day and just wanted to move on past this route.

"You know what, fine. I don't care what you do, Red." Leaf said with a shake of her head. "Join Team Rocket and go absolutely hog-wild. Just…leave me alone forever, okay? I think I'll go mad if I spend one more hour in your presence. Goodbye, I hope I never see you again!"

The man and Red just stared back at Leaf she stomped off towards the route, never looking back.

After a minute of pause, Red looked back at the guy and smirked. "She totally wants me, man. I can feel it."

He nodded back and patted his new recruit's shoulder. "You can practically cut the sexual tension with a knife. You are one lucky kid. Now, will you follow me to our base for debriefing?"

* * *

Leaf had not made much progress along the route as she was too busy repeatedly kicking a tree over and over in order to let all her rage out. The nearby trainers were smart enough to stay far away from the raving, overemotional lunatic.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid! Red is just…ugh, I don't even want to think about him! And why was Misty such a bitch to me? I can't help it if I'm naturally endowed and smarter than her; geez, all the girls I meet just treat me like…t-trash no matter how n-n-nice I am! And I'm an idiot, too! Here I am, crying and kicking a tree to myself like a b-b-big…_b-b-baby_!"

Leaf felt even more embarrassed that she becoming upset where people could possibly see her and she managed to stop herself after a few more minutes. Leaning up against the tree, she wiped her eyes which were sore and most likely red.

She took a few breaths before feeling something rub against her leg. She looked down to see Bloom patting one of her vines against her leg and looking up at her with worried eyes.

Leaf sniffed, but managed a small smile. "I-I'm okay now, Bloom. Thanks for being nice to me. Who needs human friends when I've got my loyal Pokemon partners?"

"Saur-Saur."

"Yes, I guess Blue counts as my friend, too. Maybe I'll be able to befriend decent people along the way."

There's no way Leaf could understand what Bloom really said, but it was nice to have someone to talk to and project one's thoughts onto.

As if there would be someone out in the world who could talk to Pokemon; that person would probably be some weirdo who runs a cult or something.

Leaf took one more deep breath and regained much of her composure. She was going to learn from this bad day and move on with her life. She had things to accomplish.

"Well, let's get through this route and find this Bill guy."

She had taken this time to do standard things: she evolved Feather into a fine-looking Pidgeotto, leveled up many of her Pokemon and caught some new friends, including an Abra, two weed-like Pokemon called Oddish and Bellsprout and a fuzzy purple bug named Venonat.

"Hmm," Leaf pondered Venonat's appearance in the Pokedex. "You'd assume that this was the first stage of Butterfree's evolution, what with the purple body, the antennae and the red eyes…Must remember to investigate further."

Oh, Leaf, you big nerd.

At the very end of the route was a dead end. There was a modest cottage that overlooked the flowing river. Leaf could even spot a couple cuddling near the railing of the cape. It was a rather lovely place.

Leaf noticed a sign posted outside of the cabin. In large dark letters were the words "Bill's House. Home of the PokeManiac."

_Why would he ever want to go by the term of a maniac? _Leaf thought about this and decided that when she became famous, she would choose a name that wouldn't be so odd.

She approached the door and heard two pairs of voices inside, though she couldn't tell who they were. She knocked once, twice.

No response; the voices fell silent.

"Uhh, who is it?" one voice spoke up.

Leaf was able to recognize that voice: Blue.

"Blue, is that you? It's Leaf…are you with Bill?"

Blue fell quiet and Leaf could barely hear what he was saying to the other person. She guessed that the other one was Bill himself.

After a few moments, Blue spoke up, "Hey, Bill said you can come in…but you have to promise me that you won't scream."

Leaf felt bile churning her stomach. She really didn't think she was up for any more insanity today. She heard the slight strain in Blue's voice and dreaded what she was about to find behind the door.

"Uh, okay, Blue. I promise not to scream."

"Or run away."

"Yes, I won't run either. Will you let me in now?"

The doorknob turned and the door creaked open.

Blue usually looked like he had everything under control: cool, calm and laidback were some words that described the young boy. You'd think someone who was the grandson of a quack would be a little more on-edge, but Blue was a pretty chill guy

Right now he did not look like he was relaxed at all.

His brow was wet with sweat and his pupils were dilated. The color in his face had drained and it looked like he was on the verge of freaking out.

"Leaf, are you any good with genetic splicing?"

"…"

"…"

"Blue…" Leaf said as she walked in the room. Blue closed the door immediately and went to Leaf's side. She was pointing a finger at the…_thing _sitting in the middle of the small room. "What in the names of the Great Ho-Oh and Lugia is _that abomination_?"

Leaf would have said that it was a Clefairy but its face…oh dear birds, what was that? It looked like a human face with a brown tuft of hair on top of the head instead of the signature curl.

"Well, lady, I'm a Pokemon!" it said in a Southern accent. Blue looked away and face-palmed.

Leaf narrowed her eyes and scowled at the creature before her. "_No, you are not. Explain yourself, vile creature,_" she hissed.

The monster gulped and said, "Okay, okay. The name's Bill, and I need your help. This here dumbass," he then pointed to Blue who merely shook his head, "messed up my experiment and he doesn't know how to rectify it. You seem to be a bright lass; will you help me out?"

"It's not my fault technology is out to get me," Blue grumbled, crossing his arms.

"And what's in it for me?" Leaf said, crossing her arms.

"I promise to give you anything you want, just help me get back to my regular ol' self. What do you say, beautiful?" Bill said.

Leaf nodded. "Alright, what do you need me to do?"

Bill smiled. It sincerely creeped out Leaf and Blue, what with the twisted, combined features of Pokemon and human. "Well, I'll go into the Teleporter and you just have to go to the PC, run the Cell Separation System and…"

Whatever was said after that flew over Blue and the narrator's heads. Who has time to understand this technobabble jargon anyways? I am certainly not paid to do any of that; you guys probably wouldn't understand what Bill was spouting from his mouth either.

Fortunately for everyone, Leaf got a grasp of what Bill was saying; she may not have been a huge techno geek, but she was still a nerd who had good comprehension skills. She walked to the computer and waited for Bill to enter one of the large pods. Blue wisely stayed far back from the machines.

She started up the Cell Separation System and followed the directions that Bill relayed to her carefully. She then flipped a switch and stepped back as the machine whirred into motion. The pod lit up and flashed brightly with strange beeps and dings.

It all reminded Leaf of one of those sci-fi B-movies that aired on late nights. Now all this needed was some alien space virus and a pile of living slime to make it complete.

And in this world, these two things could very possibly happen…

The lights and flashes finally slowed down as the other pod rang twice and the doors opened. To the relief of the kids, the thing that came out was not a crossbreed freak of nature, but a young man with curly brown hair and looking a bit worse for wear.

"Whew, that is the last time I ever mess with genetic engineering, research grants be damned," Bill said, wiping his brow. He stood up properly and looked at the young lady who was able to restore him.

"Thank you kindly, little lady," he said, shaking her hand. "My name is Bill, a genuine PokeManiac and the creator of the PC Storage System."

"I'll say you're a maniac," Blue muttered.

Leaf then said, "You were the one who created the boxes?"

"Indeed I am. I figured with the League rules of only using six Pokemon at a time that it wouldn't be right for trainers to have to let go of their precious Pokemon. So me and a whole bunch of other talented people all over the regions came together and created storage systems. It's all very technical and convoluted, but we got it to work superbly!"

"…So, if you're a computer wizard, why were you trying to experiment with Pokemon splicing? In fact, is that even ethical science?"

Bill rubbed the back of his head and looked away. Leaf and Blue just stared at him, waiting for an answer.

Bill finally spoke up with a smile. "Tell ya' what, Miss, uh…?"

"Leaf."

"Tell ya' what, Miss Leaf: I'll give you one of my rare Pokemon from my collection as a gift for helping me out…and for not telling anyone about my questionable scientific investigations. Does that sound good?"

Leaf didn't feel comfortable about accepting a bribe, but she did perk up when she heard it was a super-rare Pokemon. After the strange and rough day she endured, she wanted something good to come out of it.

"…Alright, I guess I can let you go this one time. Just don't do it anymore and give one of them to Blue as well; he's my friend," Leaf said with a sigh. Blue quirked an eyebrow, but shrugged anyways. He was getting a free rare Pokemon, so he supposed he could keep quiet about this strange event just this one time.

Bill groaned, but nodded. He then walked over to a desk drawer and pulled out two Pokeballs. He pushed the small button and in a flash of light, two Pokemon appeared on the floor.

"Oh…my…Birds! They are so cute!" Leaf squealed, her eyes widening in happiness.

They were indeed cute. In fact, they were probably one of, if not _the,_ cutest Pokemon in the entire world.

Bill nudged Blue and waggled his eyebrows. "Girls can't resist the Eevee. They just line up for even the chance to snuggle with it."

Blue nodded. He just learned a valuable tip on getting chicks, though it's not like he needed any more help.

Leaf pointed the Pokedex at the two Pokemon and it rang out, "**Eevee, the Evolution Pokemon. It is an extremely rare Pokémon that may evolve in a number of different ways depending on the stimuli.**"

"So that explains why you were doing genetic experiments," Blue said to Bill, who shrugged.

"What can I say? I just wanted to learn more about my favorite Pokemon. Now then, Miss Leaf, pick one of them, though I will miss the little guys."

The Eevee on the left, a female with pretty hazel eyes and a clipped left ear, let out a short scoff and looked meaningfully at the other Eevee. The other one on the right, a male with a fluffier coat, gave a snicker. They obviously would not miss this collector freak who would bury his face in their fur every day. They were glad to be getting new trainers.

Leaf then took the ball containing the female Eevee and looked down at her. "From now on, I'll be your trainer, Hazel. How does that sound?"

The now dubbed Hazel nodded. "Vii."

"Guess I get the other one," Blue said, taking the other ball. "Nice meeting you, Leon."

"Vui-Vii!" he cried, bouncing up and down.

Bill clapped his hands, though he looked a bit downtrodden to lose two of his collection. But he figured jail time was a lot worse than losing two Pokemon…almost.

"Well, that settles it! And here, as a sign of good faith, I have two tickets to the S.S, Anne. They're having some fancy party on the ship in a few days, but I ain't interested in all that hullabaloo, so here you go; maybe you two can go on a romantic cruise, hmm?"

Leaf grumbled about how Blue wasn't her boyfriend while Blue just chortled a bit. The kids took the tickets and pocketed them. "Thank you, Bill, for the Pokemon and tickets. You take care now," Leaf said.

"And don't create any more abominations," Blue half-joked.

Bill laughed somewhat halfheartedly. "Oh, you kids. Have a good day now! Don't be strangers and all that!"

With that, the two kids left out the front door. Bill stood there and sighed. At least it was all over.

He walked over to the pod and opened it up. He cringed when he saw what happened to the cute Clefairy he was trying to switch with. It was going to be a pain to clean up.

He then took out a cell phone and dialed a number.

"Hey, uh, Celio? Yeah, the Cell Separation System was a bust. Yeah, I know what you said…look, can I, can I lay low on One Island with you for a while? I have a feeling that Ms. Ariana of Team Rocket won't like it when I tell her I failed in my research. Thanks, man, I should have never gotten involved with those Rocket goons in the first place…"

* * *

"So, wait; Red joined Team Rocket just so he could enough gold nuggets to buy a bike?" Blue asked.

"That's right."

"And you just…let him join without convincing him it was a bad idea?"

"Do you honestly think Red would have listened to me if I told him anything," Leaf sighed.

The two were strolling leisurely down the route and shooting the shit with one another about their days. It felt good for Leaf to tell someone about her horrible day. She liked having human friends who could speak back to her and not be complete asses about it.

"Good point, though I was mostly referring to the recruiter. Those Rockets will regret having that weirdo on their team."

Leaf let out a small laugh. "Oh goodness, he'd probably mess up their entire missions or burn down their base. I guess there was nothing to worry about after all. Thanks for listening to me."

Blue shrugged. "Eh, well everyone has days where you just want to get it off their shoulders. Red's just a brainless idiot and that Misty girl was just jealous of you since she's a flat chest. I wouldn't let it get to you."

Leaf smiled happily and nodded. She felt a great weight lift off her chest from the reassurance.

They were crossing the bridge when they first saw the smoke rising from the town. Leaf looked at it and said, "Oh, look at that. Do you think a building is on fire?" She sort of hoped it was the Gym.

Blue then noticed several smoke towers billowing into the sky, and the noise of sirens and screams. "Then I guess numerous houses are on fire."

The two looked at each other and a sense of dread came over them.

"No…No, it-it couldn't be…" Blue said shakily. "He's dense and oblivious, but he…he couldn't be capable of destroying an_ entire_ _city_."

"…" Leaf fell silent, a shadow falling over her eyes.

Blue tried to rationalize. "Y-Yeah, it's…probably nothing. Just some fires or…" He fell silent before face-palming. "Oh Great Birds, why?"

"…Let's go. We need to assess what happened here."

Once a placid coastal town when they last saw it, Cerulean City looked like a hurricane had torn through the town. Most of the houses were missing roofs and were the least damaged of the structures. The bushes with blooming flowers were trampled down and the marble fountain was in ruins with a spray of water bursting from the pipes.

The Miracle Bike Shop was split in two with mangled bikes scattered around the area. The bike owner was kneeling in the destruction, a look of shock frozen on his face.

The Gym and the Mart were in the worst shape, as part of the Mart had been thrown from its location right into the Gym's side wall. Much of the Gym had been burned down from a fire that had been put out by Water-type Pokemon. Many of the Mart supplies had been thrown all over the town and were being picked up by scavengers. Debris was now floating in the river.

The Pokemon Center had thankfully remained intact; the only real damage was that the windows of the center were smashed through and there were burn marks on the outer walls. A large line was forming outside of people trying to find shelter, get medical treatment or even just call relatives to tell them they needed a place to stay for a while. Several police officers were trying to take statements, but were doing a poor job as their police station had been completely destroyed and they were in shock about what had transpired a few hours ago.

Leaf and Blue walked through the disaster zone, taking it all in. Leaf briefly noted that the guard of the Cerulean Cave was still standing outside the entrance, but he was now urgently talking on a phone. _Perhaps he was contacting his superiors about a job relocation_, she thought.

They then spotted the familiar faces of Misty and Clyde sitting on a charred black park bench near the Gym. Both seemed alright, though their appearances were rustled, Misty was trembling and their faces were pale with fright.

Clyde was smoking a cigarette slowly while Misty was gripping her messed-up red hair, and rocking back and forth, a look of shock and horror on her face.

Leaf may not have liked her due to her rude attitude, but she felt sympathy for the freaked-out girl who had to go through this mess.

"Clyde, what the hell happened here, man?" Blue asked as they approached the two.

Clyde looked at the two and gave a sigh of relief. "It's good to see you two. I'm glad you weren't caught up in…in this mess.

"I'm just glad that you're okay," Leaf said. She looked over at Misty and added, "Is she alright? Can you tell us what happened here?"

"She's in shock. Can't say I blame her," Clyde said, his velvety voice managing to soothe the kids a bit. "Well, one minute I was just chilling in the Gym and tuning out Misty's angry shouting from being beaten by that Red boy. Then, out of nowhere, there were screams and loud crashes coming from outside. I went out to see what the ruckus was and then I barely avoided part of the Mart coming through the wall of the Gym.

"I was knocked to the ground briefly, before I hauled myself up and headed back in there to make sure Misty and the Gym Trainers were alright. By some miracle, all of them were fine, though Diana was knocked unconscious shielding Misty from the blast and Briana twisted her ankle. A fire had started up from the attack, so I hauled Diana onto my back and Misty helped the other girl out. By the time we got far away from the Gym, the attack was over. We still had no idea who did it or what happened."

"I know who did it!" Misty suddenly shouted, starling the other three. "It was _him_…that brat Red! I-I heard his voice and that…that a-a-annoying laugh."

She covered her face and moaned. "I'm the Gym Leader of this town and…and I couldn't save it! I'm a failure that lost to his silly Magikarp and allowed him to…destroy Cerulean City. The League will punish me for sure. Poor Diana…please, please be okay!"

Blue and Leaf looked at each other in worry. Based upon their experiences with Red, they probably realized that he most likely didn't mean to destroy the town _on purpose_. Something probably happened with the Rockets that led Red to go on a rampage. They would probably never know what happened here until they heard it from Red's mouth.

Leaf felt sorry for Misty as the red-head sobbed hysterically into her hands. She awkwardly stuck her hand out and patted Misty's shoulder in a show of comfort. "Uh, it's going to be alright, Misty. You can just…explain to the League what happened. It wasn't _entirely _your fault."

"It is, it is! I'm a horrible Gym Leader; I just give Badges to hot guys without battling them like the cheap skank I am! I-I can't do anything."

Leaf decided the best thing to do was to leave the girl alone; no amount of comfort would help this girl's broken self-esteem right now.

"Hey, Leaf," Blue said. "Let's head back through Mt. Moon and go towards Pewter City. We can't use the Pokemon Center here when so many others need it more, though I guess we can use the PC Box really quick if you want."

"Yeah, I do want to switch my team up a bit if you don't mind," Leaf said. "We'll use it quick and head for Mt. Moon."

"Actually, you can't go through Mt. Moon," Clyde said. "There was a forced cave-in a few hours ago that is still being cleared by officials."

"…" Blue and Leaf sighed. They had a feeling Red was involved with that too somehow. Classic motherfucking Red.

"Well, then I guess we have to go through Route 5. We can go that way, right Clyde?" Blue said a bit dryly.

"Of course. A few fallen trees blocked the path leading to it, but if you don't mind splinters and scrapes, you can climb over it."

"Awesome. Let's get out of here, Leaf. I can't stand looking at this anymore." Blue turned on his heel and headed south.

Leaf bowed slightly to Clyde and Misty. "You take care, Clyde. And try to find psychological help for her, alright?"

"See you, Leaf," Clyde said, waving goodbye. Misty did not respond as Leaf turned around and left the disaster zone that was Cerulean City behind.

* * *

Leaf's Team

**Bloom – Level 18**

Ivysaur, Female

-Tackle

-Leech Seed

-Ingrain

-Vine Whip

-Ability: Overgrow

**Feather – Level 18**

Pidgeotto, Female

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Gust

-Quick Attack

-Ability: Keen Eye

**Banana – Level 17**

Mankey, Female

-Scratch

-Leer

-Low Kick

-Karate Chop

-Ability: Vital Spirit

**Cyan – Level 19**

Nidorina

-Scratch

-Double Kick

-Poison Sting

-Tail Whip

-Ability: Poison Point

**Walker – Level 17**

Sandshrew, Male

-Scratch

-Defense Curl

-Sand-Attack

-Poison Sting

-Ability: Sand Veil

**Dokuro – Level 15**

Clefairy, Female

-Pound

-Sing

-Encore

-Double Slap

-Ability: Magic Guard

Boxed Pokemon

**Hemlock/Hem – **Nidoran - Level 7

**Papilia** – Butterfree – Level 15

**Wing** – Spearow – Level 9

**Munchie** – Rattata – Level 8

**Castrato** – Jigglypuff - Level 15

**Apis** – Beedrill – Level 15

**Flappy **– Zubat – Level 9

**Granite **– Geodude – Level8

**Fungii **– Paras – Level 5

**Mystique **– Abra – Level11

**Daisy **– Bellsprout – Level 14

**Herb **– Oddish – Level 13

**Buggy **– Venonat – Level 13

**Hazel **– Eevee – Level 15

Blue's Team

**Satoshi – **Wartortle – Level20

**Cloud – **Pidgeotto – Level 18

**Fang – **Rattata – Level15

**Guru – **Abra – Level 16

**Leon **–Eevee –Level 15

* * *

_Next Time: Oh, Red, you crazy little scamp...**What did you**_** do?**_ Remember to review and favorite until the next chapter!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pokemon, its characters or any other used material in this chapter. Just the isnanity known as Red

* * *

Chapter 9 – Praise The Fish!

"Wahahahaha!" Red felt mighty proud of himself as he swaggered out of Misty's Gym, Magikarp club in hand. So much so that he let out a mighty victory bellow as he passed Clyde in the entrance and gave him a casual wave with two of his fingers as he exited the building.

"Jeez, that laugh is annoying," Clyde said as he watched the questionably mentally-sane kid walk out the door as if he had crapped his pants. "And why's he walking like he's got the 'roids? He's never going to get laid if he keeps _that_ up."

Outside the Gym, Red struck a pose: he spread his feet out wide, and thrust his mighty Magikarp club up towards the heavens, his other hand on his hip.

It looked so silly that everyone around him stopped to stare at him. One person even threw a couple Poke at his feet, muttering, "How sad... to see such a poor, handicapped boy at such a young age..."

"PRAISE THE FISH!" Red yelled, ignoring all the stares. "Offer a prayer to his glistening scales, and then you shall know the brilliance of the fish!"

This did not make a good case for Red's sanity. On the plus side, more people left Poke at his feet.

"Phew, I feel better. What a great victory speech." No, it wasn't Red. "Hey sweet, I found a penny! And...another one? Who left all these pennies here! This is awesome, best day ever!"

After scrounging up coins like a crack addict in a back-alley, Red went to the Pokemon Center to heal his team. The Nurse Joy there had seen his boisterous praising of his Magikarp, and told him that Lord Helix would hear of his sins and that his Hunters would follow in him in the shadows.

Red shrugged, and after telling her to go fuck herself, walked outside and examined what he thought was a sleepy hick town. And then he saw it…

"Whoa, look at this sweet bike!" Red exclaimed as he ran up next to a small shop. In the shop's window there was a red bike with orange flame decals on it—a badass wannabe like Red would like it instantly, naturally.

Man, what a viral-media whore.

"It's got shocks, pegs..." Red looked at the bike longingly. "I bet I could take that off some sweet jumps!"

Off what, a ledge?

"I've got to buy that." Red nodded with fire in his eyes as he walked into the store and asked the gangly man at the register, "Excuse me, but how much is that bike in the window."

"The same price as ever other bike in here," the shop owner said, pointing upwards to a sign that read 'Grand Opening! All bikes at the low price of 1,000,000 Poke!'

Yes, that was a sale. In a world where balls that could digitize Pokemon were 200 Poke and you could _buy _a rare dragon to ride on at the Celadon Game Corner for 110,000 Poke when converted from gold coins..._that was the cost of a bicycle_.

Yes, in this world of innocent children who only wanted to go on an adventure and be the very best like no one ever was, this bike-selling shitbag was making a killing.

What an asshole.

"Excuse me, sir, but that is highway robbery," Red called the man out. "I will pay you 1,000 Poke and no more."

"Then get out," the man stated. Some kid would come in and buy the damn bike eventually.

"I will not—"

"I'll call the cops on you."

"..." Red stared at the man, internally fuming at being outplayed so easily. "Touché, good sir. But I shall return for my bounty."

"Yeah, yeah. Just bring 1,000,000 Poke."

Red gave this man a _one-fingered_ wave as he left the store.

* * *

Red wandered to the north of town where he saw Leaf standing on the bridge with a sullen look. When she looked up to respond to his approach, she actually looked happy to see him.

_That's new_, Red thought.

After a quick greeting, she explained her tale of woe to Red, how she couldn't get past this bridge unless she defeated _all _of the trainers and she needed his help, since he was a master battler. He agreed, of course, though only after messing with her a little bit. He was amused by her flustered expressions; he should do it more often.

It was pretty easy fight that Red was bored to tears with it all, but at the end of the challenge he met some businessman that offered him a job that paid in gold. How cool was that?

Unfortunately, Red didn't know that the man he talked to wasn't a businessman—well, a businessman that marketed in _legal_ ventures anyways.

Leaf stomped off and the man spoke a few more words to Red before telling him they would be having a welcoming party for all their new members at their Cerulean business office right next to the gym. After bidding him a farewell, Red took off to the meeting. The guy said that there would be free food there, after all, and he wanted gold nuggets to shove in that asshole shop owner's mouth.

* * *

"Oh sick, they have donuts here!" Red shouted as he walked into the Rocket Imitation Meeting. "Jelly donuts! But...why do they have such rice-like dough?"

Team Rocket had a pretty nice office. It was large enough to fit a buffet table and the five rows of four chairs, almost all of them filled, pointed towards a small podium in the center.

Someone to the side of Red cast a glance towards him and sighed. "This is the idiot that's going to be joining us?"

Red continued to munch on his 'jelly donut' and looked over at the kid. "Hey, didn't I kick your ass earlier?"

It was true, this was one of the last trainers on Nugget Bridge. "A fluke, no doubt, given how you're act—"

"Yeah, whatever." Red continued to much on his tasty treat. "Say, do they have any Boston Creme donuts? These donuts don't even have jelly in them, and it tastes kind of salty. Pretty good though."

"Ew, what? No, who would put custard in an onigiri?"

"A what?"

"Onigiri."

"I don't understand your strange foreign words." Red scratched his head, confused. "Do you think you can phrase that in a normal language for me?"

"What, seriously? Are you that stupid?" The trainer was quite incredulous.

"Pfft, stupid enough to kick your ass."

"You must not have much to brag about."

"Pfft, yeah I do." Red's lips were starting to get tired from all the "Pftt"-ing noises he was making. "Like...I beat you."

The trainer was enraged at Red's retarded behavior, but decided to just quit while he was ahead. "No, there's no Boston Creme donuts. Birds' Sake, we're having traditional Asian takeout for lunch!"

"The Asians like donuts? Cool guys."

"..." The trainer took a deep breath. "Yeah. Cool. Just sit down, the orientation's about to start."

Red shrugged and after stuffing a half-dozen 'jelly donuts' into his improvised tray-shirt, he made his way to a vacant seat.

Not a half-minute later, an older woman in white business attire with a red 'R' emblazoned on her lapel approached the podium. "Hello, everyone. Thanks for coming on such short notice!"

Red scoffed under his breath, "Nice get-up, lady. No more donuts for you."

"Shut up," the trainer in the next seat muttered back.

"I came here today to welcome you all into our new organization!" the Team Rocket spokesman said with a smile. "My name is Ariana, one of the Executives of the team; I'm one of the top heads right under our glorious Boss. If you all look under your seats, you'll see that we brought a present for you all. Please don't open it now."

Red reached under his seat and pulled out a Pokeball. And then he opened it, of course.

"Oh! Looks like someone was a little eager!" Ariana let out a forced laughed while giving a half-glare to Red. "Well, since our young friend jumped the gun, I might as well tell you all that this is a company gift to you! A little Pokemon we caught by the barrel out in our Azalea Town operation!"

"Wow! Team Rocket extends all the way out to Johto!"

"Oh! Is that a Slowpoke?!"

Mutters like these traveled around the room. Meanwhile, Red looked at the new Pokemon in his hand. It looked like a pink mutant crossbred between a hippo and a pig with a long, whit-tipped tail, a dull smile plastered on its face and vacant eyes.

"…Yawn." The Pokemon scratched its balls and lazily looked up at Red. Absentmindedly, he snatched a _'__jelly fucking donut'_ off Red's shirt and chowed down.

"Oh my god. You are the coolest Pokemon _ever_," Red stated, ignoring the fact he said this about more-or-less all his Pokemon besides Megalodon.

Picking up his Slowpoke and thrusting it in the air, he cried to the heavens, "I shall call you…uh…**Paul, Destroyer of Worlds!**"

"...Ok! Someone's excited!" Ariana was getting increasingly annoyed with our crazy protagonist. She tapped a perfectly manicured, red fingernail on the podium and said with an edge to her voice, "Young man, would you sit down so I can get on with my speech?"

Regally, Red took his place and with a flourish of his wrist he gave an imperious command. "Continue."

She had never wanted to smack a child so badly in her entire life until now.

"Right, well...Thank you all for taking this opportunity to join our team!" the Executive continued. "My assistant is now passing out our list of company policies. Please take the time to go over it carefully and direct your questions to me afterwards."

A female in a Team Rocket uniform passed out a thick pad of stapled papers to all of the members of the crowd. Red flipped through it absentmindedly.

_Team uniforms...eh, okay, I guess...Healthcare...401K..._Red flipped the page and then froze. "What's this BS?"

The speaker sighed. "What now?"

"Yo, this paper right here says that _'Team Rocket employees keeping with our uniform may only have the following Pokemon'_." Red smacked the paper and glared in outrage at the woman. "We can only have Koffing, Zubat, Ekans and Meowth?!"

I would like to say once again that Giovanni had no say in his hiring or HR process anymore. Why would he care about what kind of Pokemon his employees used as long as they were strong to get a job done?

"Yes. That policy was set down by Giovanni." What? No it wasn't, you fat liar. "But if you are a diligent worker and become a Lieutenant, you are allowed to use whatever Pokemon you like!"

"Uh, fuck that noise." Red shrugged and slumped in his chair. He then pounded his chest and threw up a gang sign at Ariana. "I ride with my homies until I die, you dig, bitch?"

"…What?"

"Imma gonna bust outta here now." With that, Red headed for the door, Paul following lazily at his feet.

Flabbergasted at this child acting like a _total fucking idiot_, Ariana was unable to form words.

For at least three seconds. "Excuse me, what do you think you're doing!?"

"Imma gonna go chill wit mah home boyz, you dig?"

"Why are you talking like you're from the Sevii Islands?!"

"Yo, you can't keep us down. Itz like the Great Bob Marley said, man—"

"Who cares about that stoner?!" Ariana was quickly losing her patience. "Sit back down, boy. Now."

"You cannat keep us down, yo!"

"Fine. Leave." Ariana was getting sick of the freak anyways. "But leave the Slowpoke here. Idiot."

Red looked down the mutant crossbreed hippo and it looked back, blinking each eye slowly. Then it downed the rest of the 'jelly donut' in one gulp, belched and scratched its ass.

In that moment, Red decided its fate.

"No."

"What?" Ariana decided then that she would beat this idiotic child into submission. "I will not stand for your impudence. Return the Pokemon or I'll—We'll flatten you."

Red looked around the room and scoffed as he released his Pokemon. "What? With all of your Ekans, Koffings, Zubats and Meowths?"

"Yes," Ariana countered as she released her Pokemon, a menacing purple snake that Red would later learn in his Pokedex was an Arbok. The other grunts followed by releasing their Pokemon as well. "With _all of our_ Ekans, Koffings, Zubats and Meowths. Oh, and Slowpokes."

It was a little unnerving how all of the Pokemon managed to fit into that room. There must have been more than eighty assorted creatures surrounding Red.

"Well, I may have been mistaken..." Red looked around, but to Ariana's surprise he didn't seem concerned. "Ash, use Ember!"

"Roar!" A blaze of fire left Ash's mouth and flew straight at a Koffing.

The hapless trainer of the Koffing flailed his arms at the sudden attack. "Duhh, Koffing! Use Self-Destruct!" he shouted, thinking this was the smartest decision in his entire life.

"What?!" Ariana exclaimed.

I would once again like to point out that Giovanni doesn't hire these retards. Who would in all honesty?

The Koffing then exploded into a ball of white-hot fire. Its explosion sent its corpse flying around the room like a flaming pinball, wreaking all the furniture and hitting the two-dozen or so other Koffings in the room, causing them to explode.

The force of the combined explosions sent everyone in the room to the ground and many Koffing out the window, where they proceeded to slam into other buildings and promptly exploded upon impact.

Red managed to come around when he heard the explosions from outside and he groaned before standing up. He was soon aware that the building was making a horrible creaking noise. Gathering up his fainted Pokemon in their balls, he ran as fast as he could out of the flaming, collapsing building.

As he got outside, he realized how lucky he was to be even uninjured as the building toppled over into a mound of rubble.

"Oh Birds..." Red's eyes widened as he looked out onto the town, smoldering craters in every building he could see and fires erupting from the residences. "I may have really fucked up this time... Nah, it was all Team Rocket's fault."

Oh, splitting the blame?

"It was their entire fault and I had nothing to do with this."

What an oblivious dumbshit.

As people started running out of their destroyed and burning houses, Red wondered what he should do. As he pondered, he turned his head over to the now destroyed bike shop, where the front window was busted open and the red bike with orange flames now lay. The paint was a little scorched, but the bike was otherwise fine.

Red thought that the scorching only made it look cooler.

"Dibs!" Red crowed as he jumped on the bike and started riding south out of town "Wahahahaha!"

No one in Cerulean City would ever forget that annoying laugh. Not the traumatized Gym Leader who was now questioning everything in her life, not the bike shop owner who would fall into tremendous depression and alcoholism years later for denying the madman a stupid bicycle.

And especially not Ariana, who had managed to avoid much of the self-destructing gas Pokemon by running towards the exit door and being launched outwards by the force. Her uniform was burnt and torn, her red hair now a wild Rattata nest and her make-up was running down her face. Her Arbok also managed to make it out by being knocked out a window by a Koffing, a nasty gash running down the serpent's hood. It slithered over to her in pain and hissed towards the demolished base.

Ariana could only sit on her ass, her face a cold, stony mask. She had always been a rational woman who would always make future plans in her head so that she always knew what her goals were.

At that moment, she had devised a plan that would consume her subconscious for the rest of her life.

_First I must inform Archer and Giovanni himself if possible about what has happened. Then I shall head back to our Saffron operation and wait for Giovanni's word to commence the take-over._

_My end goal will be this, even if it ends up killing me: if I ever see that brat again, I will make sure his laughter turns into __**screams**_.

She then stood up, brushed herself off and recalled her Arbok, before releasing a strange black bird from another ball and flying away on it. Pray for that bird's back and wings, it will need those prayers as strength.

* * *

"_I like to ride my bicycle, I like to ride my bike! I like to ride my bicycle, I like to ride it where I liiiike!_" Red was having the time of his young life, barely forgetting that he had completely fainted Pokemon and that a city was burning behind him.

He was currently on Route 5 (not that he knew the name) and was currently pedaling as fast as he could, jumping off the ledges.

He was always unaware that he was running over wild Pokemon that milling about in the grass. His poor singing was so loud it even drowned out a Meowth's pained yowling as he ran over its tail.

_This feels amazing with the wind in my face and jumping over bumps,_ Red thought. _All kids should be able to enjoy this feeling once in their lives._

He then came to the end of the route and he headed into the toll booth, which had a sign that read 'To Saffron City.'

"Saffron City, huh? Guess that's the next place to go," Red said with a shrug. He then hopped off the bike and rolled it into the booth. He saw a tired-looking man in a guard uniform casting a glare at the boy.

Red gave a casual wave as he tried to go past. He was then promptly stopped by the man, who held out a baton.

"Sorry, kid, road's closed," he said bluntly. "I'm on guard duty and I was told nobody gets through until I get the word."

Red's previous happy mood was punched right in the face at this news. "What? That doesn't seem legal or fair! Who told you to bar people from a major city route?"

The guard shrugged. "I dunno, some fat cat who paid up a lot of money to us toll guards to Saffron. We don't get much on a regular paycheck, so this was a welcome cash cow."

"You sir, are a dirty cop," Red said. "You can't just take money from some person who clearly has shady business in the city and keep people from their families and jobs. Now let me through or I'll…"

"You'll do what, kid?" the guard said, brandishing his baton threateningly. "Sick your little pets on me?"

Red realized that all of his team were probably still recovering from the chaotic battle. There was no way to protect himself from police brutality if he kept egging this corrupt cop on. He took a deep breath and sighed. "…Fine. Where am I supposed to go, officer?"

"There's an underground tunnel that leads to Vermilion City around here. It's a bit smelly, but you should fit right in with the hobos and Rattata family. Gahaha!"

Red now understood his dad's mistrust of cops and why he was always screaming "fuck the police" whenever his mom called them on him. He now had a new person on his hit list.

"Why, thank you, Officer," Red said in a fake happy tone. "Gee, I wonder if there's any way I can get you to change your mind about letting me through?"

The guard then looked thoughtful. He rubbed his throat and said, "Well, I am a bit thirsty. Maybe you can get me a tea or something?"

"Fuck you," Red said, hopping onto his bike and pedaling out back to Route 5. "I am no one's errand boy. Get something yourself, jackass."

After the boy left, the guard stood there and looked a bit disappointed. He really was thirsty because the boss who paid him wouldn't allow him to leave his post for anything, not even a drink. He probably would have let Red go on through for some sweet green tea.

_Oh, well_. The guard shrugged and went back to his chair, reading through his adult magazine lazily.

* * *

The Underground Path was a rather creepy place; a manmade tunnel for easy access to Vermilion City. It had fallen into some disrepair over time: the lights ahead were dim and flickered every now and then, giving the place an eerie horror story setting.

A few homeless people lingered in the corners and had set up make-shift homes. A few were roasting a skinny Rattata they caught over a small fire. It was a hard life for a hobo in Kanto; this creepy tunnel offered solace from the wild creatures roaming the fields and from vicious trainers who would challenge someone without a second thought.

That's why these hobos were smart enough to stay far away from raving lunatic on a speeding bicycle. He looked like he was trouble itself.

Red was screaming every obscenity that he knew to the heavens, cursing everyone from shady businessmen to fat bitches trying to keep him down and finally cursing the name of every dirty cop that bowed down to the greedy rich and his dollar.

Red had finally simmered down by the time he exited the tunnel and was back into the outside. It was now late afternoon and several clouds had covered the blue skies, casting a shadow over the route.

"I hope it rains," Red said to no one in particular. "Maybe it will put out all those fires that Team Rocket caused in Cerulean City."

Really, Red? Are you still…oh, never mind. You'll probably never learn anything about taking responsibility for your actions.

Red breezed past trainers and wild Pokemon before they had any time to think of what flashed past them.

He hopped a few ledges and found himself in a new city: Vermilion City. Red finally felt that he reached a proper city. It was paved with cobblestone, all the residences and buildings with exception to the Pokemon Center and Mart were tiled with orange roofs and far ahead Red could see the ocean and a port with several ships docked.

Red really liked the scenic seaside city. He made a promise that he would be a bit more careful not to damage the place so much.

As he walked into the city's boundaries, he turned to look at an old man ordering a gray humanoid-toad crossbreed about as the creature hefted blocks with its scrawny arms.

Red was about to feel sorry for the little mutant child until he pointed his Pokedex at the creature and learned it was a Pokemon. "**Machop, the Superpower Pokemon. Its whole body is composed of muscles. Even though it's the size of a human child, it can hurl 100 grown-ups.**"

"Hurry up, Machop! I want this building to be my magnum opus in architectural history!" the man snapped. The Machop rolled its eyes, but obeyed its master. It really did not want to miss out on dinner again.

Red shook his head at the Frank Lloyd Wright wannabe and headed into the Pokemon Center, making sure to park his cool bike near a bike stand. He did not notice that some people in the Center were on cell phones and frantically telling their relatives to come live with them for a while.

He approached the counter to see another Nurse Joy. This one didn't seem to look at him with a cold or wary glare, but had a perky smile and happy eyes. Pinned to her white apron beneath her nametag was a button that read 'I Heart Arceus!'

_What the hell is Arceus? Some kind of fruit?_ Red thought.

"Well, hello there, young man," she said in a chipper voice. "Are you here to heal your precious Pokemon partners?"

"Uh, yeah. Here you go." Red was unnerved by this happy nurse Pokemon after meeting all those cranky ones, but he gave her his Pokemon regardless.

She bounded to the machine and set the balls down. "Okay, this will only take a jiffy! How are you this fine, fine day?"

Red shrugged. "Can't complain; I got a sick bike and showed the man whose boss. You seem…different than your other sisters."

Joy giggled sweetly. "Well, I have just received wonderful news! That heretical sister of mine in Cerulean is finally getting what she asked for praising a false idol. The Holy Creator Arceus has passed judgment upon her and her town has been brought down by his righteous wrath. That will teach her for idolizing a common creature in Arceus' throne."

"…" Red blinked in silence as Joy stared back with a child-like smile. There was a ding from the healing machine and Joy skipped to the machine to retrieve the balls. She handed them back to their trainer and said, "There, all happy and healthy! We hope to see you again!"

"Yeah…" Red really hoped he didn't see this one again. She seemed even more unhinged than her Cerulean sister spouting off Lord Helix's curses.

As he headed for the doors, he noticed that Joy had slipped a button similar to hers into his hand after returning the balls. He looked back at her. She was still waving and smiling and she called to him, "May Arceus give you light in the darkest of days, young man."

He waved back and headed out before throwing the button into a nearby garbage can.

* * *

Red decided to head back to Route 6 to train up his Pokemon and show off his new bike to the trainers he defeated. He had stopped by the Gym to read the sign: _Lt. Surge, the Lightning Unovan! Go hard or go home, pu—!_

The rest of the sentence was cut off by the plague. You can fill in the blanks.

_This guy seems pretty hardcore and I don't really have a "type advantage" against him,_ Red thought. _And yet his name also sounds familiar…_

Red recalled a time when he would sometimes pass his mother's bedroom and hear her moaning the name to herself. He would even catch her crying sometimes in the kitchen after she had had one too many, her head pressed against the table.

Maybe this Surge guy was an old friend of his parents or something. Red shrugged.

Anyways, he couldn't think about his dysfunctional parents and their friends. He decided to train up his team, including the new recruit Paul.

He went through the weaklings on the route and buffed up Ash, who he figured would be his best bet against the Leader. He even got Guts up to about Level 20 and even leveled up an unusually eager Megalodon, though he figured the Water-type Pokemon didn't need too much training right now, considering their weakness to the Electric-type Leader.

_Huh, Leaf can eat her heart out since I'm so good now._

"Okay, I guess we can try out the Gym. I got enough money to buy some…huh, Moemon Fan Club? What the hell is a 'Moemon;' some kind of new breed?"

Red had headed back into town and spotted a small cottage located near the water with a sign that had happy Pokemon drawn on it and the words "_Moemon Fan Club—All Moemon Fans Welcome!_" scrawled on it.

Red figured he may be able to get another free Pokemon, maybe even one to help him out in the upcoming Gym battle. He wasn't prepared for what he was about to encounter.

The people in the room were sitting around on couches playing on Gameboys and chatting about silly things like "waifu/husbando" material or who the best girl was Gothitelle or Gardevoir. The females in the room were all wearing furry ears or tails and a lot of the guys were what Red would define as "mouth-breathing basement-dwellers."

His words, not mine.

_Ugh, is this a furry fan club?_ Red thought with a shiver as the members turned to him with questioning looks. He gave them a short wave to show he meant them no harm.

"Uh, hey guys. Is there…uh, a president or whatever I can talk to?"

"Right here, old sport." Red turned to see an older gentleman sitting on a cozy chair. The boy was surprised that this rather well-kept man was wasting his time with a bunch of furry nerds.

"Oh, uh, hey man. So, uh…what the hell is this place?" Red asked, coming up the man. The members all went back to their games and conversations, though a few shyly looked at Red.

The old man chuckled. "Old sport, we live in a world of strange creatures, some with even human characteristics. I managed to collect the data of many Pokemon from all regions and created the hit game "Moemon"—Pokemon personified as cute girls or pretty boys. I even head the fan club for the game."

"Ah, okay, furry fetish game, I get it," Red said with an affirmative nod. A few of the members cast an evil look at the derisive name. "So do I get a free Pokemon or whatever?"

"Well, if you'll let me talk about my wonderful Pokemon, I might give you _a very helpful TM_, get my drift?"

Red's brain focused really hard to grasp the chairman's hint, but then something in his brain clicked. "Oh, yeah, yeah! Tell me all about your amazing Pokemon, old man! I'd _love_ to hear all about it!"

The chairman chuckled. "Very well, if you insist, old sport. Listen up: my Rapidash Firenze…It...cute...lovely... smart...plus...amazing...you think so? Oh yes...it...stunning... kindly...love it! Hug it...when...sleeping...warm and cuddly... spectacular...ravishing..."

Red tuned out most of the speech except for the suggestive words that could allude to something more if it was out of context. Truly he is a boy with his mind in the gutter.

Red just figured the old guy was just a pervert who wanted to make a game where you can catch and tame hot anthros for other perverts and dweebs who had no drive to _actually_ catch real Pokemon and be trainers.

"Oops! Look at the time! Here, you can have this for putting up with me." The chairman then handed Red a yellow disc with the words 'TM28-Dig' on the top.

"I give that thing out to all potential challengers of Surge as payback to him for dismissing my fans as freaks of nature. Thanks for not judging us too much."

Red shrugged as he slipped the disc into his bag. "Nah, I don't care what you guys do as long as you aren't actually, you know, _fucking_ real Pokemon or anything like that."

One member, a particularly chubby guy with a neck-beard and oil blonde hair, darted his eyes from left to right after hearing that. He coughed and went back to drawing his perfect waifu Vaporeon.

The old man laughed and waved goodbye to the boy who headed out the door. "Take care, old sport!"

After Red left, one of the girls with hot pink cat ears and tail turned to her friend, who wore black fox ears and tail, and said, "You know, he'd be much more kawaii if he was dressed up like a Pokemon."

"Oh-em-gee, Crissy, you're so right! I'll get out my drawing pad and draw him like a Pikachu Gijinka! Sugoi~!"

Someone hand me a barf bag, please.

* * *

Red was inspecting the TM curiously, a bit perplexed how it worked. He hoped that this case came with instructions on how a Pokemon learned a move, or else he would end up jamming it into his Pokemon's head.

Thankfully he had found a short step-by-step instruction on the back, which said it was compatible with most devices including…Pokedexes! Seriously, that is just too convenient; does Professor Oak just know how to solve everyone's dilemmas even though he's lost a few marbles?

Anyways, Red just followed the directions: he slipped the disc into a top slot of the Pokedex and the screen booted up.

**Notice: **Ash is trying to learn the move **Dig**, but can only learn four moves. Which move should be forgotten?

Red grumbled how stupid that still was to him, but he chose SmokeScreen and pushed the green button to confirm it.

Congratulations, you're Ash has forgotten **SmokeScreen** and learned **Dig**!

"Roar!" Ash cheered, throwing her arms up in victory. Guts scoffed; he could probably dig much better than his reptilian friend. Megalodon and Paul just stared vacantly out into space.

"Alright, team, I think we can handle this Lt. Surge now!"

"Somebody call for me?"

Red looked up in surprise at the man leaning against a pier, sipping from a can of beer.

He had buzz-cut blonde hair and wearing green army fatigues with lightning bolt patches on the shoulders. From the look of his eyes Red could tell this guy had seen some major shit in his life.

"Wait…you're Surge?"

"That's Lieutenant Surge to you, you little shit! Stand at attention to your commanding officer!" the man shouted in his best drill.

Normally Red would have told this guy to go fornicate himself crudely, but that commanding tone forced him and his entire team, with exception to Paul and Megalodon, to stand at attention like good cadets.

"Sir, yes sir!"

Surge then slapped his forehead and muttered, "Shit, I got remember I ain't in the military any more. Damn PTSD. At ease, son. So you're here to challenge my Gym, eh?"

Red and his team rest easy, though the boy was still on edge. "Um, yeah—I mean, yes sir."

"Well, I'm eager for a challenge. I just came out to the pier to watch that little scamp. Look, there she is now!"

Surge pointed out into the rolling waves and Red followed the finger to catch an odd sight.

Out in the water was a yellow rodent with pointy ears, red cheeks and a tail shaped like a jagged lightning bolt. It was currently surfing on a make-shift board and having the time of its life.

"…I want that," Red murmured to himself as he watched the creature deftly stay on the board while shocking hapless Magikarp herds for its entertainment.

The boy listened to Surge explain the strange sight. "That is a surfing Pikachu. I nearly pissed myself from laughter when I first spotted her in the water. Imagine that, huh? I tried catching her, but she was way too feisty for me."

"…A Pikachu, huh?" Red said, aiming his Pokedex at the thing. It had some trouble reading the data due to how far the Pikachu was, but it managed to catch it.

"**Pikachu, the Mouse Pokemon. It keeps its tail raised to monitor its surroundings. If you yank its tail, it will try to shock you.**"

"Yep, Pikachu are alright little guys, a hit with the ladies," Surge rambled, unaware that Red had picked up Megalodon, who looked in rather poor shape. Well, poorer than it already was anyways. His scales had dulled to almost a light blue and its eyes had a rather mad tinge to them.

"But its evolution, Raichu, is awesome. A bit of a glass cannon, but a speed demon who gets the upper hand by hitting first and frying its foes. I tell you, kid, Electric-type Pokemon saved my life during the Great War. Lost a lot of good men to that war: Billy Ray, Luke, Duke, Goose...great guys, guys you could have a beer with. I had a Voltorb gun that would explode on contact. Everyone should have a Voltorb gun…Kid, what're you doing?"

"Megalodon, bring me that Pikachu or I'll turn you into sushi!" Red shouted. He had been waiting for a moment when the Pikachu had gotten close enough to hurl Megalodon. He aimed back and let the fish loose.

Megalodon used all its force to slam into the cute critter. He managed to knock her off the board with a yelp and both tumbled into the waves.

Surge looked out as the Pikachu crawled back onto the board and shook a curled fist at the humans. He looked at Red and said to him frankly, "Kid, are you legitimately retarded?"

Red did not answer as he saw bubbles and a glowing light rise from behind the Pikachu. The yellow Pokemon looked at it before she was pushed back by the parting waves.

What arose from the depths was something from an epic story or the nightmares of a child. It was a giant sea serpent with a cruel face and white spikes protruding from its back.

You would never think that this behemoth was once the pathetic Magikarp known as Megalodon. He could finally live up to his namesake.

Surge and the Pikachu's jaws were agape as the monster leered at its prey with red eyes.

"…" Red was speechless, a blank look of shock and awe on his face. He held up the Pokedex and heard the robotic voice say, "**Gyarados, the Atrocious Pokemon. Rarely seen in the wild. Huge and vicious, it is capable of destroying entire cities in a rage.**"

"Praise the Fish! For in its scales you will find victory!" Red's face slowly broke into a grin only a thirteen-year old boy who just got his hands on a beast could make and shouted at his Megalodon, "Go forth, O Mighty Beast From the Deep, and bring me that rodent!

Megalodon let out a mighty roar that shook the residents of the city and he plunged towards the frightened Pikachu.

She made a quick leap from her board and appeared to glide towards the dock, though no one particularly noticed this as they were too busy focusing on the monster that had torn the surfboard apart with his jaws.

The Pikachu had landed right near the dock's edge but slipped off into the water. She chittered nervously as she tried climbing up the poles, paddling hard for her life. She looked up at Red and Surge with sad eyes before she let out a startled "Pika!"

She was now rising to Red's height as Megalodon was raising her up on his head. He growled menacingly, warning the yellow mouse from trying to jump off.

The poor Pikachu was too scared to move or attack; she just sat there on the Gyarados' head shivering pathetically.

Red smiled at her and tapped an empty Pokeball on her. The Pikachu was absorbed into the ball and didn't even try to fight its way out.

Red nodded in satisfaction and pocketed his new Pokemon. He then scratched Megalodon's head affectionately. The beast uttered a low growl, happy that he could finally please his insane master. Ash and Guts were letting out congratulatory cries for their underdog friend; Paul just sat there with his mouth open, catching flies.

Red then recalled his team into their balls and turned to Surge, who was staring at him with an astonished face.

"That's right. I wrecked that goddamn rodent with a _fish_." He then walked away, before pausing giving Surge a small salute. "Sir."

Surge stared at the boy's receding figure before crushing the empty beer can in his hand and discarding it to the ground.

"Dear Gods, that boy reminds me of that sonuvabitch who stole my best girl," he murmured. He then marched towards his Gym. "I best start making preparations in the Gym before that brat arrives. He's the type that draws trouble to him like a Magnemite."

* * *

Red's Team

**Ash – Level 23**

Charmeleon, Female

-Mega Punch

-Dig

-Iron Tail

-Ember

-Ability: Blaze

**Guts – Level 20**

Butterfree, Male

-Tackle

-PoisonPowder

-Confusion

-Stun Spore

-Ability: Compound Eyes

**Megalodon – Level 20**

Gyarados, Male

-Splash

-Tackle

-Bite

-Thrash

-Ability: Swift Swim

**Paul – Level 17**

Slowpoke, Male

-Curse

-Confusion

-Yawn

-Water Gun

-Ability: Own Tempo

**Pikachu (name to be determined) – Level 20**

Female

-Surf

-Fly

-?

-?

* * *

_Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures": Leaf and Blue make their way towards Vermilion City, hoping not to run into the ticking time bomb known as Red. What hijinks will they get up to? Find out next chapter!_

**AN: Hey, faithful followers, TheWordSmith26 here! I hope you all liked this new chapter. I would like your help in deciding the name for Red's new Pikachu captive...I mean, friend. If there isn't a decision by the time of Chapter 11 (Red's next POV chapter), me and Fetch will come up with something. Thanks for all the support for the story and I'll see you next chapter! Stay classy, !**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in chapter updates. Computer problems and school, what can you do? Hope you enjoy the chapter, and the nae of Red's Pikachu will be revealed next time.**

**Disclaimer: I only own my imagination; Pokemon and all other references belong to their rightful owners.**

* * *

Chapter 10 – I'm On-A Boat Motherf***ers

"Vermilion appears to be in one piece, by some miracle or another," Leaf said, a smile crossing her face. She couldn't help but feel relieved as she and her traveling partner ambled into the waterfront city; it seemed the Human Hurricane hadn't blown through and ruined countless lives in his wake to become the very best, like no one ever was.

"Knowing that moron, he's probably challenged the Gym by now. If we're lucky he's either defeated it with no problems, or he lost and is training somewhere else," Blue said with a shrug.

You know, it's pretty sad that these kids have come to accept and understand a budding psychopath's actions, and they aren't completely fazed by it. The tragedy of a city's destruction will do that to you, I suppose.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Leaf asked as they headed for the Pokemon Center. "Are you going to challenge the Gym right now?"

As they entered and approached the counter of the very peppy Nurse Joy, Blue replied, "Actually, don't we have those tickets Bill gave us to the S.S. Anne? I think that it's here in the dock."

"That is correct, young man," Joy said happily, taking the balls from the patrons. "The S.S. Anne is preparing for her maiden voyage to Hoenn today and they are having an exquisite party before sailing off. I believe it has started already."

Leaf took the balls back and put them away before pulling out her ticket. It had the time and location of the party printed on it. She was a bit disappointed that she would only be able to attend the party and not actually sail off to Hoenn. _Perhaps I'll get my chance to explore Hoenn one day_, she thought.

"You want to get free drinks and maybe challenge spoiled rich people to Pokemon battles?" Blue asked as Leaf quickly used the PC Box to deposit her Clefairy and retrieve her brand new Eevee.

"Why not? It might be fun and as the cool kids say, 'YOLO swag, nerds'!" Leaf said, throwing up a peace sign at Blue.

He could only stare at the sheer uncoolness that was the girl named Leaf. She was an incapable of being saved from her nerdiness.

"Thank you, and remember that Arceus punishes sinners who do not abstain from lust," Joy said to the two departing children, who paid her no mind.

As they left the Center, they noticed that she had slipped them buttons with 'I Arceus' buttons and Blue a box of condoms. They promptly threw these unwelcome gifts into the trash can nearby.

* * *

Leaf looked at the daunting sight of the S.S. Anne before her as the two walked onto the pier. It was a brilliant white color and consisted of many round windows on the side of the ship. She could hear the distant boom of music and raucous laughter from the upper deck above.

"Huh, sounds like a pretty good time going on up there," Blue said before walking towards the bouncer near the platform. "You coming or not, Leafy Green?"

Leaf pouted at him, but gulped as she approached the bouncer and handed him her ticket. She had never been to a party with exception to the work socials her parents would sometimes bring her to, though she figured those parties were vastly different than the one being held on the cruise ship.

Well, she figured as long as she stuck by Blue she'd be alright in this new social habitat. He seemed like the type to get invited to parties a lot, forgetting that he was from a hick town with few people and his only friend was a weirdo.

"Tickets, please," the bouncer said. Leaf and Blue handed over the tiny slips and the man looked them over. "So, Bill and his date, eh? You're a lot younger than I remembered."

Leaf was about to open her big fat know-it-all mouth to correct the man's misunderstanding of their identities, but Blue nudged her roughly and said to the bouncer, "Yep, I get that a lot. Come along, dear, or we'll miss all the good food."

He took Leaf by the arm and hurried in before the bouncer could talk to them any longer. The bouncer waved before going back to his post.

"Huh, how come nerds get all the ladies?" the bouncer mused and folded his arms. Maybe if you stopped smelling like fish and abstained from using cheesy pick-up lines you would have more luck with the ladies, good sir.

* * *

Leaf gazed around and took in the sights around her. Now that they were actually inside the ship the music coming from above them was much louder, banging on their eardrums. From behind some of the doors were muffled laughter and moans, which the children tried not to think about what was occurring in those rooms too much. Some parts of the wooden floor and the walls around them were covered with drink stains and...

"Is that vomit?" Leaf said, gagging and covering her nose. Blue scrunched up his nose in distaste. So it would be _that_ kind of party, Blue thought. He recalled how the older kids would get crazy and try to vandalize his grandpa's house. Those were bad nights with Oak running out half-naked swinging his cane at miscreants.

"Do you think there are some trainers behind these doors?" Leaf said, knocking on one of the doors.

"Who knows? Just don't accept any drinks from strangers and keep your valuables near you at all times…What the hell?!"

Blue's shock came from the door being opened by a frazzled-looking young man who seemed unable to stand still for a second.

Behind him were several other people crowded around a table, sniffing a white powder with straws into their noses.

"Hey, kids! You ready to partaaay with the grown-ups?" the man said, his shoulder twitching for a bit.

"Blue, why are these people snorting powdered sugar into their noses?" Leaf asked her companion. "Is this what 'cool kids' do in their spare time? No wonder their grades are so poor if they inhale confectionary ingredients into their systems."

"…Leaf, that's not sugar, its cocaine. They're getting high off cocaine."

Leaf's eyes widened. "Isn't that illegal? Shouldn't the police be aware of this blatant drug abuse?"

The man laughed in a high-pitched tone, similar to a hyena who sniffed a container of helium and said, "Hey, the cops are plenty aware of our party; I'm one of them! No one can stop me!"

The man then unleashed several spasms as a trail of blood leaked from his nose and he fell backwards. This act caused much delight in his coked-up friends, who began to laugh hysterically.

Blue just closed the door and the two began to walk off as Leaf said, "Well, if that repulsive display doesn't scare people away from drugs, then I don't know what will."

"You party hard you die hard, as my sister always told me," Blue said. "Come on, surely not everyone on this ship is a druggie."

The two continued to meet strange and colorful characters while exploring the ship. They were challenged to a few battles from rich gentleman and their families who would dish out a lot of money to the trainers.

While it was reassuring to have normal people on board, most of the young adults who were invited to the party were out of control, often very high or drunk. It was often easy to defeat them in battles, as the opponents would fall into unconsciousness or throw up violently onto their poor Pokemon who were too traumatized by gunk in their fur to battle.

Crazy partiers and families hiding out in their cabins weren't the only people they met. They had wandered down into the basement where much of the crew were downstairs having a party of their own: they were swigging cheap alcohol and one of the sailors was playing a lively tune on an accordion as his mates sang bawdy songs and danced jigs.

"They seem to be having a good time," Leaf said, bobbing her head to the happy tune.

The music and jovial died down when the sailors caught sight of the kids, who they began to circle around.

"Well, lookie here, mateys. A bunch of the rich brats have come down to keep us company for a bit," one of them said with a sneer.

"You kids wanna have a go at a Pokemon battle? We're not going down easily, you know," another one said with a cigarette in his mouth.

Leaf set her hands onto her hips and put on an indignant scowl. "I'm sorry if the upper-class have treated you poorly, but that is no reason to threaten two innocent people like common thugs. I'll have you know I've won _two_ Gym Badges…and my friend here has, too."

Blue just rolled his eyes at the bragging as Leaf brought out Bloom and added as bravely as she could, "So, as the saying goes, come at us, bros!"

"Saur!" Bloom cried, getting into a battle position.

The sailors paused for a second before letting out uproarious laughter at the girl's bravado.

"You hear that, Huey? We got a spunky one here!"

"Hey, ginger, you wouldn't mind if we borrow your girlfriend for a while?"

Leaf's face turned red in anger and embarrassment, though Blue just made a flippant gesture with his hand.

"She's not my girlfriend, but I thought you sailors were only interested in strapping young cabin boys and getting real close swabbing each other's poop decks, if you get my drift."

Leaf's anger passed as she let out a stifled fit of laughter at the insult. The sailors became indignant at the mere hint of questioning their sexuality, though a sailor who stood behind the two couldn't help but laugh at these kids' pluck.

"I like feisty kids like you!" he said before slapping both of their asses with great smacks.

This would prove to be a fatal mistake on his part as neither Leaf nor Blue took kindly to being harassed in such a manner.

The kids quickly turned around and landed punches right to the sailor's face. The surprise attack and the sheer force of the righteous punches left the sailor on the floor holding a bloody nose.

The rest of the sailors grabbed their Pokeballs as the kids turned to them with fire in their eyes, both of them only saying one sentence:

"Let's go."

The battle had been quite swift thanks to Leaf's advantage over the sailor's Water-type Pokemon. The men had to admit defeat and pay their dues to the children.

As the men went away licking their wounds with booze and song, Blue and Leaf headed up the stairs, finding nothing else down in the basement except men who got owned by a bunch of teens.

"Well, this party's turning out to be a bust," Blue said. "No wonder Bill didn't want to come to this. Want to grab some free food and split?"

"Sounds good to me," Leaf said as they headed up the stairs.

Suddenly, an ear-piercing boom was hear, like a detonation of a bomb. Passengers threw themselves to the ground, while the druggies started freaking out, screaming how the "pigs would never put them down" or some other such rot.

Blue and Leaf quickly climbed up to the second floor and walked towards the outside deck, where they saw there was at least no damage to the boat. However, they came to see the familiar sight of a smoke cloud rising from a nearby town.

"So…" Blue began, "It seems like Red's having a crazy party too—"

Leaf then stomped her foot and said, "No, we cannot always assume it's _him_. That is unhealthy thinking which will only make us paranoid for no reason. It was probably a small earthquake; Kanto has plenty of them every now and then. Perfectly natural and reasonable."

"Sure, whatever," Blue said with a shrug. He'd let her play dumb if she wanted. "Let's head out on the deck; I think I see a buffet out there."

With that, the two pushed thoughts of Red out of their minds and headed for some free food.

The deck was much more refined with the older generation keeping the younger ones in check while they weren't in their rooms. While there was some tipsy guests and the music was contemporary pop music, there was no one doing lines of coke or being outright lewd.

The best part about the party was definitely the food. It was almost too good for this crowd of charlatans, Leaf thought to herself as she gazed at the scrumptious plates and displays.

Leaf was on her third Pierogi and fourth cannoli when Blue said to her, "I heard that the captain of the ship is a Cut master. He's in his office right now preparing to set off, wanna go meet him?"

Leaf shrugged before shoving both food items into her mouth, puffing out her cheeks like a cute hamster and swallowed her food in two bites.

Hold the goddamn phone here. What in the hell is a "Cut master?" Is that a title? A job description? What does he do all day, cut trees? How is he at all useful to society?

Wait. Pokemon economy. Never mind.

"Let's be off and see this so-called Cut master then," Leaf said as the two headed through the door and were directed towards the captain's office.

From inside they could hear belching and retching. They looked at each other in concern before throwing caution to the wind and Leaf knocked on the door.

"Wha—who's there?" a rough voice shouted from the other side.

"Um, sir, we're sorry to bother you but we heard you were the Cut master?" Leaf inquired politely.

"Arr, come on in then," the voice said.

Both shrugged to each other and they walked into the small office. It was a modest-sized room with some book shelves and a brown desk with several charts and cartography tools laid out.

Sitting at the chair was a middle-aged man with gray hair, a hardened face and wearing a white captain uniform. Leaf took note that there were several bottles lying by the man's feet and the smell of whiskey was quite pungent in the room.

The man nodded to the children as they walked in and said to them, "So you came to see my Cut technique, eh? Watch closely."

He grabbed an unopened bottle and held it tightly in his right hand. Then, with his left hand raised, he swiped the left hand towards the bottle's neck and perfectly sliced it right off.

Leaf felt her jaw hit the floor. She could not believe what she had seen, as cliché as that sounds. She was expecting someone skilled with a blade, perhaps a knife or even garden hedges, but with one's own hand?

"How did you…That can't be possible!" Leaf sputtered. Blue whistled and looked at the hacked off bottle top.

The captain took a long, hearty swig from the bottle and wiped his sleeve across his mouth. "I used that technique to hack through the jungles of Hoenn and the Sevii Islands before it was colonized. Dear Moltres, how I wish for those days of adventure instead of dragging spoiled brats across the ocean. Tch, just let me go down in a blaze of glory already!"

"Hey, do you think you can teach us how to do that?" Blue asked.

The captain let out a raucous chuckle. "Harr, harr. You two landlubbers probably couldn't defeat a Magikarp with your bare hands. This skill took years to perfect; you can't just learn it. But I can give you the HM for Cut. You can teach a Pokemon how to cut down trees, bushes, maybe even steel poles."

He handed the kids two CDs with 'Cut' written in faded print. "Now unless you're passengers aboard the ship, you two got to get back on land so I can set sail for Hoenn. This'll be my last trip, so I'm gonna make it count."

"You take care, sir," Leaf said, a bit concerned by his heavy drinking and retching. Sure, he could slice things up with his hands and was an experienced sailor, but it was not the smartest decision to drive a boat when inebriated.

Blue gave a salute. "You tame those wild seas, old man. Smell you later."

As the two kids ambled out the door, the captain threw the bottle he was holding to the ground and started into another one, mumbling something about the good old days of sailing and adventure.

Old farts tend to ramble about their meaningless pasts. Try to get used to it.

* * *

"**Fuck yeah!**" a shirtless man holding a shot glass and several party beads around his neck shouted over the bellowing of the ship's horn. The ship was departing from the harbor with some speed.

Blue and Leaf, along with other party-only patrons, were waving their goodbyes to the people on deck and giving hearty cheers.

"We party hard until the day we die! Whoo!" the man shouted back, pumping his fists into the air and eliciting cheers from his companions.

Unknown to anyone on the ship or on land this man had predicted his and the other passengers' deaths. In the span of thirteen days, the captain (with many eyewitness reports claiming he was very intoxicated) drove the cruiser into a pod of Wailer who did not appreciate the loud, dirty ship and its inhabitants. They would attack the ship without mercy and the ship went down in ruins within hours.

Only a few survivors made it out in the life boats: many of the hard partiers would be eaten by Sharpedo after trying to swim on top of them failed miserably. The captain disappeared and would be presumed dead; the entire crew perished below the decks, drunk off cheap whiskey.

Of course, our two heroes would have no knowledge of this and were just happy to be off that crazy ship. Besides they had other pressing matters to attend to, the most pressing one being that there were some emergency vehicles nearby the Gym.

"Please, please let it be earthquake damage…" Leaf begged.

Unfortunately for the girl, it was the one person she didn't want to see: Red. He was wearing think gloves and a white face mask, clearing up rubble into trucks along with a weary Machop. The old man overseeing this clean-up looked quite cross while several people, some dressed in Pokemon ears, were either sobbing uncontrollably into their hands or glaring daggers at Red.

The young trainer did not look pleased as he cleaned up the mess, his Pokemon helping him out the best they could.

Leaf just slapped a palm onto her face and groaned. Blue however grinned cheekily and swaggered up to his neighbor. Red caught sight of him and glared at the spiky-haired youth.

"Geez, blowing up a town wasn't good enough for you, you also had to bomb a geek convention. How've you been, Red? I see you added two more Badges to your collection. Congrats, man, I didn't think a dumbass like you could actually get past Brock."

"Shut up, Blue. You're just jealous because I'm better at Pokemon than you," Red said.

Leaf put a hand on her hip and scoffed. "You may be getting better, but I'm positive it's just you're ridiculous amounts of luck and you're magnetism towards absurdity."

"…Stop using big words to sound smart, boobs," Red said.

The man, who was the owner of the Pokemon Fan Club, then said to Red, "Enough of your chatter, old sport. As ordered by Lieutenant Surge and myself, you will not be allowed to leave this city until you help with the clean-up as payment."

"Come on, doesn't giving you all of my money count as enough payment?!" Red complained.

"Hmph, as if that penny change would help in damages. Your refusal to give up your bike has led you to community service. Be glad we don't have you arrested for reckless endangerment and destruction of property."

"Hey, about Surge, is his Gym still operational right now or did Red mess it all up?" Blue asked.

The old man shrugged and pointed to a moderate-sized hole in the back of the Gym. "There's some damage, but Surge said he's still running the Gym. He is an experienced war vet, so there's no reason why he wouldn't stop his battles because of some wall damage."

Blue looked at Leaf. "So ladies first?"

Leaf bit a fingernail in contemplation. "Well, I usually wouldn't mind but I don't have anything of a type advantage against this guy. Ground-type beats Electric, but my Sandshrew doesn't know anything so…"

"Oh, I have one more TM for 'Dig' but you'll have to decide which one gets it," the fan club president said, pulling a TM CD from his coat pocket.

Blue and Leaf looked at one another before whipping out their hands, pounding their fists into their palms and saying, "Fire, Water, Grass…Shoot!"

Solving a dilemma by playing a children's hand game; how old are you two, like five years old? Couldn't you have just talked it out like responsible young people?

Well, anyways, Leaf won the battle by throwing 'Water' while Blue threw 'Fire.'

"Yes! Thank you, sir," Leaf said proudly, accepting her prize. Even in games of "Fire, Water, Grass" she was still eager to rise above the challenge.

Blue couldn't care less about not getting the TM. "Whatever. I bet you I can't still beat the Gym without any advantages."

"Prove it then," Leaf said pompously as she sent out Walker and taught him the new move. _This STAB boost from his Ground-typing will be my major advantage. I'll even let Blue go first just to see him fail, ohohohoho!_

"Seriously, try to keep your laughter to yourself; you'll scare away potential boyfriends," Blue said.

Leaf gritted her teeth as Blue smirked and said, "Fine. Here's the deal; if I win on my first try, you have to do me a favor. If I don't, you can have all my money."

"Deal!" Leaf said, taking Blue's hand and shaking it without a second thought. As if this idiot could beat a seasoned fighter and Gym Leader without any strategy or special moves.

As the two headed for the Gym, Red started to shout at them before he was swatted furiously by two nerd chicks and yelled at to get back to work.

_At least we won't have to worry about that idiot for a while, _Leaf thought as she headed into the hole following after Blue.

* * *

"Not bad, kiddo! You have the makings of a good soldier!" Surge complimented as he recalled his fainted Raichu into the ball and approached the victorious Blue.

Leaf could only stare with an open mouth. He…actually won? Without any strategy or special move? It was true he was a good trainer, but he had no Pokemon with a type-advantage over Electric-types and most of the Pokemon he used were quite under-leveled.

He was even able to evolve his Abra into a Kadabra during one of the Gym trainer battles, which significantly helped him in the battle with Surge when he couldn't use his Wartortle or Pidgeotto.

Even that pathetic little Rattata was now a Raticate that ripped apart Pikachu and most of Raichu before getting knocked out. She was seriously starting to second guess herself as Blue accepted the Badge and TM.

She then looked at Blue, her face somewhat red from humility. "Well, that…was a wonderful battle. You certainly have a good grasp on battling and luck seems to be on your side."

"Thanks, Leafy," Blue said. "Now for my favor. Are you ready?"

Leaf sighed. "As ready as I'll ever be. What is it? A Pokemon trade or something? Maybe you want to humiliate me like Red did."

Blue shrugged. "Just take off your hat."

"…What?"

"Take the hat off. Don't ask too many questions all the time."

Leaf rolled her eyes, but obeyed and took off her white hat. "There, now why would you want me to—Hey!"

Blue then proceeded to put his hand on her head and proceeded to pat it. "You shouldn't worry so much. If I can beat this guy, then you can as well. Good luck, Leafy Green."

Leaf just pouted at him slightly as he removed his hand. She placed her hat back on and folded her arms. "Hmph. Thanks for the encouragement, but words mean nothing to a specialist like me."

Blue chuckled before heading for the entrance and giving a slight hand wave. "Smell you later, Leafy!"

She just stuck out a tongue at his receding back before turning to Lt. Surge. "I suppose you and your trainers need to rest up your Pokemon before I challenge you?"

Surge nodded. "Affirmative, young lady. Dammit, I keep getting pounded by young punks today. Maybe I'm losing my edge…Well, anyways, you should stock up on some supplies and then head on back. We'll be ready to take your challenge."

Leaf nodded before she headed the exit. Surge stopped her and pointed to the new hole. "You can take the shortcut if you want, miss."

"…No thank you. I'll use the door like a regular person." With that she headed past a few garbage bins and out the doors.

* * *

Leaf made sure to buy extra Paralyze Heals and then headed back for the Gym. She even managed to make a rare trade with a girl giving away a brown bird holding a leek between its feathers.

She bid farewell to her Spearow Wing and accepted the new Pokemon which the Pokedex identified as a Farfetch'd named Dux.

"What a classy nickname," Leaf mumbled to herself as she walked away from the trainer. "Well, I won't be using this guy much anyways. Here, take an HM, Dux."

"Quack!" Dux said as he learned Cut. He swung his leek around before slicing the tops of a few bushes.

Leaf blinked. "Well, it looks like the captain isn't the only one with special cutting abilities. I'll try not to question how a vegetable can cut down trees." And with that she proceeded to box the duck Pokemon.

Going through the Gym was simple for Leaf. She said hello to Clyde at the front and managed to go through all three of the Gym Trainers, men who had worked with Surge in his military days. They all looked a bit weary and a tad jumpy.

The puzzle of the Gym was slightly difficult: there were two bars of electric currents barring the way to Surge and the only way to unlock them according to Clyde was to find two switches in numerous garbage bins. If you couldn't find a switch, then the puzzle would restart.

"Hmph, how that idiot Red ever solved his puzzle by himself will forever puzzle me. Heh, heh, get it?" she said to her Pokemon Walker, Bloom, Hazel and Cyan who were walking by her side as her main Pokemon for the upcoming fight. "I said…puzzle and we're…figuring out a…puzzle."

Bloom and Hazel just shook their heads while Walker, now a larger version of himself with brown spikes called Sandslash, just stared at his trainer and blinked, cocking his head to the side; he wasn't the brightest mind on the team.

Cyan, always eager to please her master, just clapped her forepaws and smiled up at Leaf.

Leaf just sighed and mumbled, "Never mind. I've already figured out the solution to this elementary problem."

After a few trial and errors, Leaf realized that the second switch would somehow always be to the right of where she found the first switch. With that she was able to shut down the gates and head on through to Surge's arena.

The man had been busy emptying what appeared to be large Pokeballs from a large machine gun and place them on a tray.

Leaf managed to hear him grumble, "I guess I shouldn't leave this lying around. Now I'll never hear the end of it from those Pokemon-cuddling freaks."

He then took notice of Leaf and grinned. "Well, looks like you came back after all. I didn't think a little girl like you would have the guts to face me."

"Hmph, big words from a man who got beaten by two young boys all in the same day."

Surge felt a nerve twitch in his head but he let out a short laugh in response. "Hah, ha. You have a sharp tongue, girl, but I bet you wouldn't last two minutes in basic training, let alone a battlefield."

"Well, good thing I don't have to worry about going to war. Now, why don't we get this battle started?" Leaf said impatiently, sending out Walker.

"Smartass bitch…Alright then, just don't cry when I teach you some respect. Go, Voltorb!"

Surge sent out his first Pokemon, a Pokeball with angry eyes.

"**Voltorb, the Ball Pokemon. A life-form whose identity is unknown. It is said to screech or suddenly self-destruct**."

"Uhh, are you sure that thing is safe to use?" Leaf said warily, eyeing the Voltorb. She had a sneaking suspicion that the living Pokeball was responsible for the massive damage.

"Yeah, yeah; these little guys aren't so bad when it's only one of them," Surge said, waving his hand carelessly. "Now, Voltorb, use Sonicboom!"

"Skree!" the Voltorb managed to cry out despite its apparent lack of a mouth and shot out a stream of sound waves.

The wave hit Walker directly in the face and caused the Sandslash quite some amount of pain.

"Hang in there, Walker. Use Dig!" Leaf ordered.

Walker obeyed and shot down into the ground, digging up a small hole with his large claws.

"Shit, another digger!? Voltorb, hit it with another Sonicboom!" But it was too late, as the pulsating waves missed the brown creature. Walker appeared right above the round Pokemon and sucker-punched it right in the face.

The ball had closed its eyes, indicating that it had fainted, though its body began to tremble and it began to glow.

"Oh crap, Walker get underground! Hurry!" Leaf said in a panic. Walker would have sat there staring at the pretty light had it not been for Leaf's desperate order.

He avoided being hit by the force of the ball blowing up and the pieces of red and white shrapnel that scattered around the small area.

While it was a smaller explosion than what Leaf was expecting (it was certainly nothing compared to what happened in Cerulean City), she was still disturbed that a Pokemon had just destroyed itself just because it was knocked out by a move.

As Walker crawled back to Leaf's ankles, Surge then piped up, "And that young lady is what happens when you agitate a Voltorb and its evolution Electrode enough. Rest in peace, Voltorb #1,235, you will be missed."

"…"

Leaf had no words to say to the sheer callousness of Surge and called back Walker, seeing that he was injured from the Sonicboom.

"Bloom, go out there and stall while I heal Walker," Leaf said.

"Go, Pikachu!" The yellow mouse Pokemon was sent out with an excitable squeak.

Leaf's eyes widened. "Aww, so cute! Where can I get one of those?"

_Heh, what'd I tell that kid? Chicks dig Pikachus_, Surge thought. It was too bad that this opponent was way too young for him; maybe in five or six years…

"Bloom, Leech Seed!"

Surge was brought out of his dirty old man thoughts when his Pikachu became wrapped up in green vines. The yellow rodent tried to shake them off, but they only curled tighter around his ankles.

"Shit, a surprise attack!?" Surge yelled. "Pikachu, use Shock Wave!"

"Chuuu!" Pikachu shot out shock waves at Bloom, who was able to take the hit really well. Afterwards, Bloom was able to regain some of her health from the Pikachu.

"Sorry, but it looks like Electric doesn't affect Grass all that much. Bloom, keep tanking that Pikachu while I heal Walker up."

Bloom stayed out on the field, even getting paralyzed from a Thunder Wave. She landed a few Razor Leafs on Pikachu before the opponent went down from exhaustion.

"Good work, Bloom! Come on back," Leaf said, bringing her Pokemon back. "Let's end this, Walker!"

Surge bit his lip as he recalled his Pikachu and took out his last Pokeball. "Alright, Private Pyle, let's teach this girl a lesson!"

"Rai, rai!" The Raichu said as he came out of the ball and folded his arms, staring down his opponent. His fur was graying in some spots, his eyes were quite glazed over and his muscles would often give twitchy spasms. Half of his tail was missing and he was wearing several dog tags around his chubby neck. This Raichu had been with Surge during the Great War and he had, as the old saying goes, 'seen some serious shit.'

"Walker, use…"

"Private Pyle, use Thunder Wave."

"Chu." Pyle's cheeks illuminated and a short burst of electricity fired into Walker's body. The Sandslash twitched periodically with small jolts sprang off of his spikes.

Leaf bit her lip, but refused to give up. She decided to skip a turn to heal the paralysis, while Surge ordered his Raichu to increase his evasiveness by using Double Team.

"Walker, use Dig!" Leaf ordered after Walker took a Quick Attack hit. The Sandslash nodded and burrowed into the ground.

"Pyle, unless you want to be cleaning every toilet in Vermilion City with your tongue, you will avoid that pile of turd's hit!" Surge shouted.

Pyle gulped, trying to listen for the noise below him. He had cleaned toilets before with his tongue; he did not wish to repeat the experience.

Fortunately for the Raichu, he barely managed to dodge the incoming Sandslash. Walker just blinked and looked around, not registering that he did not hit his target.

Leaf stamped her foot in frustration and took up another turn to call back Walker and send out Cyan the Nidorina. Cyan chirped in eagerness at being in a real battle.

"Cyan, I want you to sit there and take an attack. Just trust me on this," Leaf said, biting her nail and praying it would work.

Surge just scoffed. "Hah, sending out a sacrificial lamb, I see? That ugly flop-eared rat doesn't deserve to be electrified. Pyle, use Quick Attack on that abomination or you'll be enjoying a four-course meal of my shit!"

"Rai!" Pyle charged forward and slammed straight into Cyan, who squeaked in pain but took the hit pretty well. She had curled into a ball with the spikes facing her attacker and they went directly into his pudgy belly.

"Raiii!" Private Pyle cried in pain as some purple fluid speed from his puncture wounds. The rodent suddenly felt sick throughout his body.

"Poisoning!?" Surge shouted.

There was a wicked glimmer in Leaf's eye as she lifted a hand to her mouth and proceeded to laugh haughtily. "Ohohohoho! You expected some weak little Pokemon, but what you got was a Nidorina with the Poison Point Ability! Tremble in despair!"

Surge cursed, mostly due to the stinging of his ears after the girl's _atrocious laugh_, but also because of his stupid mistake. He should have paid more attention to Koga when the old ninja tried to lecture him about the power of Poison-types. He never liked that type of sneaky tactics.

"Cyan, you did really well. You can return now!" Leaf said, pulling Cyan back into a ball. The Nidorina felt a swell of pride as she sat in her ball. Even if was injured, she had made her master happy and defeated evil. She vowed to do it again and make her master even happier.

After Private Pyle was poisoned, it was all downhill for Surge from there. He tried to regain the upper-hand in battle by having Pyle use Quick Attack, but the Raichu grew weaker and weaker until it couldn't remain on its feet.

Walker pretty much tanked the dwindling attacks and finished off the pathetic creature with a Dig.

Leaf couldn't help but jump up and down in her excitement. "I did it! Oh, thank goodness…I mean, there was never any doubt. Good job, Walker."

Walker then proceeded to defecate on the floor and let out a low grunt. Not much really excited the Sandslash.

Surge sighed and recalled the fainted Pyle. "Well, fuck. Can't believe I keep losing to amateurs today. No matter, you gave me a good fight, young lady, and I'll give you a reward. Here you are, the Thunder Badge."

Leaf accepted a small sun-shaped badge and she held it up to the light. It glimmered rather prettily.

"What does it do?"

"It slightly boosts the Speed stat and lets you use Fly outside of battle. Also, take this TM: it contains my favorite move Shock Wave."

"You didn't really use that move all that much in this fight. Maybe it was because of my awesome Ground-type. Ohhhh, you got served!" Leaf said and made a pose of contempt at the former lieutenant.

"…Just get out of my Gym so I can drink and jack off in peace."

* * *

Leaf left out the back hole of the Gym, not really caring about how unorthodox it was to leave out of a large, blown-out hole in a building. She was too busy being full, I mean _proud_, of herself for her victory.

She had pinned her new trophy to her bag and was now giving a long stretch of her arms. Well, it looks like she would continue her journey to catch them all and rub it in her doubters and bullies' faces.

She headed out onto Route 11 and hunted around the plains for a while. The only new Pokemon she found there was a weird yellow and black creature with a drooping snout named Drowzee. She shuddered a little at its Pokedex entry: "**Drowzee, the Hypnosis Pokemon. It remembers every dream it eats. It rarely eats the dreams of adults because children's are much tastier.**"

"What a creepy creature. Someone better call Chris Hanson to have a long talk with this Pokemon," Leaf semi-joked as she stored the new Pokemon away.

Her attention was drawn to a small cave which was dubbed 'Diglett's Cave: Pewter City through here.'

_A shortcut to Pewter, huh? Well, I have no reason to go back but I'll catch a Diglett while I'm in there_, Leaf thought as she entered the earthy cave.

She managed to capture a Diglett, which were dopey little thing with round noses and blank eyes before ascending back up to the surface. Not much to do in a cave like that.

She was just about to head further east when she heard a familiar shouting further down the way. It was pretty astounding how she could even hear the angry yelling from her position, as it was far down at the end of the route and she was closer to Vermilion City.

But she heard the frustrated cries nonetheless. And they were the voice of Red.

She stood there and internally debated whether or not she should head on down there. It went something like this:

_I do NOT want to run into him again! It will only bring trouble._

_But there's nowhere else to go! What do we have to lose by going that way?_

_EVERYTHING. Our health, our sanity, our dignity. No. Way._

_But…but…_

"Gah! What do I do? I just want to go east!" Leaf shouted. She stopped when she heard a throaty chuckle.

She turned around to see an old beggar man wearing a blue robe sitting on the ground with a set of dice on the ground.

"Going that way don't even matter, missy," he said, taking the dice into his hand and shaking them. He let them roll and cursed when he got snake eyes. "Big ass Pokemon came down from the mountains and it's taking its sweet old time sleeping there, blocking the road to Lavender Town. Probably why there's shouts coming down there."

"Okay, so where should I go to get to this Lavender Town?" Leaf asked.

The old man pulled out a scrap of paper and a small pencil from his robe and wrote down some directions on it. "Just head on back up to Cerulean, or at least what's left of it from what I hear, and go straight east from there—you'll need a Pokemon who can learn Cut to swipe down some nasty foliage out of the way. Then you'll pass the Power Plant and head through the Rock Tunnel. You'll reach Lavender Town in no time."

He gave the paper to the young trainer and added, "Though I heard shady rumors about that town: creepy, unsettling things. You be careful, missy."

"Thanks, old man," she said and reached into her bag to give him some spare change. She then made her way up to Cerulean City, thankful she would avoid Red but dreading going through his chaos again.

* * *

Leaf's Team

**Bloom – Level 23**

Ivysaur, Female

-Razor Leaf

-Leech Seed

-Ingrain

-Vine Whip

Ability: Overgrow

**Feather – Level 21**

Pidgeotto, Female

-Tackle

-Sand-Attack

-Gust

-Quick Attack

Ability: Keen Eye

**Banana – Level 21**

Mankey, Female

-Scratch

-Leer

-Low Kick

-Karate Chop

Ability: Vital Spirit

**Cyan – Level 23**

Nidorina

-Scratch

-Double Kick

-Poison Sting

-Bite

Ability: Poison Point

**Walker – Level 23**

Sandslash, Male

-Scratch

-Dig

-Sand-Attack

-Poison Sting

Ability: Sand Veil

**Hazel – Level 20**

Eevee, Female

-Tackle

-Tail Whip

-Helping Hand

-Sand-Attack

Ability: Adaptability

Boxed Pokemon

**Hemlock/Hem – **Nidoran - Level 7

**Papilia** – Butterfree – Level 15

**Munchie** – Rattata – Level 8

**Castrato** – Jigglypuff - Level 15

**Apis** – Beedrill – Level 15

**Flappy **– Zubat – Level 9

**Granite **– Geodude – Level8

**Fungii **– Paras – Level 5

**Severus **– Ekans – Level 10

**Mystique **– Abra – Level11

**Daisy **– Bellsprout – Level 14

**Herb **– Oddish – Level 13

**Buggy **– Venonat – Level 13

**Felix** – Meowth – Level 12

**Dokuro **– Clefairy – Level 15

**Dux **– Farfetch'd – Level 10

**Talia **– Drowzee – Level 13

**Doug **– Diglett – Level 20

Blue's Team

**Satoshi – **Wartortle – Level22

**Cloud – **Pidgeotto – Level 21

**Fang – **Raticate – Level20

**Guru – **Kadabra – Level 18

**Leon **–Eevee –Level 18

* * *

_Next Time on another riveting episode of "Pokemon Misadventures": The electrifying battle between Red and Surge! How did Red fuck up the Moemon Fan Club? And what's that Pokemon doing sleeping on Route 12? Find out next time, and remember to favorite and review!_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello, friends! I'm not dead after all! Sorry for the delay; blame real life stuff and writer's block. Before I shut up and let you read, I want to thank everyone for recommending names. First place goes to _Narukagi _for their recommendation "Fury of Lightning" (I know you went with Zephyr, but Fury of Lightning just worked in the end); second place goes to _Sailor Taichichi Vegeta _for "Electra"; this name will be used for Leaf's Pikachu when she catches one. Thanks for all the support and enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own Pokemon or its characters, or any of the miscellaneous references.

* * *

Chapter 11 - Snorlax's All About That Bass

While Leaf and Blue were enjoying their time on the S.S. Anne, Red felt like feces were raining down upon his head.

He was currently just outside Surge's Gym. To even get through the doors, he had to crawl under barb wire that had been set outside the parameter. His clothes had gotten snagged at times and he let out every single curse word he knew.

After getting into the Gym, he saw the familiar face of Clyde lounging against the wall and lazily playing some game on his phone.

"Well, looks like the Human Hurricane has arrived at last. I see you got through the wire with some wear and tear," Clyde said in his silky cream voice.

Red grumbled. "He better not have any more of this in that Gym. I don't want my face carved up."

"I'm afraid it's a lot worse than that, pal," Clyde sighed, pocketing his phone. "Surge is a complete security nut! Along with some of his former comrades as the Gym Trainers, he is guarded by two electric fences. You can only unlock it by flipping two switches hidden in trash bins."

"That's all? Pfft, I got this," Red said cockily. He figured that searching for switches in garbage bins couldn't be that hard.

Clyde shrugged. "I'm not allowed to give away any more info than that, or Surge threatened to gouge out my eyeballs and…well, you don't want to know. Anyways, good luck, kid! And try not to cause any more property damage or psychological trauma!"

"Tsk, you destroy _one city_ and suddenly you're public enemy number one."

That's exactly how it works, moron!

Red continued to grumble bitterly under his breath as he headed into the main room.

Just like Clyde said, there were numerous trash cans lined up in rows with three trainers standing around the room.

It went about as well as you would expect it would be coming from Red. It took him five minutes until he snapped.

"Is this guy legitimately insane? How do the damn switches keep moving from place to place!? What is this David Blaine bullshit?! I swear to the Birds and to whatever other legendaries are out there, if I don't get the right switch…" Red searched the bin, he found nothing but garbage and heard the taunting click of the switches resetting.

"Son of a **bitch**!" Red screamed, gripping his head in anger. Ash and the Pikachu he recently caught (who rejected every name Red threw at her, thus remaining nameless until he could come up with a better name for her) shook their heads with the yellow mouse clicking her tongue and giving a perfect teen-girl eye roll. She still couldn't believe she had been caught by this dumbass.

Guts was disappointed in his master: humans were such slow creatures. The Butterfree had no doubt that he could probably solve this puzzle in no time at all. However, he allowed his so-called master to keep making mistakes for sheer amusement.

Megalodon and Paul were in their balls due to the fact they wouldn't be of much use in a battle of Electric Pokemon. I guess even Red can learn useful things. However, if they were out, Megalodon would have eaten anything he could find in sight and Paul would probably fart and stare straight ahead, blissfully unaware of the problems plaguing his owner.

"Young lad, you shouldn't swear in such a disgusting manner. You do yourself no credit," an older gentleman scolded Red. The young boy had managed to go through the Gym Trainers with relative ease with the help of Ash's Dig. Electric-types were such pussies when it came to Ground-type.

"Shut up, you baggy geezer! You're just jealous because you fell victim to Ash's **Death from Below the Earth** attack. Just talk about your black and white photography and raisins!" Red retorted before he began his search anew.

The old man grumbled to his comrades. "Kids these days…if I had talked to my father like that I would have spent the night outside with only cold beans for dinner."

"I think there's something wrong with this kid. I mean, the puzzle can be tricky, but I gave him a hint and everything," a sailor said. He turned back to a loudly cursing Red. It seemed he failed again.

All this time, Surge was standing on his stage behind the charged gates. He was laughing uproariously at Red's failure, only adding fuel to the fire of Red's temper.

"Holy shit, boy, I knew you were slower than a brain-dead Slowpoke whose mother drank during pregnancy, but this is fuckin' ridiculous. I hope you never procreate, because you're children are gonna be twice as retarded as you, you little Raichu turd!"

Red's ego could take no more verbal abuse and humiliation. It was time for drastic measures.

"That does it! I'm doing things my way!" Red shouted. He then kicked a trashcan so hard it rebounded off one of the walls and into the sailor who attempted to help Red. He passed out on the spot, falling onto the old man and crushing his spine. Guts and Ash proceeded to help Red in his "search," without the wanton maiming of bystanders, of course.

Wouldn't want to take Red's job away from him now would we?

The Pikachu folded her arms and looked away with a "humph." No way was she going to participate in this idiocy; she was too _cool_ for that.

The remaining conscious Gym Trainer was looking around nervously. Clearly this boy was insane; he would swear to this day that old man Tucker was coughing up blood from that spine injury. Surge just spat on the ground in contempt. To him, this kid wouldn't last ten seconds in basic training.

After upheaving all the bins, Red finally found both switches and flipped them. As the gates disappeared, Red laughing in maniacal triumph. "Wahahahahaha! You see that?! Did you…see…THAT!? I beat your stupid little game! And now, I'm going to kick. Your. Ass!"

"…Son, that was the stupidest display I have ever seen in my entire life," Surge said as Red approached, his team behind him. "I'll admit you got guts, but that don't amount to nothing if you don't have the brains to back you up."

"Whatever, let's get this battle started. Go, Ash!"

"Rrrarrl!" Ash growled and pounded her fists in excitement.

"Alright, let's go Voltorb #1,234!" Surge brought out the Voltorb, which screeched loudly.

"Pfft, a living Pokeball? What a lame Pokemon. Hell, _an ice cream_ Pokemon would be better than this uncreative piece of shit," Red taunted.

Oh, if you only knew, Red. If you only knew…

"Hmph. Use Shock Wave." The Voltorb charged up and let out several bright shock waves.

"Crap! Dodge that attack, Ash!" Red said. "Then use **Death From Below the Earth**!"

"Roar!" Ash did as ordered, though she was slightly too late. Her tail caught most of the attack and she flinched in shock and pain. Despite this hit she took to the ground and swam through it as if she was a freakishly large, red earthworm.

"Hmph. Don't get too cocky kid," Surge said. "No Pokemon of mine will be taken down by a stupid giant liz-"

It was unfortunate for Surge that it was right then that Ash decided to rise, her mouth open wide in a horrific parody of _Jaws_, teeth glinting in the artificial light before she bit down and dragged Voltorb # 1,234 underground.

There was the sounds of a brief scuffle and then an explosion that made a small earthquake above ground before Ash arose from her original hole, looking only mildly scuffed.

"I guess your Voltorb wasn't too _bright_, was it Surge?" Red mocked. "I would say that this was a _shocking_ victory for Ash. Indeed, how _electrifying_—"

"Holy hell, kiddo, you're annoying as shit," Surge pointed out the obvious. "For the sake of everyone in this Gym and the few remaining brain cells you have left, I reckon it's my duty to put you down."

"Like I put down your Voltorb?" Red waggled his eyebrows. "Hey-OHHHH!"

"…Pikachu, destroy him." Surge sent an innocuous looking Pikachu into battle.

The battle went well for Red. While Ash took a lot of damage and was paralyzed, she was able to take out the Pikachu quickly.

Surge bit his lip; he was impressed by this kid's talent, but decided he had to end this quick. "Private Pyle, get your ass out there and avenge your fellow brethren!"

"Rai-Rai!" the fat mouse nodded.

Red whipped out his Pokedex and read the data on it: "**Raichu, the Mouse Pokemon. When electricity builds up inside its body, it becomes feisty. It also glows in the dark.**"

"Is that what a Pikachu turns into?" Red said, looking at his own yellow electric mouse. She nodded and Red let out a derisive snort. "Tsk, you become a little fatty. Still looks kind of cool though."

In response, she gave him a small shock to the butt and looked away in wounded pride.

"Hmm…Ash, take a break while I send out Guts. Guts, PoisonPowder!"

Guts immediately let it rain toxic powder on that Raichu-hoe. The Raichu sneezed from the contact before he was ordered by his trainer to "shock the ever-loving shit out of that pansy Butterfree."

As Guts faded into blackness, he swore that this beats was now his mortal enemy and he would kill every single Raichu after he conquered the world.

"Okay, let's see…" Red had healed up Ash, but according to her stats he saw that she had apparently "exhausted" the number of times she could use her **Death From Below the Earth** move. When he had more time to think about it, he would gripe again about this stupid limiter and how he would change things when he was the very best like no one ever was.

But for now he sent out his new Pikachu teammate, assuming that he would fight lightning with lightning.

This is Red we are talking about, so if you found this plan to be dumb it's gonna get a whole lot dumber.

"Huh, you think that puny Pikachu will be able to take out my highly trained Raichu warrior? That's real cute, kid," Surge laughed.

Red ignored it and said to his Pokemon, "Use…Fly, I guess?"

The Pikachu nodded and smiled. It was time for her to shine.

She sprang into the air and floated from above, easily avoiding Private Pyle's Quick Attack. Surge, Ash, Pyle and the conscious Gym Trainer stared up in shock. They had never seen a Pikachu fly; that was just a colloquial phrase they would say when something was so impossible that it would never happen: "Yeah, and that will happen when a Pikachu flies."

They would never use that phrase lightly again.

Only Red grinned his trademark manic grin. He had a super-mouse and he was about to unleash its fury onto that fat Raichu.

"Hey, **Fury of Lightning**, can you also use Thunderbolt on Private Tubby at the same time as your Fly attack?" Red called up.

She rolled her eyes. What did this chump take her for anyways? Of course she could do that _and then some_. And what was up with that name? It was…pretty cool, actually. But she couldn't let him know that now.

She charged herself up and rocketed straight into Private Pyle while giving him a nasty shock. Pyle just gave up and this experience would be added to his frequent night terrors he suffered from when he closed his eyes.

The Pikachu now dubbed "Fury of Lightning" skidded back to Red's side and looked at him and Ash smugly.

"You are the sickest Pikachu I've ever met, Fury of Lightning," Red said, nodding in approval. "We shall become the very best like no one ever was and you will be the Champion of all Raichu one day when I figure out how you evolve. So…do you like your name or will you shock me again?"

She thought about this for a minute and then gave a thumbs-up in approval. "Pii, pika pi!"

"Very well; we'll call you **Lightning** for short," Red said. Ash came up and hugged her new female friend. Lightning had no idea how to react, so she just awkwardly hugged her back.

"Pfft, lesbos," Red scoffed, causing Lightning to break away and glare at her trainer. And here she thought he was turning out to be okay.

Surge meanwhile called back his Raichu and approached the victor. "Well, I hate admitting it, but you gave me a hell of a shock literally! You may just have the potential to beat those uppity Elite Four and become Champion. Here's the Thunder Badge and a little gift."

Red accepted his trophy, a blazing yellow flower-shape badge and…

"This is a rock," Red said, looking unimpressed. Surge had given him a jagged green rock with a yellow bolt decorating the middle. "It's a cool rock, but how will it help me?"

"Ha-ha, that's no ordinary rock kid. That's a Thunder Stone; it has the ability to evolve your Pikachu into a Raichu when it gets strong enough…though she may be ready to evolve at this rate."

Red pocketed both and said, "Yeah, cool story man." This guy was already a quack; why should Red believe that a _rock_ could transform a Pokemon into something else? Even he's not that dumb to believe that.

Just as Red was about to walk out of the Gym, something had caught Red's eye. It was hanging on the wall near several medals and awards as the centerpiece.

"Is that a…?" Red trailed off as he drew closer, his attention completely rapt on this one thing.

Surge looked over and smiled proudly. "An automatic Voltorb Machine Gun? Damn straight, Red. This baby helped me quite a bit back in the War."

Red just continued staring before touching it. "I want one."

"Whoa, careful, kid. I think I put the safety on, but it's still kicking. Want to try it on?"

This would be one of Surge's mistakes that he would look back on and drink away; maybe not as big as losing the woman of his dreams to that shithead Satoshi or sending some Pikachu to dig through a mine-infested trench, but it was up there in that he knew it was a bad idea in the first place and he had no clue why he did it in the first place.

A fleeting paternal emotion? _Yeah, right_, he would later think to himself as he chugged a beer.

He helped Red get a good grip on the gun. Red couldn't lift it up all the way, so he had Ash help him lift it with her strong arms.

"A pair of Magneton attached to the shoulder pads would double its voltage and you just fire the trigger blasting your enemies with Electrodes and Voltorbs. Very effective, but apparently these guns have been outlawed in all the regions. Something about "Pokemon ethics" or some bleeding liberal heart crap. Pretty cool, huh Red?"

Red didn't pick up much of what Surge said. He was in his own little world where he was obliterating all of his enemies on a battlefield, just like Rambo with living exploding Pokeballs.

Without thinking about his surroundings (as usual) he shouted out, "I will be the very BEST!" and pulled the trigger.

It all happened in a flash and it was only with the quick action of Surge tackling the boy to the ground and disarming him that further tragedy was not repeated like in Cerulean.

However, Red had managed to blow out the back of the Gym and fire a few Voltorb into the Moemon Fan Club, completely devastating the building and causing mass panic.

Red stood there as the Moemon President stumbled out of the building with survivors, blinking stupidly.

Surge, having put made sure to take out the ammo, stood next to the boy, stone-faced.

"Boy, you are the most dangerous retard I have ever met in my life. The scourge of Kanto."

* * *

If you, dear readers, thought that Red could easily slip himself out of this mess, then you were wrong. This time Red was paying for his actions. If you think that being punished will even teach the boy a lesson…I'm sorry to say that you are wrong again.

Red was questioned by a single policewoman named Jenny about what had happened; Surge claimed some responsibility for allowing a child to wield a gun in the first place and promised to pay with his own money to cover most of the damages.

Luckily, since no one was seriously injured (the worse injuries mostly stemming from the emotional trauma of people losing their "waifus/husbandos"), Red wouldn't be charged with murder and the Moemon President decided that not to press charges as long as Red agreed to the following:

"What!? All of my money!?"

The President shrugged. "I know Trainers don't have a lot, but you must take some responsibility rather than relying on the Lieutenant for everything; you can always earn more from battles. You can also trade in your bike as well."

Red pulled the bike close to him. "No way, old man. I earned this bike fair and square."

Red, you dirty little liar.

The President gave the boy a gentle smile. "Well then, how about you clean up this mess you made, or you'll have to face some serious legal action on my part. You don't want to go to a jail at _your_ age, do you old sport?"

Red pondered this briefly. Community service, or being the bitch of some delinquent in juvie?

"…Fine. I'll play your game, old fart. But I will have my revenge when I become the Champion! You hear me; I will personally piss all over your Moemon shit!"

The President smiled and told the officer she could go now. Jenny let out a sigh of relief and went off on her bike to have a well-earned drink, she was still on-duty for the next three hours, but what did that matter?

If you think the police force are incompetent and lazy, then you'd be absolutely correct.

Red slaved for most of the day, as he was unable to leave the city until his work had been completed. Clad in a face mask and gloves, he shoveled and lifted debris onto nearby dump trucks with his only help coming from his Pokemon and a Machop with a cranky owner who shouted that his life work was at stake.

Red thought he was a crazy old coot but he appreciated the Machop's help.

While working, he had been approached by Blue and Leaf who did nothing but put him down. _Idiots_, he thought as the two played a quick game of "Fire, Water, Grass" and left for the Gym.

He was about to shout a string of curse words at them and was swiftly interrupted by two fangirls who scratched at his face.

"Baka, get back to work or I'll fire a Hyper Beam at you!" one of them screeched. The other just parroted "baka, baka" at Red.

"Fucking Tumblr landwhales…" Red growled at them. "Just go masturbate over your furry boyfriends or whatever you weirdos do."

Before the girls screeched at him with the fore of a thousand harpies, the President pulled the girls away and told Red to get back to work.

Red was already in a bad mood, but it got worse when he saw Blue come out with a badge.

The orange-haired kid swaggered past Red holding the badge and putting on the biggest shit-eating grin that had ever been witnessed.

"Smell you later at the Elite Four, Dead-End Red," Blue taunted. "By then I'll be the best like no one ever was; that's what you always say, right?"

Red's hands shook as his teeth gnawed on his lower lip. No one, _ever_, said they were going to be the best like no one ever was except Red. This was a declaration of war in the eyes of the thirteen-year old trainer.

"Blue, you just crossed the fucking line. I will show you what happens when you fuck someone in the ass like that. You hear me!? **YOU DONE GOOFED, DICKWEED!**"

Bleu just laughed and headed out of town. Red began to furiously work harder than anyone and this passion inspired his Pokemon to pick up their labor.

Except Machop, who was just plodding along and waiting for his dinner of gruel.

* * *

Red managed to get all the work down as the sun was beginning to set. The President was honestly impressed by his hard work and held to his promise by letting Red go.

Personally, I would have kept the boy longer and do meaningless tasks just out of spite. Don't look at me like that, you'd hate him too if you had to narrate his life.

"Take care, old sport, and do try to be more conscious of your surroundings."

Red hopped on his bike and pedaled east out of the city boundaries, thankful to be back on track at last. He headed out to Route 11 and in the heat of his anger (and a desperate need for cash) he challenged any trainers he spotted along that path. Many unsuspecting trainers would remember being blindsided by that thuggish kid who took most of their money.

They also added that he did have a sick bike, though.

Lightning spotted a nearby cave and pointed towards it with her stubby hands. "Pikachu!"

"Huh, what's this place?" Red looked at the sign which read "Diglett's Cave. Be careful of tremors."

"Screw that shit," Red said. "I had a bad experience in a cave once. Anyways, what's a Diglett? It sounds like some kind of poo, no way do I want to mess with that."

She rolled her eyes for the millionth time that day, but conceded to her master's orders. She didn't even like caves anyway.

As the team approached the end, there was an old man sitting by the entrance playing solitaire with torn cards. He noticed Red coming up to the entrance and said, "It's no use, my man. Road's closed."

"…"

"…Why are you looking at me like that?" the beggar man asked.

"Don't tell me you were paid by some hotshot to make sure no one goes through. I might have to burn you alive."

The man looked alarmed and waved his hands in front of his face. "Whoa, whoa, calm down, kid! I'm not preventing anyone from going through. It's just that there's a large Pokemon blocking the way and taking a long nap. I'm just here to warn you before you go do something stupid and end up a midday snack."

Red scoffed and pedaled forward with his team beside him. "That's very thoughtful of you, old man, but I'm going to be the very best in Kanto, and I'm going to obliterate anything that stands in my way. Large Pokemon or not, I will either kill that thing or catch it. Smell you—Dammit, now I'm saying it! Fuck you, Blue!"

Red shouted to the sky and pedaled forward, his team picking up the pace to catch up.

The beggar man sighed after Red was out of sight. "Kids these days, they have no respect for us rambling, gambling dudes. I hope I'm long dead if that kid ever becomes Champion of Kanto."

* * *

Red's eyebrow twitched at the sight of the behemoth slumbering before him. This thing was so fat it made Paula Deen look like a supermodel. It breathed very heavily, its robust stomach rising up and down in a steady motion.

"**Snorlax, the Sleeping Pokemon. Very lazy; it just eats and sleeps. As its rotund bulk builds, it becomes steadily more slothful.**"

After watching it, he turned to his team and said, "Well, I have some Pokeballs. Let's see if this lazy asshole will just go quietly in my ball."

Red tossed a Pokeball at the creature; it didn't even shake once. The ball broke from the failed capture of the immense Pokemon. All Snorlax did was grumble and scratch its stomach contently.

"…"

"Rawr?" Ash looked at her trainer, expecting an order. Lighting, Guts and Megalodon prepared to attack this lard ass Pokemon.

Paul just drooled on the ground.

"…Guys, fuck this piece of shit up however you want."

The Pokemon, including Paul at his own slow pace, rushed forward and set to work on the Snorlax. Ash let forth Mega Punch after punch in the flabby side; her fists only managed to inflict slight discomfort, like a fly landing on your arm.

Megalodon bit into the arm of Snorlax, causing the Pokemon to wake up in a grumpy rage and try to swat the sea monster away. Megalodon kept his fangs firmly in the flesh, though he drew only a small amount of blood on account of the arm's girth.

Lightning and Guts actually teamed up; both flew above the Snorlax and while the Bug-type unleashed Confusion attacks into Snorlax's mind, Lightning slammed herself using Fly into his belly. She bounced up and down a few times from the impact.

Both attacks did nothing except get on the poor Snorlax's nerves. All he wanted to do was enjoy a peaceful nap underneath the sun before getting up to eat more.

And after this little workout he got from playing with this little rambunctious Pokemon, he was quite famished.

His rumbling tummy caused a small tremor which shook up Red and his Pokemon. He then let out a tremendous swipe which managed to knock the surprised Pokemon back.

The Snorlax began his ambling trek toward the mountains where he originally came from to find some tasty bamboo or even boulders. Boulders were pretty good if you chewed the up properly.

The Snorlax's thoughts were cut off when a Pokeball bounced off his head trying. He turned around to see a frustrated Red glowering up at him.

"I am not through with you yet, you fat piece of crap! Don't you walk away from me—ahh let me go!"

The Snorlax picked up Red in its strong paw and gave him a good sniff. He smelled edible enough, even if he looked a little chewy. The Pokemon then gave the young boy a lick for sample taste.

"Oh no, you are not eating me! Get the fuck back!" Red shouted as he began to kick to no avail. "I need to become the very best, I won't die here!"

The Snorlax licked his chops and kept licking the struggling, screaming Red some more like he was a living ice cream cone before going in for the first bite. He barely paid attention to the Iron Tails coming from Ash or the purple powder emitting from Guts' wings, which proved very little effect to Snorlax.

However, he stopped when he got a stream of water in the face. He looked down grumpily to see the dull, smiling face of Paul, Destroyer of Worlds gazing up at him.

"…Yawn?" Snorlax said to it.

"…Yawn. Yaaaawn." Paul then waggled his tail in front of Snorlax. The large Pokemon picked up Paul, sniffed his tail, gave it a small lick….he grinned happily at the sweet taste.

"Yawn?" Snorlax asked Paul. The pink creature nodded and said, "Yawn, yawn yaaawn."

The Snorlax let out a happy sound, dropped Red unceremoniously on the ground and bit into Paul's tail, tearing it right off the bone and leaving a stump on his backside.

Paul did not react at all despite blood pouring out of his wound and white bone jutting out. He just smiled happily at Red, who stared agape.

Snorlax swallowed the tail and set the Slowpoke down, patting his head in thanks for the tasty snack and ambled towards the forest and the mountains in the distance. He would tell his brother about his encounter with the nice Slowpoke and the cranky human boy…if he didn't fall asleep again before he reached his den.

After Snorlax left, Red rushed over to Paul who was swishing his leftover stump contently. "Geez, Paul; are you…okay? Uhh, your tail is…"

Red was at a loss for words; he knew he would be in mad amounts of pain if his tail was just eaten. He pulled out the Pokedex to read more in Slowpoke anatomy and whether or not Paul was super-dead.

"Okay…it says that some kind of sweet sap is leaked out of its tail which it uses to catch prey…it grows back after five days. Whew, no need to go to a Pokemon Center after all. You were finally useful for once, Paul. You get a Bro Badge."

"…Yawn," Paul said placidly, not even remembering what he did.

Ash petted his head in gratefulness while Lightning and Guts nodded in respect. Only Megalodon was silent, staring at Paul with hungry eyes. He wondered what a whole Slowpoke would taste like if its tail was sweet to eat. He would have to find out later as there were too many witnesses at the moment.

"Alright, gang, looks like we can go on ahead and catch up to that punk ginger Blue and give him the punch in the face that he deserves. Let's roll out!"

And with that Red headed onward without any idea where he was going or what his present goal was going to be, but this is Red we are talking about; a kid blessed with a large amount of luck, a moderate amount of actual talent and a strong magnetism to the absurd.

* * *

Red's Team

**Ash – Level 26**

Charmeleon, Female

-Mega Punch

-Dig

-Iron Tail

-Ember

Ability: Blaze

**Guts – Level 24**

Butterfree, Male

-Tackle

-PoisonPowder

-Confusion

-Stun Spore

Ability: Compound Eyes

**Megalodon – Level 24**

Gyarados, Male

-Splash

-Tackle

-Bite

-Thrash

Ability: Swift Swim

**Paul, Destroyer of Worlds – Level 22**

Slowpoke, Male

-Curse

-Confusion

-Yawn

-Water Gun

Ability: Own Tempo

**Fury of Lighting/"Lightning" – Level 24**

Pikachu, Female

-Surf

-Fly

-Thunderbolt

-Wish

Ability: Static

* * *

_Next Time on another episode of "Pokemon Misadventures": Leaf makes her way to the mysterious town of Lavender Town. What eerie and unnerving encounters will she face there? Find out next update and remember to review and favorite!_


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